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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #11021
    FORT Fogey KatesMom's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by JohnnyK View Post
    I don't think I did. But I just felt like they were the ones I wanted to put my full dependance upon for a couple reasons. They already knew what I was going through in the past, and I've been developing feelings for them so that also plays into it, I guess.



    We did have fun, lighter conversations in the past. We even saw eachother sometimes and did things. I've gotten to know a bit about her life and her past as well. When I feel as bad as I have the last two weeks though, I can't really help talking about what's bothering me.

    She isn't the only one to have shown annoyance, though. There have been others. I know i need to stop, and I need to learn to control my emotions. It's not like I have no idea what I'm doing wrong and think everything's happening for no reason.

    A couple times our convos ended badly, which would make me feel worse. and I'd leave messages like "How am I supposed to feel now?" and "You don't care about me so don't pretend you do." and even "You'll never see me again. Be happy."

    What I want now is to see her in real life and try to talk things over for a few minutes or so, and make sure everything is okay between us. I couldn't sleep last night because it was bothering me too much and I just want to get it over with. But I have no idea when I will see her next.

    I want to say "I just want to make sure we're okay." "You know why I took you off, right? I thought it would benefit both of us. You wouldn't have to constantly put up with me like that anymore and I wouldn't have to be even more upset."

    Some of what she did say to me did hurt (but I'm sure some of what I did, did too), and I don't know whether I should say that to her or not? She'd say things like "I have no patience for this. This is so frustrating. It's always the same thing." It really doesn't ever feel good.

    I also want to say "I hope you can forgive me and I'd love to still be friends". I think there was more but I can't think of it right now.

    I'll respond to the rest of the post later, but I have to go.
    I would like to respond to this in a PM, if that's ok with you, Johnny? Sufficed to say, what you have described is something I have done myself in the past, when I was in the throes of my depression (and my addiction, for what it's worth).

  2. #11022
    Mr. (Not so) Perfect Snake 3D Champion, Bouncing Balls Champion
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Yes that's ok.

    We can talk about it there.

  3. #11023
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    A lot of times people have communication problems Johnny. You might believe that she does not care about you for reason "a" and she might think you do not care about her reason "b."

    The only thing I could suggest is that maybe you could avoid accusing her of not caring and any negative attention seeking behavior. Doing either could push her in the wrong direction. Maybe just focus conversations on positive stuff.

    Time is a healer Johnny.
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    You can do it!

  4. #11024
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Johnny--I think I'd start with "I hope you can forgive me and I'd love to still be friends". Leave the rest for another time... it still comes across to me at least as you blaming her. You need to reestablish your friendship before she will listen.

  5. #11025
    Mr. (Not so) Perfect Snake 3D Champion, Bouncing Balls Champion
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I'm not trying to blame her.

  6. #11026
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Last year I came across a man that obsessed over the color pink. To the point that he did not have a driver's license, because he might be not be able to focus properly on driving if he happened to see the color. I had never seen anything like that in all my life. The man could answer most all questions. He was not gay; and not trying to be feminine. He talked about one day having a wife. But the only thing he really wanted to do was collect pink things, look at pink things and talk about pink things.

    I felt bad for him. I would say to him that some people like to watch t.v. or eat nice food, and that a lot of people did not care a thing about pink. He would twist his face up. He totally did not believe me. Months later I talked to his father who shook his head. He is used to everybody believing that his son could be reasoned with. There is no reasoning with obsession he said.....On a positive note, I do not believe the man suffered any anxiety or felt bad because of his obsession. But his parents worried about him because he was not processing things the way others do (predators and such out there).

    There is some obsession involved in romantic relationships. That is why our friends never take the wise advice we offer; and why you probably will not take our advice. But you listen.

    We are giving people power over us in romantic relationships that we would not give the ordinary person. If it was a casual friend, you would know that that friend is dealing with their own traumas and you would give them space. In romantic relationships, you must give other people space. You must accept that it is going to be whatever it is going to be. You are never going to be proud of using controlling language or doing controlling things. If the other person is not nice, then he or she not a nice person and it did not have anything to do with you. The last thing people want to be around is a demanding person, or one that makes them feel bad unless they are trying to recreate some injury.

    Apologies and recognition of feelings are always appreciated. I think you should do that if you have not done that. Then just leave her alone....It is beautiful to watch the affects of simple kindness.
    Last edited by Lizard; 03-21-2013 at 05:51 AM.
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  7. #11027
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    The pink-obsessed man sounds like a perfect candidate for the show My Strange Addiction. Poor parents....nobody wants to see their child that debilitated. I'm sure they worry about what will happen to him when they are no longer around. At least the dad understands that it's pointless to try to reason with the unreasonable. Many people just don't get that. There are people who get paid to deal with that kind of chaos; laypeople, it is definitely above your pay grade. Parents are mired down like in those Forrest Gump boxes of chocolate. You never know what your going to get.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  8. #11028
    Go Teams! inthegarden's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by prhoshay View Post
    The pink-obsessed man sounds like a perfect candidate for the show My Strange Addiction. Poor parents....nobody wants to see their child that debilitated. I'm sure they worry about what will happen to him when they are no longer around. At least the dad understands that it's pointless to try to reason with the unreasonable. Many people just don't get that. There are people who get paid to deal with that kind of chaos; laypeople, it is definitely above your pay grade. Parents are mired down like in those Forrest Gump boxes of chocolate. You never know what your going to get.
    What do you do in this case? If they won't seek help and don't listen to your advice, what do you do?

  9. #11029
    8/2/64 until forever! AZChristian's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by inthegarden View Post
    What do you do in this case? If they won't seek help and don't listen to your advice, what do you do?
    As hard as it is, sometimes you just have to let it go.
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  10. #11030
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    As is said, "Let go, let God."
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

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