Feelings are ever changing. I felt combinations of love and hate for my ex-husband. I guess I was afraid what he would do negative to my life. And now I have combinations of love and apathy for him. So letting go lets you give up the hate I guess. And he would probably say the same of his feelings for me.
Last edited by Lizard; 11-08-2013 at 08:25 AM.
You can do it!
Holding onto hatred or bitterness doesn't affect the person it's directed toward. But it eats away at the person feeling it or holding onto it.
During the very end of my marriage & through my divorce my ex-husband did a lot of cruel & hateful things. I hated him at first & wished him some pretty bad stuff. I never did anything, but my bad wishes were very strong. I wanted evil on him.
After it was all over & done, I came to terms with things. I realized I knew not only the bad in him, but the good as well, & the somewhere in between too. All the bad was a part of my past & not my present or future. I left it behind me.
As far as any remaining love of any type, it was dead & buried. Nothing left. But I still had a degree of caring & concern for the person I was married to for all those years & the father of my children. That doesn't go away.
I chose to leave the hatred behind. There's no reason for it now. He doesn't affect my life anymore, so why hang onto the negative. Letting go takes time & introspection. I actually prayed for God to please ignore all the evil wishes I had made.
I now wish him well & happiness, just NOT with me.
He, on the other hand, still hangs onto all the bitterness & spite he can. He's only hurting himself. It's his problem, not mine.
"Some of us learn from other people's mistakes and the rest of us have to be other people."
I feel sorry for my son for the father I chose for him. It just wasn't a very good choice. But, it is what it is.
"...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer
When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!
My daughter and I fell out. It was an awful time, and she blamed me for everything that was and is wrong with her life. I had to let all that go, it ended up *eating away at me* I sometimes look at her, and I see the softer side that was, now she is bitter and never happy
The tears I have shed, she has no clue.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person
Hey, things can go all sorts of ways. You're strong, and your son is lucky to have you for his mom (and dad as well). I admire you!
(…and am forever grateful for your compassion, support, and encouragement during this past year. )
"There's no crying in baseball!"
-- Tom Hanks, A League of Their Own
I was very jealous of my sister when I was growing up. I thought she was prettier than I was, more popular than I was, and my parents seemed to favoritize her. I was in my late teens/early 20's when I realized how much that jealousy was hurting me so I let it go. I tried to stopping comparing my life to hers and just find my own happiness.
Years later, my mom told me she and my dad focused more attention on my sister when we were younger because they were more concerned about her. She got in more trouble than I did and they felt I was mature enough to handle myself so they didn't need to guide me. They didn't realize I felt neglected because of that. It was good to hear from my mom that they didn't overlook me because my sister was their favorite child. She was the problem child!
Even though like you my ex was terrible, if it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have the fantastic son (minus his senior year and college attitude ), that I have. All the bad I have forgiven, cause he is worth every minute that I struggled through.