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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #10041
    Me and my shadow Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    You might make a list of all the chores that need to be done around the house, large and small, and then ask him which ones he would like to be responsible for.
    Count your blessings!

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    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    My son lives in our basement. He has his own living area and bedroom and he uses our kitchen, bathroom and laundry. He pays rent and buys his own laundry detergent, shampoo, etc. Things have worked out well for us. In fact, since I've been laid off and started back to school, the money he pays in rent has been a life saver for us. I do have to remind him to let me know when he isn't coming home after work. I know he's an adult, but that doesn't stop me from worrying.
    History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people. Martin Luther King, Jr.

  3. #10043
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    A contract is an excellent idea....with a posted copy, signed by everybody. It's the Real World. Remember, you are teaching him for the future, and that is a very loving thing to do.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

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  4. #10044
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Lil Bit View Post
    My son lives in our basement. He has his own living area and bedroom and he uses our kitchen, bathroom and laundry. He pays rent and buys his own laundry detergent, shampoo, etc. Things have worked out well for us. In fact, since I've been laid off and started back to school, the money he pays in rent has been a life saver for us. I do have to remind him to let me know when he isn't coming home after work. I know he's an adult, but that doesn't stop me from worrying.
    I bet he does appreciate that also
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  5. #10045
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by famita View Post
    I try to stay positive....I guess emphasis on the "try". It doesn't do any good to keep on with the "what if"'s. I guess I was wondering about if I should have him sign a contract with us. Maybe that'll help him grow up. He's been a wandering soul
    We actually did this when my daughter was 13 and the pod people replaced her with the sullen clone.
    If he is paying rent, then a "lease" might be a good idea. Lay out the rules and the consequences for breaking them up front.

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  6. #10046
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    The one thing that annoyed me is, son opens the fridge, then states, "why don't we have any whatever" , well I learned to respond by, I don't need that, there are plenty of stores to go and buy it yourself. In a very nice tone of course.

    Sometimes they think you need to go grocery shopping soley for their own requests. By the time you buy everything they like, there's no room in the budget to purchase real food.

    I would make sure the food section is made clear, do you intend to provide all food? or just meals/lunches etc, and anything extra that he wants, chips junk food whatever, will he purchase his own?

    I like that you have goals set for him, set up some type of savings program, reducing debt, paying rent, IMO it is so important to review those goals on a regular basis. Show him statements of the debts owning, payments being made, show him his accumulated savings account, stress the importance of good credit for future, these are all real life situtations that unfortunately sometimes as parents we don't discuss. This might help him want to start changing his life around.

    It sounds like all he needs is that one little break, be it a job that he enjoys, which will encourage him to go to work everyday, start earning an income and feel like he is moving forward. This will encourage him to set his own goals, for the future, maybe find a nice little apartment. While working he might purchase little items that he will save for "when he moves to his own apartment".

    Good luck to you and your son!

  7. #10047
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by GuardianAngel View Post
    The one thing that annoyed me is, son opens the fridge, then states, "why don't we have any whatever"


    I do that myself- I open it up and state that very same thing. I look at Joey and say who is going to the store, you or me? Usually then he head butts my leg and I have to brush him so I guess I didn't need it.
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  8. #10048
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I open the fridge and stare into it and shut it and then go back later and do the same thing. Like somehow elves came in between and changed all the food in there to stuff I actually want to eat.
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  9. #10049
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog View Post
    I open the fridge and stare into it and shut it and then go back later and do the same thing. Like somehow elves came in between and changed all the food in there to stuff I actually want to eat.
    They never do, but I wish they would!!

    I hate having food in the cupboard we're not eating. I'd like to plan them all out ahead of time, but it's never what I want when I want it. We've taken to MrCoz stopping on his way home to pick up a specific thing we want to eat that day. Probably not our best use of time, but it is directly on the way so it's not a separate trip anyhow, and then it's what I want on the day.

  10. #10050
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog View Post
    I open the fridge and stare into it and shut it and then go back later and do the same thing. Like somehow elves came in between and changed all the food in there to stuff I actually want to eat.
    I do that too. Usually, with each return to the fridge, my standards have lowered!
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