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  1. #3031
    PWS
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    Quote Originally Posted by ANTM Mega Fan View Post
    I'm depressed because everyone around me has a lot of nice things that I don't. We live in a nice neighborhood, and we do OK, but it's like everything is on a lesser scale than everyone else. Car, house, no computers, no I-pods, etc.

    AND I got in a humongous fight with my mom about it, and she's really angry. Tips on how to appologize?
    You already did the hard part, realizing you need to. Congrats! Assuming this is a financial issue and not a values one....Something along the lines of, I'm really sorry, I'm an idiot, I know we'd have these things (well at least most of them) if we could afford it, and I know you (and Dad?) work really hard so we can live in this good school district for me. I just get down sometimes, but I"m sorry I took it out on you. I'm sure when I'm 30 I'll look back at this and think how good it was for my character and tell mey kids how easy they have it!
    I really could use a computer at home for school. Maybe my summer job money could go for that? Could we swing the monthly phone charges? Etc. etc. But be prepared to be graceful if they say no.

    Or if it's a values thing you could just start with I'm really sorry I yelled at you, and then skip to the 2nd paragraph.

    I don't know how your fights with her usually end, but most parents would be stunned by a follow up like that! Good luck!

    In the longer term, for your depression about this, you might want to do some volunteer work with some kids who will make you appreciate what you do have, and help you strengthen your values about what really matters in life. If you always look at the people who are better off than you (and unless you are one of Bill Gates' kids there always will be someone better off than you!) you lose perspective on where you are on the totem pole. See if you can give a hand up to kids who don't have what you do...maybe volunteer at a homeless shelter or food pantry.
    Won't hurt your college aps either, and maybe someday you'll have made enough to be helping out your parents financially as well as that same shelter...following in the Gates give back tradition.
    Last edited by PWS; 07-01-2006 at 04:58 PM.

  2. #3032
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
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    Snoopy: I'm so sorry about your job, but now you're away from that evil man, bigger and brighter things will come your way! I'm sure of it.

    pyroshay: My year was 2004. Almost didn't make it. Literally.

    ANTM MegaFan: myrosiedog and PWS gave excellent advice. Say sorry to your Mom. There's always someone who has more and always someone who has less. A major study proved that happiness does not come from things or income levels. See what is missing in your life instead of the things...set out some goals, volunteer, appreciate everyone, take care of your own spirit, keep busy, be active. A lot of things are just distractions from the wonderful people and animals around us. I don't have cable tv, I don't have a cell phone, an IPod, get the daily newspaper, a new car, a big house or an xbox. And I'm on dial-up on Windows 98. But I'm probably happier than I've been in a decade. Really.
    Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly

  3. #3033
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    Hey igotalife, I'm so sorry to read about your beautiful boat taking on all that water!!! Hang in there and know that we're pulling for you.

    I know how peaceful that boat was for you, and I truly hope you get her back out there on the water soon.

    Quote Originally Posted by misskitty View Post
    My year was 2004. Almost didn't make it. Literally.
    I'm sure glad that you did, misskitty!!!

  4. #3034
    FORT Fogey snoopy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ANTM Mega Fan View Post
    I'm depressed because everyone around me has a lot of nice things that I don't. We live in a nice neighborhood, and we do OK, but it's like everything is on a lesser scale than everyone else. Car, house, no computers, no I-pods, etc.

    AND I got in a humongous fight with my mom about it, and she's really angry. Tips on how to appologize?
    Is your mom a single mom? I am and my two teenage sons and I have had similar moments. We also live in a nice area, but in a condo on the marsh instead of the nice big houses like most of their friends. Until recently, they would not invite friends over because they were embarrassed that they didn't live in a house. We had a few fights, and I felt terrible that I had not provided enough or done enough to make them feel confident in who they were inside. Well, I talked them into having some "real" friends over, and now I am basically the "go-to" mom, and I have so many of their friends hanging out that I can't keep up! Ipods? No one has time to use them- Computer? Yes, I put on my headphones and listen to music when the kids need kid time. I drive an eleven year old car, and my boys have to share a small room, but I am THERE. All of their friends who attend private schools,and are driven there in an Escalade, and own Ipods, the best clothes, state of the art computers, huge bedrooms with a jacuzzi, pool in the backyard, etc., are at our house because they have an adult who pays attention to what they have to say, and who is actually at HOME more. Would you rather be rich with empty material things or rich with a parent who would rather make less money in order to spend more time with you? I am probably old enough to be your mom, and all it would take to apologize would be a hug and a "Thanks for loving me even when I'm not so nice, Mom!" Or doing the dishes unasked. That is what my boys do, since males are mostly incapable of verbally admitting they are sorry.

    How amazing you must be to be so young but know that your mom is hurting. Trust me, she would give you the world on a silver platter if she could. Most of the "rich" kids would give all their material possesions for a parent who was not spending all their energy making themselves wealthy instead of making their kids healthy emotionally. Sounds to me like she must be a pretty amazing parent. And you, as a result, have turned out to be a pretty amazing kid!
    Go Tigers!

