I have hesitated posting because I thought that typing the words might somehow make it more real, but it has been two weeks. I think I need to to say this.
My sister passed away suddenly, but truly, not completely unexpectedly, on March 13th of cardiac failure.
She was one of several older sisters, but only I could say she was MY big sister. She taught me about makeup and boys and music beyond Top 40. She got me in trouble with the nuns because she would let me read what she was reading, which was not always appropriate - there was a five year difference in our ages. She encouraged me in all things. When I was younger, she is the sister I could ask anything of and know I could count on her to answer me thoughtfully and with great care for my feelings.
She was beautiful, smart, and caring, yet there was such a vulnerability about her that everyone that met her wanted to take care of her. She smiled from the bottom of her heart.
When we were older our roles changed and I, like others, felt the need to take care of her. I couldn't always, sometimes by her choice, sometimes by mine. She was in a car accident 2 years ago and broke her back in several places. She went through rehab and was able to walk again, but she was in constant pain. She wasn't herself after that.
My faith tells me she is with those that went before her, including her two children who died in infancy, and our dad. I know she is no longer in pain. But I miss her.