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  1. #2951
    MRD
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stars View Post
    The cabbage patch is the simple dance where you put your hands together and move your arms around the top of your torso in a circular motion. I look a plum fool while I'm doing it, so I rarely ever do do it, unless I'm getting paid. You don't have to pay me, but it would be nice. I'm gonna try to find a video of someone doing the cabbage patch, so you can pretend it's me doing it.

    Well get your dancing shoes on!!! It's time for the cabbage patch!!! Heck, I may even do it with you!
    While the day was a day from HELL. It actually was "I think" good news.

    We finally made it back home, the procedure went well. Won't know the results until next week, but the dr. felt it probably was not cancer, but again, we won't know definetly until next week, but he said he felt good about it and I'm thinking that he wouldn't say that unless he was pretty sure especially in these days of all kinds of law suits (not that I would sue, but..... you get the drift) Getting home was the problem. First the car overheated, but since I had not had anything to eat in over 12 hours, we stopped near a restaurant (of course NOT the one I had planned on, but it was ok) and let it cool off while we ate and hubby put more water in the radiator. We got 20 miles down the road and one of the back tires separated from the belt or something. (and we just bought new tires 2 weeks ago!!!) Not a flat, but it needed to be changed. I really didn't think we'd ever get home.
    I'm ready for some good luck now.

    And hubby didn't go to bed last night when I nagged him (hmm, wonder why) as we had to get up at 4 a.m. I was asleep by 8:30 and he came in around 11. Well he had his head up his butt all day because he was "tired".
    He tried to change the wrong tire even. I said: "look, I think I'm in better shape than you to drive home and I"ve had general anethesia and pain meds). But we got home finally and took a nap. Daughter stayed with friends which was a blessing as she had something to do and we had peace and quiet. He is now at Wal-Mart raising cain about the new tire being bad.

    BUT.......... I think it went well and I feel very positive about the results.

    MANY, MANY thanks to my FORT family for all the well wishes. You guys are the best!
    My best friend who'se husband died of cancer in March has not spoken to me in 2 weeks because she can't deal with me moving, so it was a hard week as I needed a friend to rely on and of course, the one I am the closest too has removed herself from my life, so if it wasn't for my friends here, I would have been a basket case all week.

    Thanks again.

    And Stars, commence the dancing.

    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  2. #2952
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    myrosiedog, I think we are all glad to hear from you!! Tests are rotten, to say the least. General anesthesia......rotten. Truthfully, I didn't expect to hear from you until tomorrow. Spoil yourself for the rest of the weekend, or as long as you need to! And let hubby spoil you as much as he needs to! This is how you take care of him. Indulge him when he tries to indulge you. This man is scared. Try to be understanding!

    Don't be annoyed with your friend. You moving is another loss for her. My guess is that she feels, somewhat, betrayed. And your hubby having issues...that's all about him being scared for you.

    Glad to see you back at the FORT!!

    Shay!
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  3. #2953
    Wait, what? ArchieComic Fan's Avatar
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    myrosie, I'm glad you and hubby made it home safe and sound! I'll keep sending positive vibes your way for your results. I'm sure you'll be fine!

    I hope your car is back in tip top shape before your drive to SC. Or will you be pulling it behind a moving van? Either way, I hope the worst of it is over for both you and the car!

    I had a feeling when you were hinting around recently about someone close to you hurting your feelings that it was this particular friend. I'm sorry she's abandoned you, especially since you were there for her during her time of need. All I can is it's her loss. She knew you were moving and shouldn't be acting like it's a surprise. She should be treasuring every day the two of you have left (she of all people should know about not taking for granted time with loved ones). I have friends in other states and it's not the end of the world. We email, chat on the phone, and get together when at all possible.

    I hope she comes around and apologizes to you because from everything I've read, you've been the best friend she could ever hope for and her cutting you off is not indicative that she's so distraught she'll miss you. It comes across more like her "on call at anytime of day and night for whatever reason" go-to person won't be available anymore to fulfill her needs. And shame on her when you're going through your own health issues and need her like you were there for her.

    I'm sorry, I don't even know her or you personally so I shouldn't sound so harsh . It just upsets me because I know how you were there for her and she is being selfish. A true friend would talk out her fears and tears with you, not just ignore you like you never existed. Okay, I'll stop. I don't mean to add to your pain, I'm feeling it with you.

