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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #11951
    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    My thoughts are with you, CantGetNuf.
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  2. #11952
    80's Rule! karna68's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Called in to work yesterday then got a text from a co-worker saying that 2 people had been laid off including my boss who is the coolest my worry is now the manager will be in charge and he can be a real jerk sometimes, *sigh* pray for me.
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  3. #11953
    chavy chaf chaf Asteroids Champion, Bejeweled 2 Champion, GalaGalaGa Champion, Doyu Gems Champion, Alu`s Revenge Champion, Beat The Meter Champion, BejeweledŽ 2 Action Champion, Little Protectors Champion spockwhat's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by CantGetNuf View Post
    My kids and I are uncomfortable in comfortable situations. We aren't socially awkward but we feel like it on the inside. lol! So in uncomfortable situations we want to run. I've told my kids when you see someone you know has lost someone recently and you have to give condolences just use the KISS method and keep it simple. Just, "I was so sorry to hear about your father, brother..." And then stop. They direct the conversation from there. All you have to do from that point is nod appropriately. You don't have to say a thing to try and make them feel better because you can't. The minute you start trying to justify their loss or comparing it to someone else's, your going to say the wrong thing.
    But this experience has taught me that is better to say the wrong thing then nothing at all.
    I am the same way, as is one of my daughters. I find we kind of cling to my husband or other daughter during these situations and let them do the talking for us. I'm sorry and a meaningful hug (for as long as they want to hold on...) that's the best I can do.
    I also tend to try to work the background, working babysit during funerals or in the kitchen. Anything I can do to help but not have to speak. I agree about KISS... sometimes it's best to just say "I'm sorry" and let the person in mourning speak if they want. Or if they don't want.
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    chavy chaf chaf Asteroids Champion, Bejeweled 2 Champion, GalaGalaGa Champion, Doyu Gems Champion, Alu`s Revenge Champion, Beat The Meter Champion, BejeweledŽ 2 Action Champion, Little Protectors Champion spockwhat's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by karna68 View Post
    Called in to work yesterday then got a text from a co-worker saying that 2 people had been laid off including my boss who is the coolest my worry is now the manager will be in charge and he can be a real jerk sometimes, *sigh* pray for me.
    I'm sorry to hear this karna68. We spend so much time at work, it's important to have good people around us. I'll be praying your manager does not become your new boss!
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  5. #11955
    FORT Fogey Add It Up Champion famita's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    ...or that your manager becomes real human real fast!
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  6. #11956
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I guess because my job required that I deal with all kinds of people in all kinds of situations and take the lead, I am comfortable becoming active when there is a tragedy/chaos. I do know that it helps to be able to read people and situations and that less is better, taking your clues from the people who are most affected. I think you just help out where you can. People are needed on the forefront as well as in the background. I've also found out that it's important not to forget about the kids.
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  7. #11957
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Karna68, Sorry about the bad news from your workplace. Let's hope the problem people don't get worse. Do you have much contact with this manager?

  8. #11958
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Karma68, hope things work out in your workplace. Layoffs always put everyone on edge.

    ****

    Back to interacting with the bereaved....when my oldest son was in first grade, a boy in another class was hit and killed by a car. After the initial rounds of condolences to the mother, people didn't know what to say or do. People would actually cross the street or turn around when they saw her coming. I think no one knew what to say to her and people thought that seeing our kids would make her feel worse. But she couldn't feel worse than she already did, and what she really wanted was for people to remember Edward and not act as if he had never existed.

    I agree that KISS is enough, just a simple "I'm sorry for your loss" - and if you knew the deceased, sharing a good memory about them.

  9. #11959
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I guess I'm just used to things being quite different about showing respect when someone dies. It's always been a very normal thing for my family and friends. As soon as we find out, we normally call them and send a card. We also usually take food over to the family's home or give them money. It's sad when you walk in the door, but I just hug them and say I'm so sorry and stay for just a short while. Normally the family is crying and it's very difficult to see, but they seem to appreciate it.

    Years ago we sent flowers, but now, most people want and need the funds.

  10. #11960
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    A think a lot depends on your relationship with the person before their loss. Even though Sally is my friend and I do things with her and the other ladies in our group, I never call and chitchat with her or email her on a regular basis to talk about life in general. I haven't established that individual rapport with her.
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