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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #12181
    Best Buddies Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    A male friend has offered to stay with them so they are going to stay there until the lease runs out at the end of August. They already have another apartment in a better neighborhood then. I'm not happy about this decision, but not much I can do about it. Our family all offered to pay for another place for a month, so I'm not sure why they chose this. sigh
    Count your blessings!

  2. #12182
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Is the male Superman? I think that's the only way I'd be happy!

  3. #12183
    addicted to reality AmyKay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    MsDiva2007 I can totally relate. I have let my sister 'borrow' money so many times I would have no idea how much she truly owes me. Its never large amounts of money, its usually 10 or 20 dollars here or there for gas or such. I know I have gotten myself into it, and I have every right to say no. My guilt bothers me since she is family. I try to remind myself its not my fault she has chosen a boyfriend that doesn't like to work and she needs to deal with that. What really gets my goat is this sister is SO blessed...she has many more friends that help her (not usually monetarily, but with giving her a bed they don't want for example), and she seems to win any contest she enters. I tell myself I am paying it forward, if she doesn't pay me back I will be paid back somehow elsewhere in my life. I know I have a tendency to help others more than I take care of myself, which is something I am trying to change.
    Funny thing is, when I dont have the means to help, its not a problem for me to say no.
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  4. #12184
    Best Buddies Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    AmyKay - I understand what you're saying. I love doing random acts of kindness now that I can afford to, but if someone "expects" me to do something for them it sets me on edge.
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  5. #12185
    FORT Fogey Photobabe's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by AmyKay View Post
    MsDiva2007 I can totally relate. I have let my sister 'borrow' money so many times I would have no idea how much she truly owes me. Its never large amounts of money, its usually 10 or 20 dollars here or there for gas or such. I know I have gotten myself into it, and I have every right to say no. My guilt bothers me since she is family. I try to remind myself its not my fault she has chosen a boyfriend that doesn't like to work and she needs to deal with that. What really gets my goat is this sister is SO blessed...she has many more friends that help her (not usually monetarily, but with giving her a bed they don't want for example), and she seems to win any contest she enters. I tell myself I am paying it forward, if she doesn't pay me back I will be paid back somehow elsewhere in my life. I know I have a tendency to help others more than I take care of myself, which is something I am trying to change.
    Funny thing is, when I dont have the means to help, its not a problem for me to say no.
    AmyKay, the next time she asks for money give it to her and give her more. If she asks for $25, give her $50 or $100. But, at the same time, tell her the loan office is now officially closed. And stick to it! At this point, you are no longer helping her. You are enabling her to be irresponsible. Tell her you love her but until she has paid back this loan in full, you will not "loan" her any more. Give her an IOU to sign so that she understands that you mean what you are saying. Then, no matter what, don't back down.
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  6. #12186
    addicted to reality AmyKay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Gutmutter, I think she IS starting to expect me to come thru everytime.

    Thanks Photobabe I will try that the next time!
    "Love is not a fight, but it's something worth fighting for"- Warren Barfield

  7. #12187
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I've always been a "saver". My mother told me, as a wee little person, that my sister could talk me out of my money very easily. That stuck with me. Another important conversation I remember having was with the leeching sister, in front of our grandmother. Apparently, we were off into it with her trying to get money from me; our grandmother, who had been sitting quietly, then said to me, "Don't you discuss your money with ANYBODY!" I heard that, and it immediately changed my life, from that point forward. My sister did not appreciate that, at all. I don't remember her asking for money since that day.

    Learned my lesson well. Fortunately, I am a quiet person when it comes to talking about my personal affairs. I have learned that keeping my business to myself can keep down a lot of usage attempts and chaos.
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  8. #12188
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    When I see a person who is struggling, working hard, showing motivation, and is appreciative, I will go above and beyond to help them. I'll do things that make life easier for them, just because I think they deserve it. IMO, it's the right thing to do, but when the person is lazy, self entitled and shows zero motivation and NO appreciation for anything, I have zero interests in helping them with anything. It's wrong to help people like that IMO, since it only reinforces their poor attitude. Besides, I could be helping the more deserving people.
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  9. #12189
    FORT Fogey Miss Scarlet's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I have no problem whatsoever telling someone no.
    First off, I tell everyone I'm broke, even though I'm not. White lie. That solves a lot of problems up front.

    Also I operate under the mantras of: Don't loan any one anything you aren't 100% willing to give away. & Don't cosign for anything you aren't 100% willing & able to pay back for them.
    If anyone falls into those categories, I still nag, nag, nag.
    "Is this Heaven? No, it's Iowa. --Field of Dreams--"

  10. #12190
    FORT Fogey MsDiva2007's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    See its not even asking anymore she calls and says I need a check for $ I will pay you back. No asking just telling me what she needs. I told her yesterday I am not a bank and I can not continue to give money out without receiving it back. I told her if she is having a short fall every month then she needs to make some adjustments,cut something out that is not needed.
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