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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #15521
    Only old on the outside! AZChristian's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by causingchaos View Post
    I'm just so blindsided by his mom's crazy.
    I suspect "mom's crazy" is her defense mechanism. It's the way she's chosen to deal with her son. Sorry you're hurting.
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  2. #15522
    Kitten time! Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Sounds like your best move is to avoid the whole lot of them. I feel for you.
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  3. #15523
    FORT Fogey causingchaos's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I'm just glad I'm finished with my major tattoos so I really never have to step foot in that shop again. Any tattooing I have left I have a plethora of options. I got my ears pierced last month (cartilage area). I went to the guy who did my nose 15 years ago and we had a long talk too. The tattoo world is really small. I mean it's bigger than it was but it's still a small world. We talked about the shop he used to work at. How that artist went off the rails with drugs (and incidentally now at the shop I used to go to). I was like yeah I don't need to go back there.

    On the plus side I didn't really associate with any of those folks any ways. I don't get food from where he slings pizza. I don't hang out at the bar beneath there. Not going to shop anymore. I've for all intents and purposes vanished out of his world. Because it's not my world. That world hasn't been my world for a really long time and I don't miss it. I don't miss the junky drama. Everyone all up in everyone else's stuff all the time. The make believe problems.

    His mom.... she'll just have to live with the choices she makes. She was missing payments on her house and car supporting his drug habit before. Like my coworker said. He has no reason to quit because he has the most perfect enabler living there with him. And I'm out of that drama too. She doesn't like it, she'll have to change.She doesn't want those people in her house she'll have to say something to him. Not my problem.

  4. #15524
    O.Snap! JosephD's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    You're making the right choice, Chaos. Sometimes you just have to walk away. As for his mom enabling him, that's going to be a very hard lesson for her to learn. If she finally does realize it's just not worth it, that may not be until after he's wiped out her savings account and pawned most of her belongings.

    Friends and relatives who enable someone's toxic behavior when that person's not trying to change are only kidding themselves. I can understand supporting a loved one -- not enabling, but supporting -- if the person is in rehab and making a serious effort to change, but even then the clock should be ticking. You have to be careful you don't get sucked into making excuses for that person if the person has a relapse. You have to be firm because the addict is a master manipulator and he or she is an expert at twisting the truth.

    I learned the hard way, almost died and I don't ever want to go through that again. There are only two things that will make me turn 'tough love' and walk away from someone, regardless of whether they're a family member or friend: drinking and drugs. I don't tolerate drug addicts in my life and I don't tolerate alcoholics either.

    Good luck to you.
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  5. #15525
    FORT Fogey causingchaos's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I think that's what really bothered me about his mom. She was constantly asking me to help him and so happy when he was moving forward with treatment. And then when i visited her when he was in treatment she spent hours talking about all the crappy things he did to her. He was really mean to her. The theft and pawning of stuff and how much she hates his "friends" coming around and the car stuff. And how she's never going to do that again because she's going to lose the house and the car. And he shows back up (mind you he's 40 so not a young pup here) and it's right back to how it was. That's what blind sided me. I have like no tolerance for that. I expected him to hop right back into his old life. I expected a little better from her.

    Her other kids don't even talk to her anymore because of this situation. And I get it's hard to watch your kid suffer and kill himself like he is. I mean him up dope sick every night screaming at her every morning. No one wants to see their kid suffer.... but yeah. Don't expect other people to come in and clean up your messes if you're not going to lift a finger to clean them up yourself. He can't get better if he's surrounded by a sick system.
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  6. #15526
    Best Ever Pool Runner Angry Birds Champion pikachu's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I'm having major problems with my car so it looks like I might need to be walking or biking from now on.

    There's been a crack in the radiator for a few months now and I couldn't afford to have it fixed so I've just been adding coolant to it. The leak got worse so I asked my dad to help me with the cost to get a new radiator and I had that put in on Saturday. Unfortunately there's still a leak and it's even worse so I took it back in to where I got it repaired and now they're saying the head gasket needs to be replaced. I definitely can't afford to get that work done (they estimated it will be $1,822 with parts and labor), and I'd been considering walking or biking to work for weeks to save money so now it looks like it's no longer just an option.

    This is going to be hard not just on me but on my blind friends. I go to their homes to do jobs for them (usually computer work or running errands) and give them rides so I won't be able to do that anymore. I don't think I'll be able to go to our Council of the Blind meetings anymore, either, because where we meet is too far for me to walk or bike.

    I need to take my cat, Pipsqueak, to the vet for a shot and to get flea treatment and I haven't decided how I'm going to do that. I don't know if I want to walk from my house. It's about 2 miles away so it would take 40 minutes. On my own, it would be fine but carrying her in her cat carrier seems like it would be a problem. Plus, I'm not looking forward to walking 40 minutes there, having a 20 or 30 minute appointment, and then having to walk another 40 minutes. I might have to wait to take her in when I can afford to take a cab there.

    I'm hoping that my dad can come up with a solution because it's not looking good.
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  7. #15527
    9/11/2001 NEVER FORGET. Bookworm Champion Eastcoastmom's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I'm sorry about your car problems, Pikachu. Does your bicycle have a front basket? Perhaps you can take your cat in the carrier and cycle those 2 miles if you do have a basket. Certainly better than walking. Perhaps a co-worker might be able to help you out with a lift to the vet? I wish I lived near you to give you a lift.

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  8. #15528
    FORT Fogey PGM35's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    What about Uber or Lyft - a 2 mile ride wouldn’t be very much $5-$10 maybe.


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  9. #15529
    Best Ever Pool Runner Angry Birds Champion pikachu's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I ended up getting K-Seal, an additive you put in with your coolant to seal leaks. So far it's working. At the moment I'm mostly just driving my car to and from work or short distances from my house. If I go on a longer trip, like to visit my dad, I might want to rent a car.
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  10. #15530
    FORT Fogey navybelle's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Car problems are so expensive, and such a hassle when we depend on our cars for so much. I hope this sealant works for awhile! The work you do for your friends is awesome, you deserve a break! Good luck.
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