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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #4311
    FORT Fogey cablejockey's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Rosie I kind of know of how you feel. For the past three years it seemed every year I had to get some kind of surgery for this and that. A year ago I faced the last one almost a nervous wreck--I was so worried and so sick of going to the hospital! The doctors and other workers just couldt see that the stress is sometimes overwhelming for some when facing this. Just becaise they see it everyday, they think nothing of it and wondered why I was so apprehensive and upset. Tell your doctor how you are feeling and maybe he can set your nerves at a better sense of ease.

  2. #4312
    FORT Fogey Add It Up Champion famita's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Kirsten1526, you can't help how you feel. You gave him an ultimatum. That was what made you feel comfortable. You said you did not want to be around anyone who viewed/experienced porn/strip clubs. There is nothing wrong with that. The ball is in his court. He now knows how you feel. Do not let anything he says to you change your mind. If going to strip clubs with friends and watching porn is more important to him than your relationship, it's better to find out now. That being said, I know several dancers that are in the 21-25 age bracket. They are friends of my sons, and chose to go that route because they make a lot of money each week. They do not engage in the "extra" industry, they just dance. But it is out there. They have said they will dance until they graduate from college. Knowing these girls, they are kind, decent human beings. It's not the choice I would have made, but it is theirs. Kirsten, I imagine you have thought long and hard about this, and I really want to impart to you that you have to remain true to yourself first!

    Myrosiedog, I know what you're going through and also suggest that you talk to the surgeon/doctor. I feel that you are in good hands, but its good to get all the fears/questions talked out BEFORE the surgery!

  3. #4313
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    MRD: I'll send good thoughts, healing energy and prayers to you for your surgery. I'm not surprised you are restless. You have been through a lot. I'm sure everything will be just fine. You may just have the jitters. I dislike hospitals too. They bring back memories I'd rather not remember.

    Kirsten: You have some good advice from others here. Whether it's strip clubs, drinking and driving, porn, or using pot, if it's upsetting to you and getting in between your relationship then it's a problem.

    You've been honest and straightforward. It sounds like your bf likes to be with his buddies and do things. But he can choose to do other things with them. And still be true to your wishes. I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted.
    Last edited by misskitty; 06-25-2007 at 01:27 PM. Reason: typos
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  4. #4314
    MRD
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Thanks guys. You always make me feel better.

    Well its set for this Fri. at 10:30 a.m. He is going to try to do it as outpatient, but depending on what all ends up being involved, I may have to stay 1-2 nights.

    I did talk to him about my apprehensions and he assured me that he has a good team, he has had a very high success rate and that he does about 300 hernia repairs a year, so I do feel I am in good hands.

    I think he thought I was joking when we talked about my apprehension and he said: They'll give you something that morning when you get to the hospital to help you relax and I asked if I could have it NOW, please.

    But he was very good about going over my apprehension and reassuring me and both his nurse and one of the office workers told me that they would trust him operating on them and how much they like him so not to worry.

    I just do. I feel a bit better about things now than before the appointment and I appreciate you guys so much. What would I do without you?
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  5. #4315
    Premium Member DesertRose's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Kirsten, I'm not sure what to tell you, but I honestly believe there is nothing wrong in going out to a stripjoint with the boys sometimes (and I mean a couple of times a year, not once a week). Same for the porn movies or magazines. Is it because you have high morals (although it doesn't make mine any lower for accepting it) or is it because you are a little insecure and are afraid he'll leave you for one of these "perfect" girls? If it's insecurity, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Although I agree on the one hand that if it does make you uncomfortable he should stop it, on the other hand I've always believed that a true relationship is based on compromises and that sometimes you have to let go a little, at the risk of losing the person you care about.

    -----------
    My son went to bed with what appear to be swollen lymph nodes in his neck on Friday. Since they were less swollen but still there this morning, I took him to the doctors. Like most 3 year olds, he's scared of the doctor, so we went through this whole routine about what the doctor would do and that he would not hurt him. Next thing I know, the doctor says he needs to do blood tests. So now I had to tell him that the nurse was going to draw some blood and it will hurt a little, but it will be done soon. The nurses thought he was adorable because he was singing about it, but we all knew the singing would soon stop. The first shot didn't go well at all. I was supposed to hold him down, but I didn't expect him to twist and bend his arm. Ouch! We all winced. We tried the second time, with another nurse helping me hold him down and we got it. The nurses were amazing. I have to go back this afternoon to get his test results. I'm confident everything will be fine, but there is always one part of you that worries, you know?