    ETA: forget what I said, I just read prhoshay's reasoning and that's probably it. Maybe she just can't deal with another loss.

  4. #2954
    MRD
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    Actually Archie and Photoshay are both right about the friend. She does see this as another loss and she is incredibly selfish too. IT's a long, drawn out story which is why I haven't posted about it. But her mom has told her that she is acting like a 6 year old and that I was there for her every step of the way and to cut me out of her life is immature, blah, blah, blah. But in looking back, its pretty much been like that for a long time, I do for her, she doesn't do for me. I'm sad, but I'm getting over it. There won't be anyone here to do for her when I leave, so maybe that's what she needs to learn to do for herself.

    And even tho she's dealing with another loss, she's losing me. I'm losing every friend I have made in this town, so why don't MY feelings count?
    But I figured that if we were all good enough friends, we'd be friends no matter the distance as I have friends that live in other states that I talk on the phone too, email too and occasionally see.

    Her mom who I can talk freely with, told her about my biopsy today. I got an email from my friend, not a phone call and it basically said: good luck tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you. NO offer to help or do anything. I know a lot of this is a defense mechanism for her. And I really DO understand, but it doesn't lessen the hurt I feel, because I would never do this to any of my friends and I have been in this situation before where it hurt me to have to do something, but I sucked it up and did it because someone was needing me or depending on me.

    And hubby, well, he has an engineer's mentality (sorry not to offend any engineers out there). He rarely shows emotion. He doesn't get scared, he's been telling me all week, we'll deal with it when it happens and quit worrying now. He never worries, never gets embarrassed, etc. I know him well enough to know that today's actions were lack of sleep and nothing more.
    Been there too many times so I recognize it. I was the one more scared than he was. Considering that on Tuesday when I was crying so hard I could barely talk to him on the phone from the dr. office about today and he says: "do you want me to take off work on Fri. to take you???"
    Well I came unglued! "@#$#@ YES. I'm going under general anethesia and can't drive myself home you idiot!!!". He's a good man, been a great husband and father, but sometimes he just has his head up his butt. He can't help it. But I love his other good qualities so much, I can usually ignore the rectal-cranium connection.

    I really don't understand the car thing either. It's not like its a piece of crap car (the car wash did break the door handle on the inside yesterday and then it overheats today and loses a tire, so who knows.) But its been in good shape and been a good car. I guess it just decided to be onery today for some reason. It will be given a tuneup and oil change before we leave for SC. I will be driving the car with the 2 dogs, the teenager and whatever we can't fit into the uhaul so it better be in good shape. Hubby is driving the uhaul. I envy him

    Oh and photoshay, I have been spoiled with a nice nap and hubby is bring me crab cakes home. I have gone from a craving for WEndy's chili where I was eating it almost everyday to now wanting crab cakes all the time. I KNOW I am not pregnant, but my previous surgery causes these cravings apparantly. So he is getting the crab cakes and I am going to take it easy. Oh and he's going to color my hair for me tonight. He doesn't like anyone to know he does this, but he does a good job.
    I actually feel pretty good. The procedure was only 30 min. so I wasn't under long and the drugs seem to have worn off. I'm not in pain. But I do have a funny story to tell and don't know which thread to post it in. It involves something I had to do before this morning for the doctor and I'm telling you, it was the most undignified thing ever, but at least I found it funny. I'll try to post it later.
    Last edited by MRD; 06-23-2006 at 08:42 PM.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  5. #2955
    FORT Fogey Muduh's Avatar
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    This friend has always struck me as a user. Of course she's angry because you're leaving. Who else is going to put up with her crap like you have? She showed her true colors the night she caused you to cancel, or delay your birthday dinner plans. What fill grown woman has to have another woman to come and settle her kids down? That sounded like a flimsy excuse to ruin your evening.

    If I'm remembering this wrong, and it wasn't even you, or her, but some other Forter, I really dont want to know about it.
    Last edited by Mantenna; 06-23-2006 at 11:53 PM.

  6. #2956
    MRD
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    Sorry for the double post.

