Talk about your troubles

[dberk]

Snoopy, ...I'm glad you came to that decision. Frankly, I'd tell him what you told us. Just in a more caring way.

I would be completely straightforward with him. If your good opinion matters to him it might force him to see the truth. If your good opinion doesn't matter to him, you should write him off in the nicest possible way.

[canuckinchile]

His mistake could influence your life in so many negative ways if you chose to connect up with him. You would never be able to travel outside your country for one thing. He would always have a record. I myself would run not walk away from this guy. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

[joeguy]

OK, I told you all about the mailbox and the nice enormous truck repair bill. so the wife calls my yesterday afternoon to tell me she got into an accident right after she dropped me off to pick up the truck. the early morning sun was in her eyes and she missed the left lane as she was turning left and was in the center turning lane so she slowly moves to the left and the idiot behind her sees her coming over and can get inot the right lans. so does he hit the brakes and slow down to let her in.........NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OO! chucklehead goes and clips her right front bumper with his left rear bumper so now she has a $145 tickert and needs to go to court.....not a good weekend at all.

[nlmcp]

Now he is under house arrest for selling drugs. (pot). His "girlfriend " dumped him. I care about him, and will not abandon him for making a seriously bad judgement call, but neither will I have a relationship with someone (even a cared for friend) who has made such a pathetic choice in life. Now he is trying to make ME feel guilty for not wanting to pursue a romantic connection.

What do I say to someone who I do care about, but do not want to encourage, as a result of his really bad choices? HELP!

You tell him right out. You made some bad choices and you are clearly living a lifestyle I don't want to live. I'll be your friend because clearly you need one but that's as far as that is going. And then you be prepared to repeat it because my guess is he is only going to hear what he wants to hear.

I'm in the middle of doing this for a male friend of 25 years. Yes it's hard, yes it may end the friendship but I can't get into a relationship with this guy. I tried briefly and it's not going to work for many reasons.


Ow Joeguy. that didn't help matters.

[canuckinchile]

Joeguy...avoid black cats and ladders! Seriously, that stinks. It can only get better...

[Marleybone]

His mistake could influence your life in so many negative ways if you chose to connect up with him. You would never be able to travel outside your country for one thing. He would always have a record. I myself would run not walk away from this guy. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

I totally agree. snoopy - you have mentioned that you sort of have a history of picking the wrong guy. This is the wrong guy. This is what you said a short ways upthread:

Hopefully she will wake up and realize that while wasting time with a dirtbag, she is delaying meeting the man who will treat her like the queen she is.

Listen to your own advice dear, and I mean that in the most loving way.


joeguy - That sucks. It was the last thing you needed. I do hope your wife is OK.

[joeguy]

she is ok,. I forgot.....she wrecked her other van 367 days ago. yes one year and 2 days ago. going to visit her folks. guess where she went to this morning.......yes! to visit her folks. so I have to tell her the folks are off limits unless she gets a ride cause they keep wrecking her vans.

[snoopy]

Thanks, all of you who responded! You helped reinforce what I already knew, but I now have a stronger backbone. It's really sad, he used to be a professional volleyball player, and he's sweet and gorgeous to boot! But I refuse to be the enabler for anyone, and he's got a big hill to climb alone romantically, but I will support him in trying to clean himself up.

It's funny how YOU guys have given better advice than the people I see face to face daily. Thanks!

[snoopy]

And Marley, you hit the nail on the head - listen to my own D#$MN advice!

[Stargazer]

Just hang in there, snoopy. Who knows? Maybe several years from now, he'll have turned his life completely around and he'll be more understanding of your decisions. If not, you still did the right thing for YOU and that's what's important.