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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #10191
    FORT Fogey PGM35's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Not sure if this is a good idea or not but do you have a good relationship with his girlfriend? Seems like she is not helping and maybe doesn't realize the severity of the situation. Could you enlist her as your partner as opposed to your adversary? She "helped" with the ruse of his staying over.

  2. #10192
    Miz Smarty Britches queenb's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Bug, Since you are the one paying for everything, that does make it different when it costs you out of pocket. Why not try what my parents did a time or two? Just casually ask, "how was the (whoever) concert"? And when he starts to sputter, say "You were seen there by someone!" which is not a lie. When he asks who, just say "I can't tell you, I am not going to..." again, not a lie. And if the girlfriend needs someone to babysit her again, just let her come to your house.
    If it's really killing your budget for him to keep getting sick, just tell him that, and leave how worried you are and all out of it. And if he continues to lie and so forth, treat him the way he's acting; take his laptop for a week, or change your access codes and kick his machine off for a week to see if he can understand you any better. You may 'have' to let him live in your house, but you don't have to supply him with money, internet access or anything else if he just can't find a way to cooperate with you.

    I hate that Victor has cancer, but I also hate that he's not giving you any respect .
    I have found the Truth and it doesn't make sense.

  3. #10193
    FORT Friend Baby's Breath's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    The stakes are high here bug. You and hubby have to form a united front and show Victor that you will not be lied to. I would make up a story about how you found out - when it comes to the health and safety of my kids, they don't need to know how I know something - they just have to accept that I do. You cannot tell him that you got into his account. A child who wants to deceive will just up his game, and you already have your hands full enough; you don't have time to become a part-time detective. Keep that avenue you already have open for future use. If there are things that he REALLY wants to do, then it is important that he do them, but under your guidelines, not his own. Indoor concert, no way - Outdoor concert, maybe - he may not have all the options he wants, but he will have some. All that being said, your Victor sounds like a great kid, and I know how much it hurts when they lie to us, but it's not 'cause he loves you any less - he's just trying to fit in. As always, I wish you all the best.

  4. #10194
    PWS
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    You don't want to scare the girlfriend off, she may be the most "normal" thing he has around now, but maybe you really do want to enlist her without revealing you know about the concert. If she cares about him she will want him to live. Of course maybe she really only wants a date to the concert, in which case both you and Victor are in trouble!
    But you could try, "since you are part of the family as it were now, I need to let you know what's healthy for him and what isn't"... you could make it part of general guidelines, about how important it is for her to be aware of when she's getting sick, etc. (part of the etc., being avoiding crowds when he's immunosuppressed), and of course involve Victor in this, as you want to welcome her, etc.
    I'm normally all for honesty in these situations, but the life and death side does affect things, as well as the financial hit.... I understand Victor's rebellion, but there are all those studies now showing that teens, even those old enough to die for their country, really haven't got a fully developed part of the brain that allows them to consider consequences. Sadly you do need to be able to spy on him, to let him rebel in safe ways....
    Maybe while you are talking to her, in front of Victor, you could throw in an aside, that even if he catches a cold "from her" and it doesn't kill him, it could still hospitalize him, and that you all are really scraping the bottom of the barrel on healthcare costs--that of course that's less important than death, but still a factor. And then throw out the carrot that hopefully soon all this will be over....
    A really tough situation, buglover... and by the way, you better hope he doesn't know you write on FORT!

  5. #10195
    RENThead JLuvs's Avatar
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    My cousin passed away yesterday after fighting off cancer for the last two years. She was so strong and had a wicked sense of humor that will be sorely missed. She was only in her twenties so it is heartbreaking, but at least there is no more pain or chemotherapy.
    Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter.
    -Bono

  6. #10196
    9/11/2001 NEVER FORGET. Eastcoastmom's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I am sorry for your loss, JLuvs.

  7. #10197
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I'm very sorry for your loss JLuvs.
    When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "Happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life. - John Lennon

  8. #10198
    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I'm so sorry for your loss, JLuvs. My thoughts are with you and your family.
    "There's no crying in baseball!"
    -- Tom Hanks, A League of Their Own

  9. #10199
    FORT Fogey canadian_angel's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I am sorry for your loss JLuvs.

  10. #10200
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.
    - The Dean Martin Show -

    Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
    Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..

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