I'm so relieved that you do have a counselor and some others to talk to, JohnnyK. Please do be as open as you possibly can with them, so that they can know the pain you are in and can help. If you put on a brave face no one can help, and the professionals you talk to, at the least, can help you find the help you need. Do focus on those people you mention that you have left if you can, at least as much as the losses. And as always FORT people want to help with whatever you can share.