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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #11411
    FORT Aficionado echo226's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Kip View Post
    Monday night I drove up to check on my SIL because she wasn't answering her phone and found her dead in bed. She was only 61. She had a pacemaker and very possibly was abusing alcohol and/or prescription drugs, so this wasn't totally unexpected, but it's still a shock. There have been other times she hasn't answered her phone when I've been sure I'd find her unconscious on the floor or worse, and she was just sleeping because she'd stay up all night watching tv and sleep during the day. My brother died May 2012 and he was her whole world, so they're back together again. I feel a bit guilty though because normally I'm in touch with her at least once a week, but was busy last week helping my son and his wife with some remodeling and didn't call her. I know it likely wouldn't have made any difference to the outcome, but I sure wish life had a rewind button.
    . So sorryKip.

    How are YOU doing? Regardless of your expectations of possible/probable outcomes that must have been very hard on YOU and it continues to be stressful for you..

    You've recently lost your Brother and now your SIL , and in this unfortunate way. I don't want to say PTSD, but ...
    I am hoping there is a support network for you ... and someone you can talk to.

    Hugs.

    Take care of you.
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  2. #11412
    FORT Fogey Lizard's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I am sorry Kip.
    You can do it!

  3. #11413
    Kip
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Cootie View Post
    Kip, I am so sorry for the loss of your sister-in-law and for the way that you found out about her passing. Did she and your brother have any children? Despite your misgivings about not calling her last week, it looks like you were fairly attentive to her. I don't speak or write to my siblings as much as I should. Your post is a reminder to reach out to those that I feel close to. We just can't take that time for granted, can we?

    My thoughts are with you and your family.
    Thanks, Cootie. She was very much a sister to me.

    She and my brother have one adopted daughter - and that's very much another Talk About Your Troubles post in itself. The daughter - I'll call her Diane - she's 27 and has been with a no-good guy for about 8 years now. Thankfully, they haven't procreated. The boyfriend is about 32 and just got a part-time job a few months ago - it's the first time he's been working. He was a perpetual junior college student who still thinks he's going to become a pro baseball player.

    My brother & SIL felt like they were supporting the guy's whole family (who's on welfare) because every penny they gave the daughter seemed to end up with them. Right now, Diane is unemployed, owes on her rent, the electric, credit card, cable - her car's falling apart (the BF drives it all the time but doesn't contribute to its upkeep). My brother and SIL's estate all goes into a trust. Another brother will administer it. So if Diane wants money, she has to ask for it. The intention was that hopefully Diane will become responsible and self-sufficient before she comes into any money (the first at age 40, and the entire estate at age 50!). They were also worried that if Diane came into a lot of money now, the BF would marry her and either divorce her and end up with half, or Diane would end up dead and the BF have it all.

    The BF is very focused on money. When Diane's grandmothers died, the BF has her call to see what she's inheriting. In both cases, nothing was left to her. The BF tells her grandchildren always get something, call back and check, etc. My SIL actually told people that if she ended up dead, to look at her daughter and the BF. (I'm sure foul play wasn't involved in her death.)

    Oh, and I'm the only one in the family who has ever met the BF - and that was only because I accidentally ran into them at a restaurant once. He won't come to any family gatherings.

  4. #11414
    FORT Fanatic Photobabe's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Kip, I am so sorry. It sounds as if she never learned to live without her husband. At least she died at home, in her own bed. Don't beat up on yourself for not calling as often as usual. Remember, phones work both ways. She could have reached out to you, but she didn't. My guess is, she no longer felt life worth living. So sad. 61 is pretty young to give up on life.
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  5. #11415
    I won't forget Cootie's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Kip View Post
    Thanks, Cootie. She was very much a sister to me.

    She and my brother have one adopted daughter - and that's very much another Talk About Your Troubles post in itself. The daughter - I'll call her Diane - she's 27 and has been with a no-good guy for about 8 years now. Thankfully, they haven't procreated. The boyfriend is about 32 and just got a part-time job a few months ago - it's the first time he's been working. He was a perpetual junior college student who still thinks he's going to become a pro baseball player.

    My brother & SIL felt like they were supporting the guy's whole family (who's on welfare) because every penny they gave the daughter seemed to end up with them. Right now, Diane is unemployed, owes on her rent, the electric, credit card, cable - her car's falling apart (the BF drives it all the time but doesn't contribute to its upkeep). My brother and SIL's estate all goes into a trust. Another brother will administer it. So if Diane wants money, she has to ask for it. The intention was that hopefully Diane will become responsible and self-sufficient before she comes into any money (the first at age 40, and the entire estate at age 50!). They were also worried that if Diane came into a lot of money now, the BF would marry her and either divorce her and end up with half, or Diane would end up dead and the BF have it all.

    The BF is very focused on money. When Diane's grandmothers died, the BF has her call to see what she's inheriting. In both cases, nothing was left to her. The BF tells her grandchildren always get something, call back and check, etc. My SIL actually told people that if she ended up dead, to look at her daughter and the BF. (I'm sure foul play wasn't involved in her death.)

    Oh, and I'm the only one in the family who has ever met the BF - and that was only because I accidentally ran into them at a restaurant once. He won't come to any family gatherings.
    Wow, so sad and complicated. It seems like her estate will be handled in the best way possible. Hopefully your niece will see the light and end that relationship that comes with so much baggage.

    I hope your thoughts can turn to you SIL and the close relationship that you had over the years so that you can celebrate having known her.

  6. #11416
    Woodsprite Air Blobs Easy Champion inthegarden's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Wow Kip, what a difficult experience for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope your SIL has found peace. She was lucky to have had you in her life. I'm sure you were a comfort to each other after your brother's death.
    I'm hoping that all will go well for your niece. Thankfully, she has a family that will look out for her.

  7. #11417
    9/11/2001 NEVER FORGET. Ten Pin Bowling Champion, Bookworm Champion Eastcoastmom's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I'm so sorry Kip, for your loss. I hope things improve with your niece and she sees the light sometime soon. Please don't feel another ounce of guilt for not calling sooner. You sound like you were a very attentive sister-in-law.

  8. #11418
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Kip, I am so sorry to read this.
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  9. #11419
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    My heart goes out to you and your family, Kip. I hope your niece sees the light someday with her boyfriend.
    Count your blessings!

  10. #11420
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Condolences, Kip. This must have been very difficult for you.

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