+ Reply to Thread
Like Tree1680Likes

Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #1861
    FORT Fan Shaybo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    southern florida
    Age
    45
    Posts
    267
    I just found out that where I'm living won't get power back until Nov. 22. Willlllllmaaaaaaaaa. My husband and I have a generator and using that for TV, refrigerator, and computer.
    Shaybo

  2. #1862
    Never a dull moment! chrelsey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Texas
    Age
    50
    Posts
    708
    HappyCynic - First, let me say "way to go!" As someone else pointed out, what you did really took a lot of courage and trust on your part, which shows that you are a person of maturity and character.

    Second I would caution you against jumping to the conclusion that your sister is angry with you, that she should just grow up and accept everything, or to let yourself feel that she is treating you badly right now. From what I read in your posts she hasn't lashed out at you or yelled at you, she has simply become a little distant. I have to say that, given the circumstances, I really do think that is completely normal. You have had a long time to adjust to and accept who you really are - yet she has just found out. Believe it or not, there might even be a grieving process for her . . . grieving the loss of the person she thought she had known you to be, and grieving the future that she had formed in her mind for you. Now, it's not her place to have any bearing on your future, but we all think about the future of our loved ones, and we all imagine happiness for them in many different ways. For her to now come to grips with what you shared, she may have to go through the stages of grief - shock, denial, anger and sadness - before she gets to the place where she comes to acceptance. This might be a long process, or it might be a very short process - it all depends - everyone is different.

    And, while you may be tempted to "read" her silence as disapproval or anger, in all reality, she might simply be processing - or grieving. Just let her know how much you appreciate her listening to you the other day, and that you will give her whatever support or time she needs in this as well.

    Please know I'm truly not trying to be harsh . . . these are simply my thoughts. And, I think you deserve major kudos!
    I don't have OCD, I have CDO. It's like OCD except that the letters are in alphabetical order like they should be!

  3. #1863
    giz
    giz is offline
    FORT Fogey giz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    1,895
    Well said, Chrelsey. I know if my kids (my siblings are long grown up so can't quite imagine that) were to say they are gay it would take some processing. My daughter last year actually asked me if she might be gay (she was 9!) (she may or may not be, I think it's possible she was just too young to have feelings for boys, but our culture is so darn sexualised she thought she should). I said, well you might be or it might be you're too young to know. You'll know for sure in the next 5 years or so. She said would you mind, and I said "no, your dad and I wouldn't mind. I guess I'd worry a little that it might cause you some trouble as other people might be wierd about it, but aside from that we'd be fine." But you know what, if she was gay, I would have a little - I hesitate to saying grieving process because it sounds drastic - adjustment period. You have ideas about where someone's life is going and they have the nerve (joke) to tamper with it, it takes time to readjust your daydreams. As Chrelsey so eloquently said, this may be what your sister is doing.

  4. #1864
    Cynical Optimist ThehappyCynic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    26
    Posts
    474
    chrelsey, that wasn't harsh at all and I appreciate the honesty. I understand that she's shocked and maybe she's grieving... but it IS hard watching her detatch herself from me. I guess I should consider myself lucky with her reaction. I've heard of much worse reactions. Even so, it's weird. I'm glad she knows this about me because before, as much as she knew me and as close as we were, there was just so much I wanted to tell her. And now that she knows my sexual orientation (I don't consider it a huge aspect of who I am, but it's still something I'm defined by), I cant tell her any of these things. I hope I didn't ruin the relationship with her. We haven't really talked. I've tried, but she's been brushing me off since. Anyways thanks again, everyone.

    And Shaybo, that sucks about Wilma but the generator should make things a bit easier for you guys.

  5. #1865
    FORT Fan Shaybo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    southern florida
    Age
    45
    Posts
    267
    The happyCynic,
    Thank you for saying that.
    Charlsy,
    You weren't harsh at all in fact you were stating your own opinion.

    Ok now I need to really gripe Iam soooo sick and tired of taking cold showers. Brrrrrrr.
    Shaybo

  6. #1866
    fortfan shyra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Age
    50
    Posts
    468
    I found out that a woman I used to work with was killed yesterday by her husband who then turned the gun on himself leaving 3 kids with no parents

  7. #1867
    Cy Young 2010 Mariner's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Waiting for Spring
    Posts
    16,924
    Quote Originally Posted by shyra
    I found out that a woman I used to work with was killed yesterday by her husband who then turned the gun on himself leaving 3 kids with no parents
    Oh shyra, that's horrible. I hope there are relatives who can take the kids and help them. Can you talk about this with other people who used to work with her? That might help you.

  8. #1868
    fortfan shyra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Age
    50
    Posts
    468
    Thank you Mariner...her mom lives in the house next to hers and the kids are with her mom as of now, not sure what will happen later as I don't know if Sandy's husband's parents are around or not. I have talked to a few of my old co-workers about it, most worked with her more then I did when I was there and they are really having a tough time dealing with this. The workplace is also having grief counselling for anyone who wants to go but I am not sure I could go as I no longer work there. Regardless, I will be okay, I just feel so bad for the kids having no mom now and of course for this whole situation and everyone involved...

  9. #1869
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    salt lake city ut
    Age
    43
    Posts
    19,108
    Oh, Shyra. Those poor babies. How awful. You should call your former boss and see if they would let you join in on the grief counseling. Just because you no longer work there doesn't mean you aren't affected by this. I bet they would let you join. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family.


    TheHappyCynic: Sorry I am late with my two cents, but here it is. I have been in the position your sister is in. My sister came out to me just before she left her husband. It was a difficult idea to get used to, but I did. I don't think your relationship with your sister is ruined...give her time to get used to the idea. If she is truly mad, then it is her problem not yours. You can't help who you are. {{hugs}}

  10. #1870
    Cynical Optimist ThehappyCynic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    26
    Posts
    474
    Quote Originally Posted by shyra
    I found out that a woman I used to work with was killed yesterday by her husband who then turned the gun on himself leaving 3 kids with no parents
    Oh wow, I'm sorry to hear that. That's really terrible. Stories like that make me feel guilty for whining about my problems. But yeah, talking to people you used to work would probably help. You can all kind of grieve together. Those poor kids though.


    Quote Originally Posted by dagwood
    TheHappyCynic: Sorry I am late with my two cents, but here it is. I have been in the position your sister is in. My sister came out to me just before she left her husband. It was a difficult idea to get used to, but I did. I don't think your relationship with your sister is ruined...give her time to get used to the idea. If she is truly mad, then it is her problem not yours. You can't help who you are. {{hugs}}
    A little late but still very much appreciated. Thanks.

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.