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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #3451
    RENThead JLuvs's Avatar
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    Veruka - I can very much relate to what you have said about your circle of friends. I also am the only childless, unmarried friend in my crew and I have been friends with this lot since Junior Academy. Most of the events that I go to with them involve kids, but every now and then, they do something without their kids just to satisfy little old me.

    Normally I have to plan that certain something. We are having a big evening out later this month that I have planned and it should be alot of fun.

    I don't really have that much of problem with activities involving their kids --- their acceptance of me being happily unmarried is another issue

    I have made some new friends of late that are in the same boat as me, but nothing would ever replace my friendships with my original crew.
    Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter.
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  2. #3452
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    Quote Originally Posted by JLuvs;2176369;
    but nothing would ever replace my friendships with my original crew.
    Exactly! This is the tricky part! It's easy on the surface to look at it and say "I just need new friends". Replacing people to hang out and have fun with is easy. Replacing the people who know everything about you without any sort of explanation is another thing entirely.

  3. #3453
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    That's why you continue to keep in touch with them. You just widen your circle a bit. You don't, completely, cut out your original group. It's only natural that our needs in life change as we mature; that can include some of our friendships, too.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

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  4. #3454
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    I agree prhoshay. But that can be easier said than done depending on the dynamics of the friendships.

  5. #3455
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    OK, one more thing and I'm going to leave it alone. Who is in control of your life...you, or other people? If you are the one who is unhappy, I suggest you take some control so that you get happier. No one is truly responsible for your happiness but you.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  6. #3456
    Wonky snarkmistress Lucy's Avatar
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    Veruka, I'm also a 30-something with no kids, and have friends who do have kids. Not that many, though, and the majority of my friends are childless, so I can't really say I know how it feels. But I would say this -- if these people have been your best friends for all these years and you all know each other so well, I think you should be comfortable bringing this up to them. Not in an accusatory way, but just saying you often feel left out of the conversation these days, and you'd love it if they made more effort to talk about things you can relate to.
    But you might also consider making some new friends -- not dropping the old ones, just finding some people whose lifestyle is more like your own these days, so you have a circle of single people to go out with.


    My own trouble today, although it's pretty minor -- my back hurts. I've had some sort of weird pain in this one spot since Monday, and nothing I do -- ibuprofen, heating pad, stretching -- seems to help. It doesn't feel like a pulled muscle, and I haven't done anything to injure it. It's not a horrid intense stabby pain, but it's constant and it is driving me NUTS. I wouldn't have thought a little irritating pain could be so consuming, but I'm having trouble concentrating on anything else, and driving the people around me crazy whining about it, so now I'm venting on you guys. But if anyone knows a lot about back issues/remedies, please help me out before I go insane.
    It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever. -- David St. Hubbins

  7. #3457
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    I agree with that completely. If I've given the impression that I'm unhappy, or that I don't feel I have any control of my life, then I've given the wrong impression. That's exactly why I said at the start of my comments that the things other people around here were dealing with were MUCH bigger than what I was facing.

    It takes two people to build a friendship. It also takes two people to break it down. A person can accept what is happening, and roll with what is happening, and still have some feelings of being sorry to see the past move further away.

    There are a thousand aspects of my life that make me very happy right now. There is one that I'm sorry to see going in the direction that it is. I haven't discussed the things that make me happy in this thread, because that would directly contradict the purpose of the thread.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucy;2176644;


    My own trouble today, although it's pretty minor -- my back hurts. I've had some sort of weird pain in this one spot since Monday, and nothing I do -- ibuprofen, heating pad, stretching -- seems to help. It doesn't feel like a pulled muscle, and I haven't done anything to injure it. It's not a horrid intense stabby pain, but it's constant and it is driving me NUTS. I wouldn't have thought a little irritating pain could be so consuming, but I'm having trouble concentrating on anything else, and driving the people around me crazy whining about it, so now I'm venting on you guys. But if anyone knows a lot about back issues/remedies, please help me out before I go insane.
    Ugh - I don't think there is anything worse that back pain. There's not a movement you can make where you aren't reminded that you're hurting. I'll share a couple of tips - First, sitting is the worst thing for your back. Whenever you can, either stand, or lay down. It should help to alleviate some of the pressure. I know that in most working situations, that's not really an option. So when you HAVE to sit, try giving yourself breaks as often as you can. If you're in an office where you can close your door, it also often helps to alleviate pain if you get down on your hands and knees, and just hold that position for a bit.

    Second, should your pain last long enough that you have to seek medical attention (and hopefully it won't!) DO NOT let anyone do any work on your back until they can show you and prove to you that they know what is causing it. Depending on what is causing the pain, a chiropractor, orthopedic, or neurosurgeon may be the answer. But there are too many in all three of those specialties who aren't humble enough to admit/recognize it when they're NOT the solution. So instead of letting anyone give you a "lets try this", force them to pinpoint the problem first. If for example the problem were a bulging disk, a chiropractor would not be able to fix it, and could actually make it worse.
    Last edited by Veruka; 12-13-2006 at 12:35 PM.

  8. #3458
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lucy;2176644;
    My own trouble today, although it's pretty minor -- my back hurts. I've had some sort of weird pain in this one spot since Monday, and nothing I do -- ibuprofen, heating pad, stretching -- seems to help. It doesn't feel like a pulled muscle, and I haven't done anything to injure it. It's not a horrid intense stabby pain, but it's constant and it is driving me NUTS. I wouldn't have thought a little irritating pain could be so consuming, but I'm having trouble concentrating on anything else, and driving the people around me crazy whining about it, so now I'm venting on you guys. But if anyone knows a lot about back issues/remedies, please help me out before I go insane.
    Hi Lucy,
    I am disabled in the upper back and I totally understand the gnawing pain. Is it anywhere near your kidneys? Sometimes a bladder infection can feel like back pain. Try an ice pack even though it doesn't work right away, it does help the body de-inflame.
    Yup, with donuts!!

  9. #3459
    Wonky snarkmistress Lucy's Avatar
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    thanks, Veruka and Buglover! Veruka, I AM in a sit-all-day office, so I'm trying to get up as much as possible, as it does hurt less when I'm standing. Buglover, it's not near my kidneys -- more mid-back, under my bra strap, which in itself seems like a strange place to me. I'm just hoping it goes away soon.
    It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever. -- David St. Hubbins

  10. #3460
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    Lucy, when you are forced to sit, try to put your feet up. Even putting something like a paper box under your desk will help a little bit.

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