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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #11921
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    CGN, I'm so sorry for your loss. As my 2nd was born a mother in the next room had just lost her baby. My husband and I cried for her while we held ours.

  2. #11922
    FORT Fanatic mushybrain's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    CantGetNuf - I am so sorry for your anguish. I hope you find some comfort knowing that your faceless friends here are thinking of you.

    I know it is early, and your pain is raw, but I hope you don't mind if I offer a suggestion. Very often, people who have experienced devastating loss have channeled their energy into good works that help them cope. Sometime down the road, when you are strong enough, it may be possible for you to bring some comfort to others out of this tragedy you have suffered.

    It would be a wonderful legacy to Michael if you could work to enact change in the hospital to get them to at least provide a private sanctuary for grieving families. Families who have lost a child should not have to endure the emotional cruelty of rooming with someone who is celebrating the birth of a healthy baby. That is just unspeakably insensitive and unkind. But only consider working towards something like this if it will not bring you additional pain.

    Also, there is an organization called NICU Helping Hands that has a program called Angel Gowns. In this program, volunteers take donated wedding gowns and sew beautiful little gowns to be used for final photos and burial services for babies who have died in a hospital. The gowns are provided free of charge to give comfort to families grieving the death of a baby. The Angel Gown Program accepts donations of wedding gowns and welcomes volunteer seamstresses.

    Angel Gown | NICU Helping Hands

    Allow yourself time to grieve. Take care of yourself. I wish you strength and peace.
    Punkin, CantGetNuf, Kip and 4 others like this.
    "Most of us go through life with blinders on. Knowing only that little station to which we were born. But you madam, have had the... rare privilege of escaping your bonds for just a spell. To see life from an entirely new perspective. How you choose to use that information is entirely up to you." -- Andrew to Joanna in Overboard

  3. #11923
    FORT Fogey nennie's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I am so sorry for your loss CantGetNuf. hugs
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    You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.

  4. #11924
    FORT Fogey KatesMom's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Punkin View Post
    Oh no, oh no, oh no! You can rest your crying for a bit, sweetheart, because I am crying for you now. I wish I could help take that hurting away, but it's going to be around for a long while. There are just no words at all that can help, but my heart is breaking for your family. I am so very sorry and sad for your enormous loss. Words from us who are not in your RL may ring hollow because we can't call you or hug you, but it is all we have to give. I am so, so sorry.
    You can add me to the list, CGN. I have sat here crying as I read the last two pages! I am so sorry for your family's loss. I can't even fathom the pain and heartbreak. You and your family are in my thoughts.
    Punkin and CantGetNuf like this.

  5. #11925
    FORT Fogey CantGetNuf's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Cootie your right when you say it is helping me by writing everything. There are things I can say here that I can't say to family and friends or put on my favorite form of communication, facebook. Like the experience of putting up with my dil's family.
    And I know this is a hard topic. That's why I'm thankful for the title of this thread. Everyone who's reading it came into this thread knowing it's probably going to be a downer conversation. And I thank you for coming in here anyways and offering me such lovely words.
    The anger has been there the whole time, right beside the grief. Today the anger is starting to take over. And the thing is, there's no one or thing I can direct that anger on. So I'm sitting here finding people to be mad at. And some of them are my good friends. Some that I've always thought would be there for me in times of trouble. I'm mad at them for not reaching out to me. I remember when a good friend of mine lost her son and she said it was shocking how many of her friends not only didn't reach out to her but avoided her because they were uncomfortable. I am shocked at some of my friends. And I never claim to know how people are doing financially. But I have family and friends that I just KNOW they can spare $20 and yet not a peep out of them. Then I tell myself I'm crazy to try and judge my friendships by monetary value but that's how I feel. I have never put aside my pride and asked for a thing in my life. The one time I do I can't believe the people who can't respond. People who I have given to their charities and listened to them talk about their sick grandkids, and they can't even spare a facebook message to just say, "Sorry for your loss."? Today is a good day to stay home so I don't beat up the random stranger who looks at me wrong. :wink

    And now that I've vented about the people who've let me down let me tell you about the people who've picked me up. My 19yr old daughter has a friend who is a single mother to a 11month old baby, she had admitted her father to hospice care earlier in the week, and she was down to her last 6 dollars. She donated 3 of them to us. How awesome is that? My daughter knew right then she had a friend for life. And that's what I'm talking about. It doesn't matter that it was only 3 dollars. It was her way of saying, "I'm here for you." I immediately refunded it to her and told her how much we appreciated it but we had people with money to help us. She just needed to give her love and that's what she did. It was beautiful.

    My dil was waiting for the portrait studio to show up and take pictures and asked the nurses when they would be there and the nurses told her they were still trying to contact a studio. A woman finally showed up and took the pictures. I haven't seen them yet but the way my dil described the poses they sound like they are very tastefully done. My dil said the woman was quietly weeping as she took the pictures and my dil said, "I'm sorry. I know this is hard." And the woman said, "I am honored to be able to do this for you." How sweet and exactly the perfect thing to say. And it was made even better when an unthinking aide revealed to my dil that the reason the woman was so late in arriving was because all of the portrait studios had refused to come. This woman was an employee of one of the studios and came on her own time to take them. I want to find out who she is and thank her personally. And then I want to flip the bird to all the other people who couldn't. Because God forbid it might be "hard" on them. (Sorry the anger is trying to take control again.)

