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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #11891
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    KatesMom - thank you so much for posting. My mom is an alcoholic and was in the ICU for the same thing - low salt levels. I too, understand addiction side as well but it has caused my mom's dive into dementia.

    So big hug from someone who has gone through that and I am sending my strength to you!
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  2. #11892
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Kip View Post
    bachelorwatcher, that sounds like a real dud of a lawyer you talked to. Try going to the free advice clinic a couple more times. There's probably a different lawyer there each week, and maybe you'll find one who's more on the ball and who understands your situation better.

    I'm glad your sister hasn't bothered you for a few months, but I imagine you're still on edge waiting for it to happen again. It must be horrible to not be able to truly relax in your own home.

    Do you have a phone with video capability? If so, if your sister should appear again and cause a ruckus, I'd start video-ing it. At first, just pick up the noise from the other side of the door, then from behind a window, try to get an image of her walking away to her vehicle. End the video with a shot of a web site like CNN that shows a date and headline (as a secondary way to date the video should verifying the date is ever an issue).
    I plan on going back to the clinic. People are allowed to go there for advice once every two weeks. I don't have a phone with video capability. I saved the letters stating that she was going to knock on my door. I have about twenty of those letters. I didn't save all of the letters, but I did save enough of them.

  3. #11893
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by bachelorwatcher View Post
    I plan on going back to the clinic. People are allowed to go there for advice once every two weeks. I don't have a phone with video capability. I saved the letters stating that she was going to knock on my door. I have about twenty of those letters. I didn't save all of the letters, but I did save enough of them.
    That's good that you have the letters - and that's good that you can visit the legal clinic again.

    Do you have an answering machine? A lot of them have a record feature. If so, maybe you could record the ruckus. Ours is digital and about 15 years old and has a "memo" button where we can record a 3-min personal memo. It gets saved as a message. I guess to save it, we'd have to record it off the answering machine to something else. If you have an answering machine that uses tapes, you could just save the tape.

  4. #11894
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Kip View Post
    That's good that you have the letters - and that's good that you can visit the legal clinic again.

    Do you have an answering machine? A lot of them have a record feature. If so, maybe you could record the ruckus. Ours is digital and about 15 years old and has a "memo" button where we can record a 3-min personal memo. It gets saved as a message. I guess to save it, we'd have to record it off the answering machine to something else. If you have an answering machine that uses tapes, you could just save the tape.
    I looked up attorneys in the phone book's yellow pages. There are only a few family law attorneys. One had a ad that said that one could get a free consultation. I called the attorney and was given a phone appointment. She sounded friendly. When I told her what was going on, she asked my why the control freak/stalker was knocking on my door. I said that it was so that the stalker could try to control how I think and what I do. The attorney told me that restraining orders are granted when there are threats of violence and when there is property damage, such as broken windows. The attorney told me that it's not against the law for someone to repeatedly knock on someone's door... but, of course according to the restraining order form, disturbing the peace, (which I assume includes pounding on a front door), is listed as a form of abuse.

    Also, when I was in college I had a friend who was harassed... but I never heard threats of violence. My friend transferred to another college. Someone told me that the woman who had been harassing him drove to the college, broke into his apartment, and was put in jail. So, someone who "just" harasses can get violent.

    Also, the attorney suggested that I go back to the law library, and get information about community mediators.
    Last edited by bachelorwatcher; 04-11-2014 at 09:23 PM.

  5. #11895
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    bachelorwatcher, at least it sounds like this attorney really listened to you. Watching episodes of "Stalked" on ID Discovery, it's all too common for stalkers to never make threats - at least overt threats - and for it to be very difficult for the people being stalked to get law enforcement and the courts to take it seriously. But often the first act of violence is severe.

    I was just googling to see what it takes in general to get a restraining order and found that most states have Harrassment Restraining Orders as well as Orders for Protection. This link has a general description of them - Harassment Restraining Orders - Online Lawyer Source

  6. #11896
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Kip View Post
    bachelorwatcher, at least it sounds like this attorney really listened to you. Watching episodes of "Stalked" on ID Discovery, it's all too common for stalkers to never make threats - at least overt threats - and for it to be very difficult for the people being stalked to get law enforcement and the courts to take it seriously. But often the first act of violence is severe.

