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Thread: I'm sad

  1. #1
    Angel boy
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    I'm sad

    My heart is heavy this morning, for 2 reasons.

    1. My 4 month old son was born with an extra thumb. I have been assured by numerous doctors, as well as hours spent researching it, that it is hereditary and there is nothing I did/didn't do while I was pregnant that caused it. He has to have surgery the first of October to remove it. We're talking putting him to sleep, the whole nine yards. This on a 5 month old baby!! But, this is the optimal time to do it because he has just recently discovered his hands and has chosen the extra one as his "binkie". The orthopaedic doctor says he wants to remove it before he starts really using his hands, so he won't have to re-learn how to pick things up and such if we waited. After finally releasing myself of the blame, I just found out at a doctor's appointment Friday that he has a growth on the other hand, right under the thumb that may be the same thing. So, there is a possibility that he will have to have both hands operated on, and that tears me up inside. My friends and family try to soothe me by saying things like "it could have been worse" and "at least it's not something major, like his heart", or my favorite "it's no big deal"........IT IS A BIG DEAL!!! This is my baby, and he has to be cut on!!! Anyone out there had any similar experiences they can share, because I'm about ready to call off the whole surgery. I mean, it's just cosmetic....does he REALLY have to go through all that?

    2. My husband's uncle died very unexpectedly on Friday. He was in excellent health (to our knowledge) and went out to run some errands. His friend found him slumped over in his car, dead. No signs of wounds, foul play, etc. We are a VERY close family, and I don't deal with anyone's death very well AT ALL. He never got to meet my son, his first great-nephew. His mother is 83 (and runs circles around you and me) and has already lost 2 husbands and 2 sons. We're not sure if she will be able to handle this very well. The worst part? This all happened in NY and we are in NC. My husband and I cannot afford to fly the 3 of us up there, not to mention there is no bereavement pay for uncles (explain THAT one, please). We cannot even go up to pay our last respects.

    Thanks for letting me get some of this off my chest. For some reason, sometimes it's easier to talk to strangers than it is your own family. Please keep all of us in your thoughts and prayers.

    Charlotte

  2. #2
    Resident Single Gal erin_dye's Avatar
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    Charlotte, I have no words of advice for you except that my heart goes out to you and your family.

  3. #3
    Angel boy
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    Thanks, Erin. I really appreciate the kind words.

  4. #4
    FORT Fanatic mkwdood's Avatar
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    Charlotte - I'm sure the doctors told you, but at 5 month - your lovely child will have absolutely no memories of this surgery. and will feel as if there never was anything different. Babies are very resilant at this age, and he should come through with no problems. This will avoid future problems, as children can be quite cruel.

    I wish I had any encouragement on the other problem, but know that you and your family are in my prayers.

  5. #5
    Angel boy
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    Thanks mkwdood. Logically, I know that this is the best thing for him. It's just very hard to comprehend that my baby has to have surgery. I appreciate your prayers.

  6. #6
    FORT Fanatic mkwdood's Avatar
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    both my babies had ear problems when they were little (they are 20 & 22 now) - my son had 4 surgeries by the time he was 2.
    He'll be fine.

  7. #7
    Glad 4 Vlad! :) Tigrazhia's Avatar
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    Charlotte, my heart goes out to you & your family. It sure seems like everything bad happens at once sometimes. I think you should go ahead with the surgery on your son for the sake of a healthy future for him. He will be over it fast, but if the surgery was not to take place & he grew up with an extra thumb, I'm afraid he would go through a lot of problems at school, like mkwdood said, children can be so very cruel to people who are a little different, it's really sad that so many can't accept people as they are without picking on them, but unfortunately it's a fact :-(
    The surgery is probably worse for you than it'll be for him Mental and visualization of things are usually a lot worse and more vivid than the actual event itself

    2. I'm sorry to hear about this. I can relate to you as I was unable to fly home for my grandfather's funeral & be with my family at that time. It broke my heart & I felt very alone at that point in time, even tho I had my husband here and his family, I was the only one here that had known grandpa all my life. Maybe you and your husband can hold a little private wake for his uncle with just the two of you.... Light a candle, dress up a little, perhaps you or your husband would want to write a genuine letter to this uncle and burn it so it'll reach up to him or you can say a few words. I know it won't be like actually being there at the actual funeral, but it will be sort of a closure in your lives and you know his uncle will be watching you pay your respect to him from wherever he is resting now.

    Take care of yourself, I know it's rough right now but you will get through it and you will be stronger

    Tig
    "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how."

  8. #8
    From the corner of my eye Jewelsy's Avatar
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    I'm sending good thoughts to you and your family.

  9. #9
    FORT Fogey
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    Wow, Charlotte, that's tough. It is tough to lose an uncle. My mother's uncle passed away when I was in HS, and it's still one of the toughest deaths I ever had to deal with. I think Tig's right--maybe having your own private ceremony can help with some closure for you guys. As for the little one, I can only imagine how hard that is. It is a very big deal to you, I know. I'm sending prayers and good thoughts your way.

  10. #10
    FORTfruity applesauce's Avatar
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    Charlotte, I am so sorry you have to go through all of this. I know it is never easy to lose a loved family member. My heart goes out to you.

    Regarding your son...one of our closest friends was born with six toes on both feet...as are ALL the children in his family. His sisters, cousins, everyone. They all had their extra toes removed as babies. There is nothing you could have done to prevent this. I know our friend doesn't remember a thing about his and he and his wife know that they will have to deal with it when they have children. (Ironically, they both have PHD's in genetics). Anyway, the hardest thing in the world is to see your little one go through any sort of procedure. The good thing is, even though it weighs heavily in your heart, he will never remember this. He will just have a good story to share when he is older and it will make him unique.

    Good Luck with everything!

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