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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #3421
    FORT Regular angelic_one2002's Avatar
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    Lois - So sorry to hear about your loss. You're in our thoughts and prayers.
    Hang in there.
    "Success is falling nine times and getting up ten." - Jon Bon Jovi

  2. #3422
    Team DAN schmoo2's Avatar
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    LL - my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family at this time.

  3. #3423
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    Lois, I'm truly sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. #3424
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Thanks again everybody. I am doing much better today. Thanks to everyone also who sent the private messages sharing their experiences with me. While I was sad to hear about everyone else's heartbreaking losses, that genorisity of spirit helped me feel that I wasn't alone. My husband also thanks you, as he knows that my FORT friends mean a lot to me. I have been able to tell you all things I haven't been able to tell some close friends or family members. So again, thank you.

  5. #3425
    FORT Fogey Cornedbeef's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about the loss of your baby Lois. Take care of yourself.

  6. #3426
    PWS
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    Lois--hadn't checked the GD site for a couple of days so my condolences are belated, but not less heartfelt... had just clicked on the last page first and my heart just sank when I saw all those messages to you...so so sad for you... I know how much you'd hoped for this baby from all you'd written on other threads. Hold tight to your husband and family. Write to us if that will help you, , PWS

  7. #3427
    FORT Fogey ScoutMom's Avatar
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    Lois - I'm a new FORT member, but I can't help but be moved to send you my sympathies on your loss. I'm sure that your precious baby is an angel in heaven now. I'll keep you in my prayers.

  8. #3428
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    It's amazing to me really how you all have said just the right thing. And I know it's heartfelt and it means so much. I've had great support from all of you as well as my family and close friends. Many friends (who live in different states) have offered to come stay with me if my husband or I need anything. One good friend even offered to cancel her vacation overseas, even though she would've lost all the money she prepaid. Neighbors have stopped by with food, notes, flowers...things I hadn't expected (but certainly appreciated).

    But some people do not know how to deal with this loss, which is kind of ambiguous to them. It's not a child they've met, it's not a tangible thing to them. One colleague told me rather cheerfully, "Oh, that's horrible. But you can have more," as if I had just ruined a shoe and could go replace it with another one. Another called to wish me well and then spent the next 15 minutes talking about her troubles. Another said, "At least it wasn't a baby." Some just dealt with it by ignoring it. Someone who didn't know I had miscarried asked me how the baby was doing. When I told her, there was silence and then she said she had to go. I never heard from her again. Another friend said he had the flu and hung up on me when I called to tell him the sad news.

    Don't get me wrong--none of these are bad people. And I don't want you to waste any time thinking badly about them. This is just how some people view miscarriages. I also think this is how some people deal with bad news. I think most people who've never lost a baby through miscarriage (or had children of their own) tend to think that fetuses aren't really babies, so therefore the loss really can't be that great. Regardless of what the law says about fetuses and when life begins, this was our child, who had a beating heart until a few days ago. There generally are no funerals or memorial services for a miscarried baby. So by you all showing your care and concern, it really makes me feel like you're honoring my baby's memory and that means so much to me. He deserves to be remembered. Thank you all so much. You will never know how much I appreciate all of you and your kind words. You all have really said exactly the right things exactly when I needed to hear them.

  9. #3429
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Lois.
    Yup, with donuts!!

  10. #3430
    FORT Fogey Pyramid Solitaire by Disney's Tangled Champion combatcutie's Avatar
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    Oh lois, your post just brought tears to my eyes. It is so true that some don't know how to handle something like this.
    I can only please one person a day, today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either

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