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Bug - sounds really frustrating and exhausting - and yet you feel guilty for feeling those normal emotions. Sorry.
Angel - sounds bad for your friend, but my cancer was about the size of a walnut (6 mo. after an "all-clear" mammo), but it hadn't spread. They won't know that until they take the sentinal nodes during surgery. One step at a time.
Oh, geez. While I appreciate people's confidence in me, I'm kind of cringing at "Ellen's right," etc. I'm not a mom. I have no idea what it's like to have a kid, much less a seriously ill kid. I'm just going by what I've seen as a teacher/tutor, and how teenagers think. And my experience in tutoring a high school kid who was going through chemo -- and her parents who had to deal with her and her teenager-ness.
Buglover, feel free to ignore anything I've said if it doesn't fit. But if anything I said was helpful, then I'm glad I could help.
That's encouraging! Just curious, did they do a needle biopsy beforehand?Originally Posted by Gutmutter;4190129;
Since my friend's experience (like yours) who discovered cancer 6 months after a mammogram, I've talked to a lot of people and read a lot. That seems to be a normal statistic! It stunned me because I'd always assumed the mammogram was the magic ticket to assurance. Not true at all! Both the mammogram AND the self-exam are a necessity.
GA, my thoughts and prayers are with you, your friend and her family. It's such a difficult and uncertain time, but I know that the waiting time before the plan is in place and they know exactly what they are dealing with is often the hardest. I will pray for a successful and safe surgery.
Bug, my heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine how hard things are for you and your son. Please don't feel guilty.
I love you my BugTeenagers will be teenagers, healthy or not. I know this boy wants to live a very long life and he will do what is best for him but not before screwing with you first.....just becaise he can. We can love them as we try to get them to see that they're hurting no one but themselves by behaving that way. When push comes to shove Victor will do what is right.....it just needs to be his decision.
I found the lump, they did a needle biopsy, an ultra sound, several MRIs, an MRI needle biopsy, 3 lumpectomies (the second one didn't have clean margins), plus the sentinal node removal. I had the really bad chemo where you're sick and lose your hair, radiation (which isn't painful but leaves you exhausted), and a year-long chemo that is specifically for the kind of cancer I had, but doesnt have any of the usual chemo side effects (it only targets any remaining cancer cells and nothing else). Then I was on two different hormone restricting pills for 5 years. My cancer diagnosis was in May of '05 and I just finished treatment this past November.
There are a LOT of different kinds of breast cancer. It is the one area I would discourage doing an internet search unless you know EXACTLY what all the specifications are, some of which they won't know until the cancer has been removed and dissected. The biggest issue is whether it has gotten to the lymph nodes, because if it has, you can get breast cancer in any other part of your body.
Sorry if this is TMI for anyone. Feel free to PM me if you have more questions.
First of all, Bug, if you didn't feel this way after all you have been through, you wouldn't be human. EVERYONE needs to vent and as you know this is one of the best places to do it. Secondly, a wise person gave me this analogy and you need to pay attention to it!!YOU are a pitcher of water and all your responsibilities and obligations and your family are glasses. If you pour all of your water into their glasses and don't keep some for yourself, then your pitcher is empty. Not only is there nothing left for you, but there is nothing left to refill the glasses when they need it. As for the advice here: all good. Ellen may not have kids, but that gives her a different perspective that parents may miss. She has worked with them and I think gained valuable insight because of her perspective. I have a very good friend who does not have children but is a teacher. She has often given me insight and wisdom from her vantage point that was spot on, Unk is right too: get some counseling for the both of you. Victor is a teen, but on the cusp of being an adult. Could giving him more responsibility help this? You said he has not been too responsible in the past and you had to stay on top of it. Relinquish some of that to him and monitor from behind the scenes. Perhaps now he's ready for it. He may stumble and you can help him back up, but don't do it for him. I'm guessing he feels like the only control he has is to throw away his sandwich. His control is to decide not to eat or drink. I'm sure he feels like so much is out of his control (as do you) that even tho it's bad for him, he has this little bit of control on his own. You have been and are going through a lot and I can imagine that you are getting exhausted. Tell him that. Tell him that by shear will you are doing ALL this to keep him alive, but the fight is wearing you down and now YOU need his help. Maybe if he could think he's helping you, it may change how he sees and does things. Be honest with him, not just about his cancer and treatments but about you too. This is an age when they need honesty from parents, when they need to see that we can't do it all and smile, that it affects us too. Maybe if he sees you are human and not super mom, he will be more willing. So, trust him, be honest, let him know it's hard on you too, give him some responsibility, give him some aspect of his life he can control and see what happens. I had a friend whose husband had cancer and she said it felt like she was in a plane that was constantly circling and never would come in for a landing. I'm sure you all feel like that. Take a break now and plan something fun for the whole family. Just one day or a weekend. And know we love you and it's ok to not always be the strong one.
Not only a teenager, but he graduated from high school in June, right? So he's in his late teens, and probably feels even older at the Children's Hospital? He may already have something like this, but are there any teen groups that he could join? A support group for teens and maybe even twentysomethings who have cancer? The shared experience might be helpful for him, and it might be better for him to be on the younger end of the group rather than the older (especially if his friends are also starting college and having that new adventure).Hugs, buglover
Just a thought here -- as he's a teenager, normally wanting to be grown up and all, but still having to go to a Children's Hospital and being told to eat and drink by his mom -- and all this with cancer.
(I quoted Ellen because the way she phrased that gave me the idea.)
Buglover, I am so sorry that you and Victor are going through a difficult time.
Everybody handles illness in different ways. I can only imagine the anger, frustration, guilt and helplessness that you both feel.
Please try not to feel guilty for being a good Mom.
Victor knows that you are just Mom love nagging.
Shyra prayers for your friend.
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