  6. #4316
    FORT Fogey katgib13's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    MRD, I'm sure everything will be fine. I'll keep you in my prayers!

    DesertRose: Don't you hate seeing your child distressed? It breaks my heart. I hope all is well.

    Luckily, my little guy loves our doctor. From birth Dr. Ginn has always scooped him up when he walks in the room. He tickles him, tells him knock knock jokes and and my son just adores him. I had to take him with me to my appt. and he was showing the doctor his boo-boos on his knees and didn't even flinch when he touched them. He screams like a banshee whenever I even ask to see his scrapes... Also, when the Dr. is talking to me, Preston will stand with his hand on the Dr's knee and nod along like he agrees with everything he is saying. It's too funny!

  7. #4317
    FORT Fogey ScoutMom's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    DesertRose - I hope all the bloodwork comes out fine. The doctor might just want to be overly cautious. Keep thinking good thoughts.

  8. #4318
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    DR--crossing fingers that you get a good report--let us know.
    Kristen---as SSteph said, there's a lot of discussion of a very similar issue (actually a worse issue, but related) on the relationship thread--it could give you some perspective on this. Only you can decide if it's a deal breaker for you. Because it might be for him...if not for the "thrill" of the strip club, for the feeling he's being bossed around or for how he feels it makes him look in front of "the boys". I agree, it it's upsetting you because of how you feel you stack up compared to the dancers, don't worry--if he wants to be with you he doesn't want a relationship with someone who gives lap dances--and vice versa---if he wants a relationship with someone who gives lap dances he won't want one with you, you'd never be happy.
    Not being too judgemental on the dancers here....indeed there are a number who just dance... I knew someone who put herself through osteopathy school that way... but it sounds like the ones he talks to are the ones who get paid to give lap dances which is something else indeed.

  9. #4319
    MRD
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    DesertRose,
    Hope all is well with your son. I hate it when they have to do anything like that to my child and she's 16 now, but when she was little, I hated it even more.
    Best wishes to both of you.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
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  10. #4320
    Team DAN schmoo2's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I don't like to whine in a public forum, but I haven't been able to sleep tonight and I just have to get it out.
    I have a 22-yo daughter we are trying so hard to be supportive of.
    at 18 she took off to live with a 38 yo man - that ended after 6 months and she came home.
    she settled in, took some classes at home and decided she wanted to pursue a certain field. at a quite expensive college, but we supported it and her. But then she gets involved with another LOSER - older, no job, no car, letting her take care of him. Of course, school suffers and then she can't get into the program her heart was set on.
    she cut him loose, FINALLY. but then can home and started taking classes locally, settling on getting a certification instead of a degree. No problem, at least she is trying.
    Enter another LOSER - no job, no car, at least he lived someplace - with his mother - but again she is involved. We tried to be supportive - but lying to us has become so easy for her anymore. She has a job (food service) - but at least she is working while going to school. He gets a job, and his mothers van acts up. So my daughter says she is helping him look for a car. We warn her - don't cosign for anything.
    so she doesn't - NO - she buys him a car. not a cheap one either. she takes out a loan at a ridiculous interest cost and he will make payments.
    Until she finds out he cheats on her and forces himself on a friend. That ends quickly. At least she gets the car (although she can't afford it) - but finds a friend who will take it and make payments until she can refinance it.

    and she has learned. she is not going to let anyone take advantage of her anymore. She is not looking for a relationship.
    until 2 weeks ago. when a FRIEND of hers is stoppng by to visit on his way home to his parents. he lost his job and just wants to say hi. I say this isn't someone who is just going to stay around - No, she says. Just a quick visit.

    and here we go again. he has been staying with us for 2 weeks now. Now he is looking for work. (no job, no car, no money) - so she drives him around and he hangs out at school and the mall while she goes to classes and works.

    And I am a wreck. Her father doesn't want me to force her to leave by raising a stink. But the lying is just too easy for her and I have no trust left at all. We want to support her. We love her. But this is just NUTS.

    why can't she find a normal relationship. Why have we become a shelter for the homeless in our little home?

    I know - we need to get tough. But she is working, she is in school, and she is supposed to finish this round of classes by the end of the year. I just don't know what to do.

    I am cosidering a letter. Just stating my feelings so I can sleep at night. (she gets very defensive when you try to talk to her). Get it out, get it on paper, and give it to her. No ultimatums. Just letting her know I don't like being taken advantage of, and that I just don't trust her anymore. And I can't. and I want my home back.

    *oh, did I mention the LOSER she brought home who ripped off some of our checks and our family piggy bank?

    Thanks for listening.

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