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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #2091
    Who Dat lildago's Avatar
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    queenb, I'll be thinking of you and your friend. Hope all goes well!

    Star, I know it's hard being sick with a little one around to care for. Too bad moms don't get sick days like the rest of the work force. Try to rest as much as possible. Feel better soon!

    geek, I'm sending positive thoughts your way!

    Hugs to all of you!
    Getting lost will help you find yourself.

  2. #2092
    FORTfruity applesauce's Avatar
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    Hugs to queenb,star and geek. I'll keep you all in my thoughts this week.

  3. #2093
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    Thanks, guys. Everyone here is so supportive. It's something I always appreciate.

    As an update, my daughter is doing great. She's a little worn out from having the birthday festivities while she was recovering, but otherwise, she seems to be just fine.

    I've not been able to shake the sore throat or fever. *sigh* I may need to visit my family doctor this week.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  4. #2094
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    I don't know if you have an *I Need advice* thread somewhere- so I'll talk about my troubles and hopefully get some advice!
    My daughter is in 7th grade. About a month ago a situation happened where a bunch of girls (friends of hers) got into trouble because of something they were doing which was dangerous. I told another mom about it, because I found out from my daughter and she got in trouble also. Anyway- this mom tells all of the other moms so all of the other girls got into trouble. So they get TICKED at my daughter (which wasn't her fault- it was mine!) and start bullying her at school. It's a group of about 5 girls. No serious bullying, but real subtle. Mostly nasty words and such, or going up to her and her friend saying "Are you afraid of us? You should be!" Petty crappy stuff like that. This went on for about a week and I kept telling her to ignore it- they will find a new victim soon. So, it finally got to the point that they were all just ignoring each other and all was fine. Then all of the sudden, the *ring leader* of the group decides to start in again! Clearly out of the blue! So my daughter told me today that they are now starting rumors about them (that they sleep with all of the guys to get popular , but justifying starting it by saying my girl started one first- which is BS!). I have had it with these girls and my daughter is getting so angry that she feels she can't *fight back* somehow. No one has laid a hand on anyone, so I can't bring them into the school office. I would really like to call the moms of the ring leaders and tell them to tell thier children to lay off! But my daughter would be mortified for one thing and the bullying would probably get worse!
    My daughter is not a wallflower, and will respond when provoked, but why should she? Why can't these girls just leave her alone? She didn't do anything to them! (and what is funny is that they have all gone to school together since 1st grade, although they have never been best friends by any means)
    I'm more upset at the fact that if these moms knew how their daughters were acting, they would be appauled- and surprised! I don't know how to get these kids to leave her alone without embarassing my daughter to death.
    Anyone??

  5. #2095
    Premium Member canuckinchile's Avatar
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    Wow. Ya, been there...and the only thing I can recommend is talking to someone at the school that you trust, and coming up with a plan of action like a group meeting with all the girls.

    Kids can be so nasty, and it escalates so quickly...but can also de-escalate as well. The hormones and peer pressure are killers at that age, and having a supportive family (even though the kids don't recognize until later) are the important things and will give them a cushion even though they may not see it at the time.

    If she is about to enter another school in grade eight, her problems may disappear. Good luck, be strong...and you seem to have a good understanding of the situation so it will probably work out okay

  6. #2096
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    Oh man. Junior high girls can be pure evil. I've been on the receiving end of that kind of treatment, too. Fun, fun. If I were you, I'd ask her to tell you if she feels like her safely is at risk. If not, I'd just stay out of it as much as possible. That sucks, but you'll probably just prolong the drama if you try and get involved. You're really in a no-win situation that I don't envy at all. Do what you feel is right. Good luck.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  7. #2097
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    Quote Originally Posted by canuckinchile View Post
    Wow. Ya, been there...and the only thing I can recommend is talking to someone at the school that you trust, and coming up with a plan of action like a group meeting with all the girls.

    Kids can be so nasty, and it escalates so quickly...but can also de-escalate as well. The hormones and peer pressure are killers at that age, and having a supportive family (even though the kids don't recognize until later) are the important things and will give them a cushion even though they may not see it at the time.

    If she is about to enter another school in grade eight, her problems may disappear. Good luck, be strong...and you seem to have a good understanding of the situation so it will probably work out okay
    There is a mediation type of group at school, led by peers, who could get the girls together and help work this all out. I asked my daughter if she would like me to look into it, and I was met with a resounding NO! I don't blame her- she doesn't want to feel like mommy has to work her problems out for her. I keep telling her to just ignore and to never, ever throw a punch or anything. (she could get suspended at her school for it)
    Unfortunately, she will be in the same school next year.
    Thanks for the response

  8. #2098
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stargazer View Post
    Oh man. Junior high girls can be pure evil. I've been on the receiving end of that kind of treatment, too. Fun, fun. If I were you, I'd ask her to tell you if she feels like her safely is at risk. If not, I'd just stay out of it as much as possible. That sucks, but you'll probably just prolong the drama if you try and get involved. You're really in a no-win situation that I don't envy at all. Do what you feel is right. Good luck.
    I have told her that if she feels really threatened, like she was really afraid, then I would step in. She does feel scared, but feels like she can handle it. I just keep giving her *advice* like ignoring it,and trying to show her how stupid these girls must look to others. I know that girls at this age are enemies one day and best friends the next (which won't happen here) but I do hope they can at least co-exist somehow. Thankfully Christmas break starts tomorrow.
    Thanks to you also for the response.

  9. #2099
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    When I was in your daughter's position way back when, there was a teacher that noticed the situation and stepped in to mediate. She sat all of us down to "talk it out". It was humiliating for me and the other girls just treated me *worse* after it was over. So I know where your daughter is coming from. However, I've heard stories of girls being beat up and such by bullies, so hopefully she'll keep you informed if they get any worse. Just keep your lines of communication with her open so she WILL tell you whats going on. That's really all you can do.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  10. #2100
    Here's your sign JAFO'S PRINCESS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stargazer View Post
    When I was in your daughter's position way back when, there was a teacher that noticed the situation and stepped in to mediate. She sat all of us down to "talk it out". It was humiliating for me and the other girls just treated me *worse* after it was over. So I know where your daughter is coming from. However, I've heard stories of girls being beat up and such by bullies, so hopefully she'll keep you informed if they get any worse. Just keep your lines of communication with her open so she WILL tell you whats going on. That's really all you can do.
    Stargazer's right. I think everybody gets picked on in school to some degree but if you are considered "the enemy" by a group (especially girls) LOOK OUT!! I was one of those who was picked on constantly. The best thing my family did was to just be there. I knew they were giving the best advice they could and it did help to kow that someone cared. the way you described your daughter sounds to me like the way I finally got in High school. If she stands up for herself (verbally) and just tells these girls "look, you got in trouble, your fault, leave me alone" they might or they will just keep up. But fighting them will get her nowhere. there were so many catty girls who all wanted to fight me or 'beat me up' in school but when I turned around and asked them where I should meet them they walked away. Those girls just want to be cruel. "beating them up" will not solve anything. The only advice I have is not to be an EASY target. But, like Stargazer said just be there for her and it'll pass. Someone else will become a bigger target.
    I might as well work. I'm in a bad mood anyway.
    "I like to base my help on how happy you expect to be." Dogbert's tech support.

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