Talk about your troubles

[famita]

My thoughts and prayers to everyone! Divorce is hard, but when you know in your heart of hearts that it's the best outcome, you have to believe in yourself! I know when I got divorced back when, I never thought it would happen but my ex and I finally re-discovered our friendship that we had lost through the early years of the divorce. When he unexpectantly died a few years ago, his family wanted me there to help plan his funeral. My boys were relieved that I would be there with them, and I was relieved that I would be there for them. And even though we had been divorced for so long, I was still sad for the loss. He ended up being a real good dad. During the years of our divorce, things had been said by my ex-"family". But when my mil and fil both died, I was there at the family's request to help plan the funeral of them, too. Mudah, I don't know what caused such bitterness on their part, but I feel you do not have to be a "punching bag" for anyone. You don't have to give up vacation or holiday time for them. However, you might feel about it differently later on. You might think about what it is that bothers you the most, decide that you won't accept that behavior from them, and then make your choice. Do what you think is right.
When my own dad was dying, I was 19 and in college. I came home every third weekend and watched him so my sisters and mom could get out of the house. On Sunday, I visited my gramma who was in a nursing home. That's all that I could handle. That's all that I wanted to do. My mom and sisters thought I was turning my back on them. I guess I was. Now, with my older sister undergoing chemo, I am the one who writes and visits and sends funny cards and my mom and other sister can't. She and I laughed about it the other week. She actually thanked me. That made me cry, because she's my sister. I don't need thanked because I visit or I call. I'm doing it because I want to. And I do have a reason for writing this.
In life, I have discovered that we all have choices to make. We have to decide if the problems are big or little. Are they going to affect us in one week, in ten years, forever? Can we compromise about them? Or are they so important to us that we can't compromise? We have to make a choice of how we are going to live our lives. Will we take the high road? Middle road? Low road. I've done all of them in my choices. I don't think I would change any of the choices I've made. Well, honestly, I might change one or two!
When I was in Jr High and High School, I had a change of friends. The In crowd was mean and cruel and I decided to switch. It started small, but I still have those several friends and we still get together every couple of years. They knew me when! I never had to worry about them talking behind my back-they were very up front. They still are.
I guess I should apologise for my pontificating. These are a few of life's lessons that I have learned so far. I still need help myself, like when do you start dating and how do you start dating (divorced since 1985), but that's another thread!

[Google]

 

[charlottej]

Thanks for the insight into your life, Mudah. I had no idea of your background, and I appreciate you sharing it with us.

[Muduh]

You people are such good therapy for me. Lucky for you I just wrote about a twenty minute post and then got rid of it before everyone read it. I know I can get way too long winded. I'm not in a very good place right now. I have been getting the silent treatment since Sunday. I really don't care whether he ever speaks again or not it's just that I need some information that he has and I don't.
famita, have you met my loooong divorced friend, Scott? If not I'd like to introduce you sometime. Sort of like a lonely hearts club here, no?

[KymberlyAnn]

It seems like when it rains, it pours. My friend Seth died in a car wreck last weekend, my great aunt had a massive stroke on Sunday and they are only giving her a few days to live, my friend Jason was driving down the road and his lung collapsed so now he's in the hospital, and my great uncle had surgery on Monday. Now we're expecting a flood from hurricane Ivan. My grandmother was in the hospital and is now out but she's still not as healthy as she was.

[Mariner]

Muduh, I am so sorry about your husband's family and especially about him not being supportive. You really have been so thoughtful and concerned about everyone's troubles. for everyone.

[Pansygirl]

to everyone. My thoughts and prayers are with each of you.

[EvaLaruefan]

Wow...alot of you are going through some rough times.

For those getting divorced...I wish you goodluck and hope things work out o.k in the end

puck...I married a "good guy" and I'm sure the right girl is out there for you...goodluck

Muduh...you are such a sweeite and we're here for you too if you nedd us, PM me anytime.

*hugs to all of you*

[CharlieBug]

Muduh - stay strong and trust yourself. My mom is in a similar situation to yours, and that's what I tell her. Sometimes families can be so nit-picky and downright rude. But you have done nothing wrong.

To those going through divorce or loss of a family member or friend.....

Puck - I just married a 'nice guy', and he is almost 30. You haven't run out of time - you've reached the age where women realize a nice guy is what they want. Don't give up.

Well, in comparison to many of the situations on this thread, my problem is trivial. But I do feel I need to vent and hope that maybe there is a lawyer out there who could offer some free legal counsel? okay, maybe not. But here goes...
My husband and I got married about three and a half months ago. About a month before the wedding, we purchased a house and were going to close about a month after the wedding. When we returned from our honeymoon, I told my husband that I had a bad feeling about the situation (the sellers of the house had done a couple of things that were a little shady) and that I wanted to see the house again because women's intuition told me something was wrong. So we checked out the house to find the basement had been flooded. This is not something that was listed on their disclosure as being a common problem. (And no, we're not located anywhere near a common flooding area) But after doing some investigating around the house, we found that the gutter in back was not properly in place and may have caused it. We also found a few other problems. Well, we're not made of money and had already had big plans for some major projects we were going to do to fix up the house, but fixing the basement and the other recently discovered issues on top of everything else was too much. We just couldn't afford it. Our lawyer and realtor told us it was okay to back out - the closing was still two weeks away, that is our right, and the most we would lose would be our earnest money. So we did, but then the sellers threatened to sue us for over $300K worth of damages! It got pretty nasty there for a while, but then we thought things would be over when they sold the house just slightly over a month later for slightly more than what we were going to buy it for. We were wrong. They're still trying to sue us, but now for their lawyer fees, the cost of water, taxes, lawncare, electricity, etc. that incurred during the time we should have closed and until it did close with the new owner. We think this is ridiculous that someone can even do this (after all, people back out of buying houses every day - some for no reason), but it's even more difficult since this is all we've been dealing with since we've been married. We're living in my condo right now, and I feel bad for my husband because it's so small that he has not been able to move in any of his own belongings besides his clothes - so it doesn't feel like 'our' home. Our lawyer has recommended that we don't continue to look at houses until this whole thing has blown over. That could take years! So basically our lives have been put on hold. We haven't really had too many meetings with our lawyer about our concerns because we are trying to keep our lawyer fees to an amount we can actually afford. It's just so frustrating.

Sorry for the long post, but believe it or not, that's the short version.

Thank you for allowing me to vent.

[dagwood]

Originally Posted by Puck

J.D. - Okay, I'll ammend my first post to "no girls prioritize the nice guy first". What's the saying "nice guys finish last?". I disagree. Nice guys don't finish last....they don't even finish.

Oh, and I'm 30 year old, so my time is ticking...tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock. I'm not going to waste my years away waiting for women to learn the value of the nice guy (for more than friendship). Funny though...that's all I've been doing. All good things to those who wait. I'm sure I'll find someone in due time. Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!



(i'll consider an avatar change---maybe)

I know how you feel, Puck. As a 33 year old lady I can tell you that most of the guys my age are that way, too.

[KymberlyAnn]

Just found out that the great aunt passed away. At least she died peacefully.