Talk about your troubles

[Gutmutter]

So sorry for your family's loss and the misbehaviour of the in-laws that makes it more difficult. Shame on them!
I went to a memorial service yesterday for a friend who died from breast cancer. She had it a year or two after me and we both recovered, but hers came back this summer all through her body and she failed quickly. They have 3 grown children who were all involved in a sport I coached when they were younger. The youngest babysat for my kids and we've kept in touch through e-mail. I went to the calling hours Friday and the memorial service yesterday. The slide show of her life and testimonials from friends and family were just incredible. She was a person who put everyone else first, loved family events, helped people in need, married to her high school sweetheart for over 40 years, etc. It really makes me step back and put things in perspective.

[Poppy Fields]

Readng about what is going on in your brother's home has taken me back in time to my father's death. As was the custom in our families, the house was suddenly full to the rafters with relatives making themselves "useful". They didn't camp in our home, but they filled every corner of it doing things like cooking, cleaning, sorting out mail, making phone calls, regimenting us. The kitchen was full of relatives and well meaning neighbors all day long and into the night. There was absolutely no privacy. I resented it horribly at the time, and hated the sights an sounds of them. It felt like an invasion.

But it did serve a purpose. When death takes a family member, all semblance of normal routine disappears. We wander about, bumping into each other, weeping and frequently incapable of holding a conversation of any length. I clearly remember wanting to lock myself in my room away from all the ruckus and confusion my abrasive relatives were creating. There are so many painful things to be done and every step you take toward finalizing your good-byes brings another wave of grief and disbelief. Being marshaled by relatives who seem to be taking charge allows a certain numbness to set in, a numbness that is both horrible and comforting. They completely took over, and the only decision they allowed my mother to make was what shirt my dad would be buried in.

All of this madness ceases once the funeral is over, and you are left alone with each other to painfully piece together what the new routines will be without your loved one's presence, support, and love. Quiet sets in, and those same people actually avoid you.

I guess this is by way of saying how much I empathize with you as you try to help your brother begin to cope, and to let you know that this dreadful experience isn't uncommon - and, best of all, it's temporary.

God bless you and yours, KeepItReal. Vent away when you need to! We are all here for you.

[nennie]

I am so sorry for your loss KeepItReal. I do not understand the vulture mentality in families when a loved one dies. I truly can say that when my mom passed earlier in the year that we didn't have to deal with this. I was appointed to go to the funeral home and start the process before she passed as I was the one who took care of her finances and then when the time came we all but the renegade brother went to the funeral home and each of us told what we wanted and it went very smoothly. We even let a sister-in-law help us that had been distant for many years with the family and now she has rejoined us as a part of us.

This is how I personally feel about these issues. Your brother was her husband and as that he is the one who should be making the decisions along with her children. If her parents can remain calm and non antagonistic then he can include them but it isn't anyones decision but his. The only thing he needs from the others is their support and if it can't be given then leave. This man is grieving and it is his right to grieve the best way he can. Lastly thy need to stay out of private things in his house as it isn't theirs.

[Cootie]

My thoughts are with you KeepItReal, I hope that your SIL's family will get out of the way soon and not continue to interfere. Also, that her sister will be able to stay in the picture with her child.

[inthegarden]

KeepItReal, All people respond to grief in different ways. It seems as though you find out the true nature of a person during those times.
I'm so sorry for your family's loss.
You all are in my thoughts and prayers.

[prhoshay]

I like the placing of the lock on the bedroom door. It was a smart thing to do. When your house is overrun with lots of "strange" people, things tend to disappear, unfortunately, and be meddled with.

What a horrible time. Everybody ought to be trying to make things easier instead of stirring up chaos and drama, and making it about them.

[Lizard]

I had a kind of reading OCD thing going on on cancer topics. The one thing I like to mention is Gonzalez Therapy. It is the theory that pancreatic enzymes kill cancer. If you have cancer, there is a lack of pancreatic enzymes. Dr. Gonzalez gave pancreatic cancer patients digestive enzymes. Many many survived. Hypocrites Institute (where they juice) have people chew down a horse load of digestive enzymes. They do not say why. Well 1+1 and all that. I just like to mention for those who do not feel they can alter their diet so much.

I am sorry for your loss. I know your loved one would only tell you how much they live you and want to see you lead a good life.

[Cootie]

I have a small problem, but am hurting - my sinuses are inflamed in my cheekbone area and have affected the nerves on a tooth. My cheek is red and swollen. Yikes. Ahh, the weekend. I am hoping it is going to go away by tomorrow or I will be looking for a medical clinic to give me some relief. In the meantime, I plan to ice it.

[Gutmutter]

Are you able to take aspirin for the pain and inflamation?

[Cootie]

Yes, I am taking Naproxen and it has been helping. I think the worst is over or at least I am hoping so. Yesterday was rough.