  5. #3035
    First time caller Spoose's Avatar
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    To ANTM Mega Fan: lots of great advice above from fellow FoRTers, and to snoopy, great to hear your story. At the time I didn't realize it, but I'm greatful BOTH my parents were always around when I was a kid. I'm sure it helped me be the person I am today.

    So here are my troubles. A few years ago I had some serious health problems that went undiagnosed for far too long, had major surgery to correct it, and now I'm doing wonderfully. So much, in fact, I should be posting in the good news thread (I actually recently found out I don't need to be on oxygen for exercise anymore! Yay!)

    However, just when I was going through the surgery, my best friend who I met online years earlier moved from Ontario to be with me and to start a new career. We soon became a couple (more good news, I assure you), and I bugged him to get a family doctor in the city to take care of his asthma. I got him in to see the 'best' family doctor in town (I was referred to him when I was going through my health problems but he wasn't taking patients at the time) and he was prescribed Advair. Ironically, I was prescribed Advair for my shortness of breath (which turned out to be multiple blood clots in my lungs), so I had certain reservations about the purple inhaler, but it alleviated his asthma very quickly.

    Two months into his new job, he started having painful stomach problems. It got to the point where he couldn't work anymore, he was spending hours at a time in the bathroom and he couldn't eat anything. The doctors didn't really know what was wrong (chrons', colitis, ciliac disease and everything were ruled out through the multitude of tests he went through). He lost his job, things were stressful for a while and since I'm back in school, money was very tight. Through our powers of observation, we noticed he was ill after eating corn products and an allergy test confirmed he was allergic. Avoiding corn of all forms seemed to help a bit, but he never was 100% better.

    In March, he started a new job, and at the same time, I read that Advair caused serious stomach problems in a small percentage of people. He asked his doc about it, but his doc assured him the Advair wasn't the cause. So we went on avoiding corn....but his condition worsened again and he missed more work because he was in so much pain. He went to the doc again today and guess what? He was told to stop taking the Advair because another patient complained of serious stomach problems after being on Advair for 3 months.

    So, yet again I've been let down by the medical system here. I was finally healthy after 2 years of not being able to walk 100 feet without resting but my boyfriend was in continuous pain and discomfort. He says he will be mad if it turns out the Advair caused all these problems, but I'll be relieved if he is able to get back to normal. I'll be disappointed with the docs, but happy that we can finally start living like a normal couple and enjoying each other after being together for a year and a half.

    Wow, sorry for the long post. Along with venting my troubles, I hope this story is able to help anyone else having serious side effects from Advair. The more I read about it, the more I think it's a very dangerous drug.
    Don't let the small things sweat

  6. #3036
    MRD
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spoose View Post
    To ANTM Mega Fan: lots of great advice above from fellow FoRTers, and to snoopy, great to hear your story. At the time I didn't realize it, but I'm greatful BOTH my parents were always around when I was a kid. I'm sure it helped me be the person I am today.

    So here are my troubles. A few years ago I had some serious health problems that went undiagnosed for far too long, had major surgery to correct it, and now I'm doing wonderfully. So much, in fact, I should be posting in the good news thread (I actually recently found out I don't need to be on oxygen for exercise anymore! Yay!)

    However, just when I was going through the surgery, my best friend who I met online years earlier moved from Ontario to be with me and to start a new career. We soon became a couple (more good news, I assure you), and I bugged him to get a family doctor in the city to take care of his asthma. I got him in to see the 'best' family doctor in town (I was referred to him when I was going through my health problems but he wasn't taking patients at the time) and he was prescribed Advair. Ironically, I was prescribed Advair for my shortness of breath (which turned out to be multiple blood clots in my lungs), so I had certain reservations about the purple inhaler, but it alleviated his asthma very quickly.

    Two months into his new job, he started having painful stomach problems. It got to the point where he couldn't work anymore, he was spending hours at a time in the bathroom and he couldn't eat anything. The doctors didn't really know what was wrong (chrons', colitis, ciliac disease and everything were ruled out through the multitude of tests he went through). He lost his job, things were stressful for a while and since I'm back in school, money was very tight. Through our powers of observation, we noticed he was ill after eating corn products and an allergy test confirmed he was allergic. Avoiding corn of all forms seemed to help a bit, but he never was 100% better.

    In March, he started a new job, and at the same time, I read that Advair caused serious stomach problems in a small percentage of people. He asked his doc about it, but his doc assured him the Advair wasn't the cause. So we went on avoiding corn....but his condition worsened again and he missed more work because he was in so much pain. He went to the doc again today and guess what? He was told to stop taking the Advair because another patient complained of serious stomach problems after being on Advair for 3 months.

