I would like to respond to this in a PM, if that's ok with you, Johnny? Sufficed to say, what you have described is something I have done myself in the past, when I was in the throes of my depression (and my addiction, for what it's worth).I don't think I did. But I just felt like they were the ones I wanted to put my full dependance upon for a couple reasons. They already knew what I was going through in the past, and I've been developing feelings for them so that also plays into it, I guess.
We did have fun, lighter conversations in the past. We even saw eachother sometimes and did things. I've gotten to know a bit about her life and her past as well. When I feel as bad as I have the last two weeks though, I can't really help talking about what's bothering me.
She isn't the only one to have shown annoyance, though. There have been others. I know i need to stop, and I need to learn to control my emotions. It's not like I have no idea what I'm doing wrong and think everything's happening for no reason.
A couple times our convos ended badly, which would make me feel worse. and I'd leave messages like "How am I supposed to feel now?" and "You don't care about me so don't pretend you do." and even "You'll never see me again. Be happy."
What I want now is to see her in real life and try to talk things over for a few minutes or so, and make sure everything is okay between us. I couldn't sleep last night because it was bothering me too much and I just want to get it over with. But I have no idea when I will see her next.
I want to say "I just want to make sure we're okay." "You know why I took you off, right? I thought it would benefit both of us. You wouldn't have to constantly put up with me like that anymore and I wouldn't have to be even more upset."
Some of what she did say to me did hurt (but I'm sure some of what I did, did too), and I don't know whether I should say that to her or not? She'd say things like "I have no patience for this. This is so frustrating. It's always the same thing." It really doesn't ever feel good.
I also want to say "I hope you can forgive me and I'd love to still be friends". I think there was more but I can't think of it right now.
I'll respond to the rest of the post later, but I have to go.