    I was just googling to see what it takes in general to get a restraining order and found that most states have Harrassment Restraining Orders as well as Orders for Protection. This link has a general description of them - Harassment Restraining Orders - Online Lawyer Source
    The attorney must have tried getting restraining orders against people who weren't overty "violent," but wasn't successful. Thank you for the link. I will look into this further.

  7. #11897
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I went back to the law library. Unfortunately, the lawyer was the same one that was there two weeks ago. He's retired. I think he was a malpractice lawyer. His questions were "hostile," as if I was on the witness stand for the opposite side. He tried to trivialize what I was talking about. He said my stalker just knocked twice. I said that she pounded on my door twice, and knocked maybe thirty or forty times. He asked me if I had any proof that she was the one knocking. I said that I had letters which stated that she was going to show up and knock.

    I watched a videotape about restraining orders. The most useful thing I got out of the videotape was that restraining orders are for people who fear bodily harm. I told the lawyer about some of the things my stalker has done in the past... and everything that she does is harmful/destructive. He kept on trying to convince me that what I was talking about wasn't so bad. I should have spent my time talking to some of the other people who were there to see the lawyer... instead of watching the videotape.

  8. #11898
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    If you have a domestic violence center, go in (do not call) and talk to someone. Explain your situation and they may be able to help you.
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  9. #11899
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    bachelorwatcher, I've read some of your previous posts about your situation but must have missed (or maybe you haven't given) the backstory to your relationship with your sister. I certainly understand the complexities of the sibling dynamics as I have a brother and sister, but nothing on the level you're experiencing. I've just never heard anyone refer to their own sibling as a stalker so my interest is piqued, although I do understand if the hows and whys are none of my business. But if you're willing to talk a little more in depth, I was just wondering how this relationship came to be what it is, like were the two of you ever close? Does she have mental issues that affect all her relationships? Are you the only one she bothers like this? Is there a big age gap? Do you think there's ever a chance the two of you could find resolution and have some sort of relationship? Again, if going into details is uncomfortable I get it. I hope you can find peace in this situation, I'm sure it's very stressful.
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  10. #11900
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieComic Fan View Post
    bachelorwatcher, I've read some of your previous posts about your situation but must have missed (or maybe you haven't given) the backstory to your relationship with your sister. I certainly understand the complexities of the sibling dynamics as I have a brother and sister, but nothing on the level you're experiencing. I've just never heard anyone refer to their own sibling as a stalker so my interest is piqued, although I do understand if the hows and whys are none of my business. But if you're willing to talk a little more in depth, I was just wondering how this relationship came to be what it is, like were the two of you ever close? Does she have mental issues that affect all her relationships? Are you the only one she bothers like this? Is there a big age gap? Do you think there's ever a chance the two of you could find resolution and have some sort of relationship? Again, if going into details is uncomfortable I get it. I hope you can find peace in this situation, I'm sure it's very stressful.
    My sister has always been controlling. She tries to control all relatives. I guess at one time we were "friends... " but, when she decided to go back to college, she abandoned me because I "talk too much." (At that time, she had let another sibling temporarily move in with her). Then, after she dropped out again, she sat in a chair a few feet outside my front door. She showed up again the next day and did the same thing. After about an hour I called the police. He showed up and told her to go away. (This was in the suburbs).

    A couple of years ago, the stalking started again. She must think if she knocks on my door often enough, I will eventually open the door, and that we can "visit." I no longer go to church, but she thinks she can get me to go to church with her. She left packages outside my front door, and has left messages on my front door. (I have a post office box, but she doesn't understand boundaries and privacy). I got some of the messages, but sometimes there are small torn pieces of paper taped to my front door. I assume that my neighbors, (I live in an apartment), removed the messages from my front door. I got a letter from her saying that she had sat in a chair outside where I live now, but I didn't know that she had done that because I don't live on the first floor.

    I think she's a narcissist.

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