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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #10181
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I agree with cablejockey buglover, Victor is still at the age even as he fights cancer, that he thinks he is infallible.

    or he may just be trying to live to his fullest because he may be thinking he might not be able to do it again.
    - The Dean Martin Show -

    Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
    Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..

  2. #10182
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    He's got to live his life, and he's going to control what he can....which is not much right now. He's feeling the need to hide things from you for a reason. You and Victor know what that is. Whatever you do, try not to lie to him. Don't bring up a subject if you feel that is the way you may have to go.

    When's the last time you've written him a "love letter"?
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  3. #10183
    Go Donny! Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Tough one, bug... I can understand why he wants to go do normal, fun teen things. And I sure lied to my parents a LOT at his age. Maybe you could ask his doctor to lay it on thick. Coming from a professional it may hit home better. Give him little portable bottles of hand sanitizer. Better than nothing.
    Count your blessings!

  4. #10184
    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Actually, at 18, he's an adult (he can serve in the military and vote -- and, in other countries not as backwards as the U.S., he can legally drink alcoholic beverages). He may be feeling overprotected, and needs to feel in control -- even if by doing stupid things. At this point, he's responsible for the consequences of his own actions. Maybe looser reins will give him more of a feeling of freedom to make good choices?

    [Having said that, I'll also say: I'm not a parent, so what the hell do I know? But I do remember being 18.]
    "There's no crying in baseball!"
    -- Tom Hanks, A League of Their Own

  5. #10185
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    True, he is considered an adult; however, I am paying all of his medical bills and when he puts himself in a situation that might get him hurt or sick, I have to pay for every hospital stay. I currently owe over 2000. for hospital stays and it's barely April. He thinks he is responsible for his own actions, but the truth is I am responsible for his health care and payment and when he puts himself at risk, he also puts his family at risk of financial ruin.
    Yup, with donuts!!

  6. #10186
    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by buglover View Post
    True, he is considered an adult; however, I am paying all of his medical bills and when he puts himself in a situation that might get him hurt or sick, I have to pay for every hospital stay. I currently owe over 2000. for hospital stays and it's barely April. He thinks he is responsible for his own actions, but the truth is I am responsible for his health care and payment and when he puts himself at risk, he also puts his family at risk of financial ruin.
    Got it! If you're footing the bills, that's another story.
    (At 18, I was on my own and financially independent -- by my own choice. Poor, but in a position to call my own shots. Definitely not the same case with your son. Until he's paying his own bills, you are totally in the right to check up on him AND kick his butt! S/He who pays the bills has final say.)
    Last edited by Ellen; 04-07-2011 at 10:57 PM.
    "There's no crying in baseball!"
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  7. #10187
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I was on my own at 16 but my son cannot live alone since he has liver cancer and has treatments, etc. That's what I mean by putting himself at risk. He has very low white blood count and could get very sick in a huge crowd of people. I would love to have him be out on his own and figuring out how life works but for now, he's stuck with me and my rules... lol
    Yup, with donuts!!

  8. #10188
    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by buglover View Post
    I was on my own at 16 but my son cannot live alone since he has liver cancer and has treatments, etc. That's what I mean by putting himself at risk. He has very low white blood count and could get very sick in a huge crowd of people. I would love to have him be out on his own and figuring out how life works but for now, he's stuck with me and my rules... lol
    Luckily -- and fingers crossed, he'll live to see the day to be old enough to realize that.
    I'm not a prayer person, but my good thoughts are with you, sweetie.
    "There's no crying in baseball!"
    -- Tom Hanks, A League of Their Own

  9. #10189
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Bug, you'll know if and when the time comes for you two to have the "talk". And, maybe, this is his way of living. I learned with my sons to keep my opinions to myself....but when health was concerned, I spoke out a great deal!

  10. #10190
    Go Teams! inthegarden's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Buglover, this is a difficult spot to be in as a parent. I think I would let him slide on this one and not mention it to him. He will think he got away with something and in a strange way give him power over his cancer. He will eventually bring the concert up to you and at that point you can tell him you were aware that he went to the concert (you don't have to tell him how and you need to be able to keep track of him). When he ask why you didn't say anything, tell him you love him and respect him enough to let him make the right choices for his life. You would hope that he loved you enough to understand that his choices not only effect him but you too. Let him know the toll its taking on you. You are not trying to keep him from living his life, but you want him around for a very long time. He is such a strong fighter, he needs to be using his strenght to fight the cancer and not undermining your parenting.
    I'm praying for you both.

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