    So, yet again I've been let down by the medical system here. I was finally healthy after 2 years of not being able to walk 100 feet without resting but my boyfriend was in continuous pain and discomfort. He says he will be mad if it turns out the Advair caused all these problems, but I'll be relieved if he is able to get back to normal. I'll be disappointed with the docs, but happy that we can finally start living like a normal couple and enjoying each other after being together for a year and a half.

    Wow, sorry for the long post. Along with venting my troubles, I hope this story is able to help anyone else having serious side effects from Advair. The more I read about it, the more I think it's a very dangerous drug.
    Spoose, I am so sorry to hear about your problems. I too had serious health issues for 2 years before having surgery that corrected it. And the surgery that was supposed to be fairly easy, had me back in the hospital with an infection and other complications 4 days after I was discharged. The dr. and I both knew it was something that could not have been foreseen or really helped. He did 5 other similar surgeries that week and I was the only one with problems.
    I hope you and your boyfriend both find relief and good health.

    Medicines that work for some, are horrible for others. Advair did very well for my daughter's asthma and she had no side effects.
    I take anti-depressants and one I took made me unconscious for over 24 hours, yet a friend takes the same one with no problems.

    Everyone's body is totally different and what works for me, may not be right for someone else. And doctors don't know who's going to be the one it works for and who isn't. I know that's no help to you guys, but sometimes medicine is trial and error. And you always hope you aren't going to be the error.
    But I have spent years on different anti-depressants with different side effects before I found one that was perfect for me. Do I wish we had found it first? Yes, but I know that its a see if it works thing for a lot of patients.

    Hopefully now you guys are on the road to good health with no more problems.

    But medicine is not an exact science and probably never will be due to so many different factors in patients that influence all outcomes. So don't give up on the medical community even tho they didn't come through for you guys on this one.

    I used to work for a doctor, so I have had experience from both sides and I have to say that working for the dr. really gave me a LOT of insight I would have never had as a patient only.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  7. #3037
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    Quote Originally Posted by ANTM Mega Fan View Post
    I'm depressed because everyone around me has a lot of nice things that I don't. We live in a nice neighborhood, and we do OK, but it's like everything is on a lesser scale than everyone else. Car, house, no computers, no I-pods, etc.

    AND I got in a humongous fight with my mom about it, and she's really angry. Tips on how to appologize?
    Hi ANTM, not sure how old you are but perhaps you're a teenager? And are you female by any chance? I ask because I read somewhere that teenage girls say mean things to their mothers that they would never say to anyone else. By that, I don't mean that you're a horrible person for fighting with your mom. Rather, I'm trying to point out that teenage girls fight with their moms almost as a rite of passage. The fact that you feel badly about it and want to apologize shows that you are eons more mature than most adults. Congrats on that. Tell your mom that you're sorry you made her feel badly and that you didn't mean to take your anger out on her. Tell her that you know it's materialistic of you to want all the bells and whistles that all your friends have but that you can't help feeling the way that you do. Also, let her know that it's depressing you. I wouldn't be surprised at all if she can help you feel better.

    When I was growing up, we didn't live in a very nice place for a long time and there were lots of people who had much more than we did. My parents provided for all of us with new clothes, plenty of food and college educations. And NOT having money as a kid spurred me on to work really hard, save money and make something of myself. Unfortunately, life isn't fair. So while your friends may be handed everything from flat screen TVs to IPods, you may have to wait for them a little longer and perhaps even get a part time job to pay for some of these things yourself. My guess is, once you have all those things that they do, you'll find they aren't as nice as you had imagined. I know that's hard to digest, but I think it's great that your mom has you living in a great neighborhood (that probably has a very good school system).

    Dolly Parton sang an autobiographical song ("Patches" I think) about how all the kids at school used to make fun of her because she was poor and wore hand-me down clothes. She turned out all right.

    Good luck to you...and go talk to your mom!

  8. #3038
    Queen Chloe Harmoj's Avatar
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    Update

    Quote Originally Posted by Harmoj View Post
    I have a little good news.

    For now, I don't have to have surgery. They put me in a plaster cast and I have to go back at the end of the month for another check-up.

    I am still hurting a little, and very tired!

    Thanks for all your good thoughts and prayers!
    I don't have to have surgery! I'm out of my cast and in a brace!

    The Doctor said that it's healing really well and I start therapy this week. As long as that goes OK I should recover at least 80% of my movement.

  9. #3039
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harmoj
    I have a little good news.
    That's a LOT of GOOD NEWS Harmoj! You must be relieved not to have to have the surgery! I hope you manage ok with your cast. I've never had one but it must be awkward with the weight and such. Are you managing ok?
    Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly

  10. #3040
    Queen Chloe Harmoj's Avatar
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    I got my cast off on Friday misskitty and it is so nice to have this brace! I can take it off for short periods of time and I don't have to wear it in the shower. I still can't move my arm very well and it still hurts but it is better then having the cast on!

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