    Here is the story of my test trouble.
    It also may fall under the heading of TMI!!! If so, I am sorry.


    I had to do a 24 hour urine collection for my doctor to bring in this morning. So, they give me a big orange tubular jug about a foot long to collect the urine in. Number 1, the opening is not nearly big enough to pee into with out it getting on your hands (think slightly and only slightly larger than a specimen cup) and number 2, the jug is so long, that no way can you squat over the toilet and hold this under you. The bottom is going to be in the toilet water. They give you an instruction sheet but it does not tell you how to collect the urine, only that it must be collected and refrigerated.
    After trying to figure out what to do, McGyver, my husband comes up with the solution to use a gallon jug we get bottled water in. He cuts the bottom off. This way, I have a handle to hold onto, the opening is PLENTY big enough and I can just stick it under me and go and then pour it into the container they gave me. Well I don't want to put the container in the house fridge, so every time I have to pee, I have to run onto the back porch and get it out of the "extra" refrigerator that we keep drinks and stuff in. That got old the 2nd time. So I drug out the styrofoam cooler we had, put in a bag of ice and have the pee container on ice in the bathroom. So between the water jug and the ice chest, I had an interesting day and believe me, I am not coordinated enough to hold the water jug with the pee in it and try to wipe with the other hand, not spilling the pee before I get it into the other container,so needless to say, I've also had to mop the bathroom a couple times as I can't really do this over the toilet either because of the way our bathroom is set up. So here I am squatting in front of the toilet with pants at the ankles with the water jug and then trying to carefully pour it into the container in the cooler while dribbling everywhere and trying not to trip over my underwear as well. Whoever invented this test was a man, I know it. A man could just use the damn jug they gave me with no problem. There is no easy way for a woman to do this without having to mop and shower after each time.

    Then I took a sleeping pill. that makes the "data" collection even harder as I was slightly woozy and weaving.
    I'm surprised I wasn't wearing the pee!

    I am just not coordinated to do stuff like this. But it got done and now I can laugh about the "efforts" of yesterday.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  7. #2957
    FORT Fogey Muduh's Avatar
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    Oh, God, my husband had to do one of those a few years ago and I was elected to take it in to the office. Well you just know that the whole jug never got there. Part of it ended up on the back floorboard. Yuck!

    If you should ever have to do that again (God forbid), let me know and I'll tell you a trick I learned while working in the hospital.

  8. #2958
    MRD
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muduh View Post
    This friend has always struck me as a user. Of course she's angry because you're leaving. Who else is going to put up with her crap like you have? She showed her true colors the night she caused you to cancel, or delay your birthday dinner plans. What fill grown woman has to have another woman to come and settle her kids down? That sounded like a flimsy excuse to ruin your evening.

    If I'm remembering this wrong, and it wasn't even you, or her, but some other Forter, I really dont want to know about it.
    Yes Muduh you are right about it all. Funny thing is that she was not at all like this when I met her or I probably would not have continued the friendship. She and I used to have a great relationship of give and take and we were as close as sisters. Her husband was sick for 3 years before he died and I KNOW that has to change you. But it has changed our relationship for the worse. I guess that someone in that time, I took on the role of protector/support/whatever and while I did it willingly because they did need me, now its gotten to be a habit and she treats me badly without any regard to my feelings or plans or whatever. I have dropped and run for the last time. It's time she considered my feelings somewhat.

    She has become a user, she's become selfish and insensitive to others feelings. So while I am hurt, I also understand where a life changing event like she went through can make you different. I mean, I don't want you to think "well, gosh her husband died so its part of the process for her to be emotional and selfish and you are being a s*** for not understanding."
    I do understand, but when the shoe was on the other foot and I suffered loss and emotional distress, I still did not treat the people that loved me or had helped me like this. And it would be horrifying to me to even think to treat anyone like this. And this right there is my problem. I think about other people way more than I should and I always end up getting hurt.

    Emotions are so complex and are not black and white but shades of gray so while I understand, I am still hurt by what she has done to me and while I miss what we had before, I don't want to keep going back to just get kicked in the teeth over and over.

    I know she has suffered a loss. We all have. Her husband was a dear friend as well to me and my husband and even her mom says that none of us are allowed to grieve him as she owns the monopoly on that. But we do grieve him as we miss him too. Not in the same way she does, but we have all suffered the loss, not just her.

