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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #11371
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    When it was time for my divorce, I paid a visit to an attorney friend who was a municipal attorney, told him what I was about to do and asked him for a suggestion/name. He asked me if I wanted a high-priced attorney/a mid-priced attorney/or a low-priced attorney; I decided on a mid-ranged man, and he proceeded to flip through his rolodex. I got a fantastic, very experienced, brilliant lawyer who billed me, as we went along.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

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  2. #11372
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I should have asked for a supervisor after I talked to the desk officer/report taker/receptionist/whatever she was. I live next door to a church. My stalker lived 20 miles away, but attended the church next door to where I live. (There's a church in her city she could have attended, and at least ten churches she could have attended where I live). The stalker sent me letters describing her car, and that I should leave a note on her car when she was in church. That desk officer thought it was normal for someone to travel 20 miles to attend church every Sunday. That desk officer couldn't grasp the concept of stalking.

  3. #11373
    FORT Fogey Miss Scarlet's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Just remember, Bachelorwatcher, that a Restraining Order doesn't really "restrain" the recipient. All it is is a statement that they can't contact/approach/come anywhere near the person taking out the order. It doesn't stop them.
    They have to break the order, & even then you have to notify the courts to press charges & penalize them. Usually nothing happens unless it's more than once, sometimes frequent, & even then there needs to be proof that the order has been broken. Usually the first time they are just given a talking to, if that.
    They are not the safety net people seem to think they are. Police are not constantly patrolling your block specifically looking for this person. It's not like hiring a constant security patrol.

    I had one against my ex, during the divorce proceedings. He shouldn't have been anywhere near the house, but he was constantly "visiting" neighbors, as close as next door, with his car deliberately parked right in full view, as close as possible to the property line, always when he knew I'd be home. He was pushing the limit to see just how far he could push it. I didn't want to make things any worse than they already were, so I didn't push it. My attorney asked if he was doing anything else other than just being there, answer was no. The attorney didn't want to push the issue either.

    Nothing else ever came of these "neighbor visits". No contact or coming onto the property or anything else, but it made me a nervous wreck, just waiting for trouble. Exactly what he wanted.

    But no one at all ever made any attempt to check or enforce the Order. I would have had to initiated this, after the fact, & only with proof.
    Last edited by Miss Scarlet; 07-29-2013 at 05:03 PM.
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  4. #11374
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Thank you for telling your story, Miss Scarlet. When I lived in the previous city, and the police showed up and told my sister to go away, that quickly and effortlessly stopped the stalking. I was hoping the police would help where I live now to stop the stalking. I think if I had filled out a restraining order soon after the stalking started where I live now, it would have been enough to stop the stalking. But, filling out a restraining order, collecting evidence, and showing up in court is not quick or effortless. A restraining order, (or a policeman), is a means of "scaring" the stalker: telling them to stay away. You said that your ex showed up next door, but he never knocked on your front door after he got the order, so the piece of paper did keep him away. If your ex had knocked on your front door, and if you had called the police, do you think the police would have shown up? (I don't think that being dragged into court again would scare a stalker... but, the thought of dealing with the police likely would). Did you show up in court, (and confront your ex), for the proceedings to take out the restraining order?

  5. #11375
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Remember, folks, that the "rules" for getting a restraining order differ from state to state, so you can't always assume what works for someone else will work for you.

    Good luck with both the divorce and the stalker, y'all.
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  6. #11376
    FORT Fogey Miss Scarlet's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by bachelorwatcher View Post
    Did you show up in court, (and confront your ex), for the proceedings to take out the restraining order?
    No. The lawyer filed for it when I filed divorce papers. When he was served with divorce papers by a police officer & had to vacate the house, he was given the restraining order. I wasn't there at the time. I never had to show up in court for it or serve him with any documents myself. Thank God.

    You're right about the thought of dealing with the police being the deterrent. It worked. Image is everything for that man.
    Unfortunately, many people who get restraining orders against them just don't care. The law means little to them, except for something to try to get around.

    In your case, since the police seem to have an "ignore it & it will go away" attitude, I'd show up & sign whatever documents they give you. Then if she shows up again, do it again, and again & again. Keep a log of dates, times & what was done or said & bring it every time.
    Often, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, so squeak away & often.
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  7. #11377
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    You're very fortunate that you didn't have to appear in court yourself to get the restraining order. Also, I read that restraining orders can be served by anyone except by the person who is trying to get the order. Also, I don't know if the problem was the desk officer that I talked to, or the police department itself. I don't know if it's official policy for stalking to be low priority.

  8. #11378
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    The only way you are going to find out is if you go there and talk to a person who can give you real answers. That desk woman's (officer's) supervisor would be a good start. Is there not a domestic violence unit where you are? They tend to take their jobs pretty seriously. You've got to get over your self-imposed impotence. You keep asking until you get answers that really tell you something.
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    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  9. #11379
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    My stalker sent letters about attending the church next door to where I live for several weeks. It has since stopped. I wrote about it to show how the police weren't helpful.

  10. #11380
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    So...I work at a grocery store and when I went into work today I was dumbfounded when I was clocking in there was an obituary posted and i happened to glance at it and found out that one of our regular customers had passed away. She and I had an amazing bond and I'm just really broken hearted...she was only 51 years old and I had just seen her in the store less then a week ago probably 3 days at that. My heart is torn and just feel pain for her and her family and those who knew her. She was an amazing woman inside and out and always knew how to make you smile..she will be forever remembered and missed by me

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