My thoughts and prayers to everyone! Divorce is hard, but when you know in your heart of hearts that it's the best outcome, you have to believe in yourself! I know when I got divorced back when, I never thought it would happen but my ex and I finally re-discovered our friendship that we had lost through the early years of the divorce. When he unexpectantly died a few years ago, his family wanted me there to help plan his funeral. My boys were relieved that I would be there with them, and I was relieved that I would be there for them. And even though we had been divorced for so long, I was still sad for the loss. He ended up being a real good dad. During the years of our divorce, things had been said by my ex-"family". But when my mil and fil both died, I was there at the family's request to help plan the funeral of them, too. Mudah, I don't know what caused such bitterness on their part, but I feel you do not have to be a "punching bag" for anyone. You don't have to give up vacation or holiday time for them. However, you might feel about it differently later on. You might think about what it is that bothers you the most, decide that you won't accept that behavior from them, and then make your choice. Do what you think is right.
When my own dad was dying, I was 19 and in college. I came home every third weekend and watched him so my sisters and mom could get out of the house. On Sunday, I visited my gramma who was in a nursing home. That's all that I could handle. That's all that I wanted to do. My mom and sisters thought I was turning my back on them. I guess I was. Now, with my older sister undergoing chemo, I am the one who writes and visits and sends funny cards and my mom and other sister can't. She and I laughed about it the other week. She actually thanked me. That made me cry, because she's my sister. I don't need thanked because I visit or I call. I'm doing it because I want to. And I do have a reason for writing this.
In life, I have discovered that we all have choices to make. We have to decide if the problems are big or little. Are they going to affect us in one week, in ten years, forever? Can we compromise about them? Or are they so important to us that we can't compromise? We have to make a choice of how we are going to live our lives. Will we take the high road? Middle road? Low road. I've done all of them in my choices. I don't think I would change any of the choices I've made. Well, honestly, I might change one or two!
When I was in Jr High and High School, I had a change of friends. The In crowd was mean and cruel and I decided to switch. It started small, but I still have those several friends and we still get together every couple of years. They knew me when! I never had to worry about them talking behind my back-they were very up front. They still are.
I guess I should apologise for my pontificating. These are a few of life's lessons that I have learned so far. I still need help myself, like when do you start dating and how do you start dating (divorced since 1985), but that's another thread!