    And me moving away means I am leaving the only home I have ever known. I've lived in Florida all my life and most of it spent in the same area. My hometown is only 30 min. from where I live now. My family helped settle this area. We have been here for several generations and I had a great-great grandfather who fought in the Civil War for Florida, so that is how long our roots go back. So I am leaving family history, my home, my friends, my extended family and going to someplace entirely new. So I am experiencing a loss as well for a lot of things. I know moving is going to be better for us and I'm happy and feel good about it. But at the same time I am sad to leave so much behind and I'm leaving ALL my friends in Florida, not just her. She's just losing me and while I won't be here, we could have still talked on the phone and emailed which we did before anyway even tho we live in the same town.
    And I will be coming back here.

    At this time, I am not answering her emails and I don't intend to. I really don't want to talk to her or communicate with her at present. I have done so much for so many (and remember he died right after my surgery in March, so a lot of emotional upheaval was going on at the same time). I still drug myself out of bed to go to his death bed when I should have been home and I did the same thing the next day to go see her after he died and I was put back in the hospital afterwards for 5 days because I was so sick and shouldn't have been running all over trying to be there for everyone. I was still not completely well, but I gave the Eulogy at his memorial service.
    Well I have given so much of myself, my family has suffered and my health and wellbeing have suffered and even my therapist says I need to concentrate on me and my family now. I can't fix her. I don't want to fix her. I mourn the loss of what she used to be and the loss of her husband and my friend.

    But I am not going to put myself back into a position to keep getting hurt. Everything must be on her terms and I'm sick of it. So she is now having to deal with her kids herself and her life herself and the quicker she learns the better off she will be.
    I just hope in the end she doesn't turn out to be too bitter. She is only 36 so she has her whole life ahead of her.

    I do still care about her, but I have got to set limits and boundaries and I now know how much I am willing to take and willing to give and right now, that is not much.

    Anyway, its just a sad situation and if this is how she wants to play it, then so be it. If she "needs space" she's got it. I don't intend to call or email.

    I detest playing games. In fact, I refuse to play and this has worked both well and not so well with me in life and career, but its stupid and I don't do it. We are adults, this is not middle school. The best compliment my husband ever gave me was when we were dating and he said: I really like you because you don't play games like so many other girls do. I don't. With me, what you see is what you get. I had the same problem with a midwife that worked in our practice. She was not my boss, but she treated me like crap, played all kinds of head games and finally I stood up to her and said: You aren't my boss and I'm sick of playing these games, so either tell me what you want and do it with respect and not like you are ordering a slave around, or get the RN to assign a different MA to you because I am NOT putting up with it any longer. And you know after that, we actually became a good team at work and got along well.

    Aw well, I told you all it was a long drawn out saga and this is only the tip of the iceberg. Thanks for letting me vent about it.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  9. #2959
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    If you lay it on the line with your friend, I bet you'd feel better! Get it out!
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  10. #2960
    PWS
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muduh View Post
    Oh, God, my husband had to do one of those a few years ago and I was elected to take it in to the office. Well you just know that the whole jug never got there. Part of it ended up on the back floorboard. Yuck!

    If you should ever have to do that again (God forbid), let me know and I'll tell you a trick I learned while working in the hospital.
    Tell us, tell us, Muduh!! You never know when someone will need this info!
    Very funny story, myrosiedog, even tho I know it wasn't funny at the time. You are not alone though---you should have seen me trying to pee into a little collection bottle the other day...before, duh, I remembered you were supposed to use a cup and then pour it in. Don't think even a 20 year old guy with steady hands could have gotten it in that tube without the "contact" they tell you to avoid or major "spashback".
    Sorry about your friend...I know that must hurt...look at it that you did a lot of what you did for her husband as well.... keeping her calmed down in his last days was no doubt a blessing to him and to their kids. So not a total waste of your time. I know it is meanspirited of me, but I were you I wouldn't be able to resist looking at her emails to see if she is finally realizing what a good friend she's been losing with her behavior, or if she is just emailing you to come over and quiet her kids again!
    Last edited by PWS; 06-24-2006 at 05:15 PM.

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