    One of my geocaching friends, who I just adore, and his wife gave $500! I was floored! Totally blown away! When I was thinking of who would donate I knew they would. I just had no idea how generous they would be. I can't even describe how honored it made me feel. When I imagined all my friends giving I only expected 20 or 50 dollar donations. I never imagined someone would give like that. I almost feel guilty about it. My kids have agreed that that is a debt that will be repaid in friendship for generations.
    So as mad as I am at some of my friends overall my faith in humanity has been restored.

    Mushybrain- When I saw Michael after his portraits were made he was wearing a very pretty light blue dress with white frills. It looked handmade. Honestly I was in such a fog at the time I never questioned where it came from. I wonder if it was donated by an organization like you mentioned. I will find out and if it was then I will make a contribution to them when I can. It really is wonderful how people care.
    And about enacting change at the hospital, you can bet that i'll be working on that. Probably when I finish this post I'll head to their website and send them a letter about my experience and that when this is over and I can focus on it, i'll be contacting them again. It really was an uncomfortable situation for everyone. And at that hospital everyone knows labor and delivery is on the 4th floor. Twice in the elevator I had to tell well wishers that we'd lost our baby. And you know they just feel horrible, like they just stuck their foot in their mouth, when it absolutely not their fault. One poor older lady just looked so crushed. She went from smiling to a look of horror. And I could tell she was struggling to back track and give us the right words. I just smiled and said, "It's ok. Thank you." And got off the elevator before she started crying. I felt so bad for her I almost wished I'd just taken the congratulations.

    Well that is all for today. We'll see what will be on my mind tomorrow. Maybe it will be Rose of Sharon's. Pikachu I just happen to have a driveway lined with the hearty things. I've never done anything to them but clip them back when they start taking over the driveway. I would suggest you plant them away from walkways because they make a huge mess during the summer dropping blooms all over the place. But they sure are pretty. I know your friend would love to have it planted in her sisters memory.
    Thanks again every one of you beautiful people for listening to me ramble and for expressing such kind loving words. They really do mean a lot to me.
    Punkin, Kip and pikachu like this.
    "You better watch your mouth sunshine."-Daryl Dixon

  6. #11926
    Best Buddies Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I'm glad you're able to get it all out here.
    My mom has a lot of Rose of Sharon. I don't think you'll have any trouble finding it.
    CantGetNuf likes this.
    Count your blessings!

  7. #11927
    fortfan shyra's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    CGN I am sending you prayers and healing thoughts for you and your family. I can only imagine how hard this has been on everyone. I can't think of anything to say to you to make things better other then I am so very sorry.

    What you described at the hospital reminded me of the time I was in the hospital having a baby here in Canada, my friend's daughter was stillborn and I felt just awful for her. I finally asked the nurse if she could move her away from the maternity ward as it was just too much to bear for her. They did but they still have the same set up....both mothers who have their babies and mothers who lose theirs share the same floor. I think it is very very unkind to expect them to stay on a maternity floor after their loss. Hopefully the hospital will change things.

    I hope that someday you will feel peace and be able to smile at the pictures........

    I better stop now before I ramble on and just know that we are all thinking of you and are here for support.
    CantGetNuf likes this.

  8. #11928
    8/2/64 until forever! AZChristian's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Mushybrain, I'd never heard of that organization, but I must thank you from the bottom of my heart for providing that link. As we celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary this year, my wedding dress (hardly a gown, but a pretty white lace dress) and the dress I wore when we renewed our vows after 25 years are hanging in a closet. None of the girls in our family have wanted or needed either dress, but I just couldn't figure out what to do with them, and I didn't want them to go to waste.

    Now I know where they're going . . . they're going to Angel Gown . . . with special thoughts of CantGetNuf's grandson as I pack them up.

    I love FoRT, because it allows us to share burdens and to learn from each other.
    Punkin, CantGetNuf, Kip and 5 others like this.

  9. #11929
    FORT Fanatic mushybrain's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by AZChristian View Post
    Mushybrain, I'd never heard of that organization, but I must thank you from the bottom of my heart for providing that link. As we celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary this year, my wedding dress (hardly a gown, but a pretty white lace dress) and the dress I wore when we renewed our vows after 25 years are hanging in a closet. None of the girls in our family have wanted or needed either dress, but I just couldn't figure out what to do with them, and I didn't want them to go to waste.

    Now I know where they're going . . . they're going to Angel Gown . . . with special thoughts of CantGetNuf's grandson as I pack them up.

    I love FoRT, because it allows us to share burdens and to learn from each other.
    AZChristian - You brought me to tears. What a beautiful and compassionate gesture. Your kindness will bring comfort to some grieving families. Congratulations on your 50th wedding anniversary.
    CantGetNuf, Kip and AZChristian like this.
    "Most of us go through life with blinders on. Knowing only that little station to which we were born. But you madam, have had the... rare privilege of escaping your bonds for just a spell. To see life from an entirely new perspective. How you choose to use that information is entirely up to you." -- Andrew to Joanna in Overboard

  10. #11930
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    AZChristian, that's a lovely idea.
    AZChristian likes this.

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