Talk about your troubles

[Eastcoastmom]

Buglover, I am in awe of you. Your letter to Victor is so beautiful and heartfelt and brought me to tears.

"What is dying? I am standing on the seashore. A ship sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean. She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her till at last she fades on the horizon, and someone at my side says, "She is gone." Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all; she is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when I saw her, and just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination.

The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her; and just at the moment when someone at my side says, "She is gone," there are others who are watching her coming,and other voices take up the glad shout, "There she comes!"--and that is dying. "

~ Bishop Brent

[Lizard]

Beautiful words Buglover. I am so sorry for what you and your son are going through. All there really is is love. And you have that.

[Ellen]

Buglover and Gutmutter, please know my thoughts are with you and your families.
Sending love and hugs.

[Gutmutter]

Bug - my heart is with you always.
Last night was difficult for me. I dozed off during the news and woke up to the phone ringing at the other end of the house - the one that isn't a remote that I keep for power outages. The house was pitch black. It was my son in CA who recently lost his job, but was picked up by their rival company the next day. His apartment lease is up on Weds. and he can't find another apartment because his credit is bad from post economy collapse/college loans. He's also dealing with his dad's impending health decline from across the country. When he lived nearby, I could visit and comfort him. I felt like I wasn't much help on the phone other than giving him "worst case" scenarios for the apartment - put stuff in storage, live in a hotel while you sort it out, etc. He's been so good about paying off his loans now that he has a good job, being responsible in the past year and a half with rent, bills, etc. but you can't repair bad credit overnight. But I was distracted the whole call by my power outage. After I hung up, I fumbled around looking for a flashlight, determined the whole neighborhood was out, started hearing sirens. I tried to go back to sleep, but I was really wound up and my mind started playing "what if..." as far as emergency castatrophe stuff. Stupid, I know, but I was as nervous as a skinned cat. The power finally came back on late so I came here for a while, watched a little tv and eventually went back to sleep, but I worry for the amount of stress my son is going through. My girls are fine and he will be, too. Breathe in, breathe out. Thanks for letting me vent.

[buglover]

Gut you are a wonderful mother. Just hearing your voice and being able to vent about his stress is making him feel better. You are also under a lot of stress with this whole situation so give yourself a break and don't think that anything is stupid. I know how hard it is to be the "strong" one in the family during these times. I'm a PM away either here or on face book. Don't hesitate to vent about how you feel. Lord knows you've been here for me!

[Cootie]

My reaction to feelings of sadness and helplessness is to clean my house - it is getting a scrubbing that it hasn't experienced in years today. I am thinking of Victor and Bug every minute.

Gut, your son knows you care - I hope things fall in place for him soon and that you get to talk to him in daylight next time - that should help.

[buglover]

Come on over Cootie! I'm willing to bet if you saw my bedroom you may change your mind about cleaning forever! For 2 years I haven't even bothered to put my clothes away. I just live out of the hamper. There are stacks and stacks of medical bills all over the tops of dressers, entertainment center and I have a graveyard of cups on my vanity. When I get ready for bed, I just put the cup on the counter so I won't knock it over accidentally in my sleep........and there they sit until there are no more cups in the kitchen then I take some down and wash them. I've been a lazy beast for 2 years!

[Cootie]

Come on over Cootie! I'm willing to bet if you saw my bedroom you may change your mind about cleaning forever! For 2 years I haven't even bothered to put my clothes away. I just live out of the hamper. There are stacks and stacks of medical bills all over the tops of dressers, entertainment center and I have a graveyard of cups on my vanity. When I get ready for bed, I just put the cup on the counter so I won't knock it over accidentally in my sleep........and there they sit until there are no more cups in the kitchen then I take some down and wash them. I've been a lazy beast for 2 years!

I would gladly help you reorganize your house...that would be something I could do for you! I think it is often easier to clean up someone else's stuff. I have disarray surrounding me, too. I used to be such a neatnik, but am guilty of trying to do to many things and also feeling depressed over my job situation and the state of this crazy world. I went on a trip last week and I just dumped my clothes on a bench. Time to put them away. My kitchen counter is presently covered by containers - I couldn't put anything away in a cupboard and found about 20 tubs and 20 empty jars sitting in there for no real reason...so my strategy today is to clear out the refrigerator and cupboards, then I can put things away. I could go on and on about what needs to be cleaned up here, but then I would think this post might need to be moved to the Hoarders thread.

You need to take care of your family - don't worry about the mess. It will be there when you are ready to get your own cleaning therapy. In the meantime, I am symbolically cleaning your house along with mine. I have a long ways to go...

[prhoshay]

Gut, sounds like you let those whackjob survivalists get into your head. I hate that for you.

[Gutmutter]

I knew while I was thinking it that it was stupid, but the whole waking up, phone call, power outage... I don't know. I was talking with a neighbor today to see if he knew why the power went out and he said he got in his car and drove around to see how much of the town was affected. I thought to myself, "D'oh! - I could have gotten in the car and taken control." It really wasn't that late. It never even occurred to me.