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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #10971
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I've never found surprises to, usually, turn out well. I'll pass, thank you! I think you really set yourself up. (Not YOU, personally, Gut; Anybody) I know we all have our own feelings about surprises.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  2. #10972
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I never really thought about surprises too much until my friends threw me a surprise birthday party one year. They did a great job, because I was totally surprised. It was very nice of them, but for some reason I felt quite discombobulated, if that makes any sense. I'm not sure why I reacted that way. I appreciated it, but would have enjoyed it more if it had not been a surprise.

    Does anyone have any tips on how to handle a person who is very sharp tongued and sarcastic at the drop of the hat? She is extended family and I've been trying to help her out after an injury. I'm polite and kind and have never said anything mean or untoward to her, but she regularly blows a gasket over the slighest thing. If I make a comment about the news she will throw her paper down and yell at me, saying I interrupted her reading the tv guide. If I ask her if she had a nice day she will scream that her tv didn't work right for her. When I tell her her behavior is unacceptable and I won't tolerate being talked to that way, she says she's sorry and that she loves me and wants me there, but then the next day, she will do it again. She was spoiled as a child and never taught that behavior was unacceptable. Her parents tolerated it.

    I'm about done with her. She has no one else to help her, with mail, paper, groceries, etc. She also yells at her cat for little if no reason. I've asked her to stop that too.

    Any suggestions?

  3. #10973
    FoRTer coltnlasma's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    There's advice that is given to those close to addicts, about coming to terms with how someone is (rather than how you hope or wish that someone would be), and then deciding for yourself how much you are willing to endure by choosing to continue to open up your life and heart to that person. To a certain degree, I use that approach with anyone who is consistantly hurtful or unpleasant... if you feel it's tolerable but not dangerous to keep them in your life, then just know that is how they are, and expect that behavior if and when you are around them. I've been known to spend too much time trying to help someone "change for the better" when they never asked for my advice or help to begin with (not saying you are trying to change your relative, but just giving some background for why I take this approach ). Hope you find a solution that leaves you able to help without being treated so badly.
    Debb70 likes this.
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  4. #10974
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Coltnlasma, that is great advice! Just to accept it or walk away for good. She has had lots of people in her life walk out. I suspect due to her behavior. She's a user, not a giver and never seems appreciative. It's going to get her in the end. Her behavior will not be kindly accepted at a senior home. They will probably drug her. She's only 60, but has health issues that will make it difficult for her to live on her on for long.

    I'll have to do some soul searching. It's too bad her parents didn't have the forsight to see that their indulgence of her tempter outbursts and entitled attitude would harm in life.

  5. #10975
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Debb70, I was almost thinking you were talking about me,....just for an eensy little minute! Naw, but I agree that you need to know what your limit is .....and stick to it, for your sake!

    I thought I would have an answer today, but it was just a meet and greet with the new cardiologist. They will have to set up a stress test, afterwhich I will finally get my date for the operation. Hopefully it will be soon, since I want it over with!! I was pretty peeved for the waste of time away from work and not having my stress test, but perhaps that IS part of a stress test!

  6. #10976
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Debb, take the cat and go home! Her problems are not YOUR problems unless you allow them to be. Don't accept doormat treatment.
    just1paul and AZChristian like this.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  7. #10977
    8/2/64 until forever! AZChristian's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Debb, I think I'd remind her that you have talked to her in the past about her behavior. Tell her that if it happens one more time, you will leave and you will not return. Then do it. Dr. Phil often says, "We teach people how to treat us." If she has no one else who will voluntarily help her, she'll have to pay someone. And they probably wouldn't put up with it, either.

    Good luck!
    Lizard likes this.

  8. #10978
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Good advice here. She doesn't have enough money to pay someone to help her. She is on disability, though I think in less pain than me on most days. lol

    I have told her about how she says she's sorry but continues doing it. I tell her I want action, not promises. But then she keeps doing it.

    I honestly wonder if she can stop herself. The thing that makes me think she CAN stop is that she doesn't act that way with other people, like bank teller, repairman, doctor, therapists, etc. She doesn't even do it with an elderly cousin she has.

    She still talks to one old friend, who does not help her out and I understand why, and she told me that she always talks about me with affection and seems to worship me. Odd, since she treats me like crap.

    A couple of times when she went off, I mimicked her behavior, right back at her. Just to show her how ridiculous it was. I pointed it out and said that's how you act. Apparently, it didn't make an impression. lol

    Famita, thanks for your input and good luck with your tests!

  9. #10979
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Sounds like she only does this with people she knows she can get away with using this kind of behaavior with......and YOU are one of them.....her parents were a couple of others, as you have said.

    People only do as much as they are allowed to do. YOU are partially responsible for this behavior you are experiencing.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  10. #10980
    Live-Love-Laugh Fanny Mare's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    When people show you who they are, let them Debb.She is showing you who she is- with you, not good in my humble opinion..
    The average dog is a nicer person than the average person
    -Andy Rooney-

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