I need help!!!!!!
I have a problem and I am looking for your help. I have been a member of a chatboard since the summer and have been flamed and run off the boards more than once. The reason is because they are a very nasty group and I went up against them several months ago so they ran me off by constantly humiliating me and bashing me. I keep going back and can't seem to stop myself even though I have tried and tried. I am starting to think that there is something wrong with me. I realize I am obsessing over these people now and I feel like I have to answer them so I can "win" the battle. I have gotten to the point where I have cancelled my membership there but I can still read the posts from the "outside". When I do, and I see they are still flaming me, I get upset and feel sick. But I still keep going back to read the threads and what they are saying about me. I haven't posted there in three days as sort of a new years resolution, but they still put up threads addressed to me baiting me to come on. They are now accusing some newcomers of being me and have run off two new posters in the past two days accusing them of being me using a new name. I have no problem on this board or playing pogo which are the other two things I do on the computer, but when it comes to that particular board, I am obsessed. I need some advice as to how to break my obsession with those people and just stop obsessing over them-my goal is to get to where I just do not care about them anymore to where I won't be tempted to even go near that board. Has anyone had this problem or can anyone give me some advice how I can accomplish that because it starting to make me crazy. I am really embarrassed posting this but I am at my wits end with this. Is there something wrong with me? Help.
there's nothing wrong with you. many of us have this need or desire to have others like us... even if the others aren't worth a shite themselves.
i used to be addicted to a gaming board where flaming was part of the protocol. i quit the game, but was addicted to the horrid board. eventually i just weened myself off of it... realizing that the posters who stayed were worthless jerks that in the grand scheme of things didn't amount to a hill of beans. i used to go back and lurk, too. one day, i just stopped. i wish i had advice on how to tell you to stop or get you to stop, but i don't. take the link outta your favorites. clean out your cookies. take the icon for the site off of your desktop. realize that you don't know those people anyway, and they obviously aren't worth knowing. don't give in... you've gone 3 days without posting there. don't post again. eventually the jerks will get tired and stop posting about you.
Shersidhe, thank you for saying this that there is nothing wrong with me because I have been thinking about going into therapy which I cannot afford right now, to get passed this. If you can do it, I can too. I did all the things you just told me, removing the cookies and the shortcuts and even though the web-address is engrained in my head, I will try my best to deter myself from just typing it in the GO space on the toolbar. How long did it take you to where you could go through an entire day not even giving the board you were hooked on a second thought? I have been having nightmares about the people on those boards for three days now. I just so need to stop thinking about these people because you are right, they aren't worth a hill of beans. Thank you for answering my post.
I don't know what to tell you, CB, other than, forget about those idiots! You don't need them. They obviously have nothing better to do than to flame and talk about you even after you left. Not the kind of people I would like to hang out with.
Since you've gone 3 days without posting over there, try going a couple of days without viewing the posts over there. Pretty soon you'll realize that your life is much peaceful and won't ever want to visit that awful board again.
Oh, I've been there, a couple times. Eventually I finally realized that I was more mature than they are and started ignoring them. What they are doing it trying to start something because they have nothing better to do with their lives but to argue with you or someone else. They want to work you up. Don't buy into it. I say, join a new group to keep your mind off of them. You don't need them and you don't need the crap. Remember, it's just an internet message board. There are hundreds of different message boards to visit, hopefully with more mature people than that one (like this board. I love this board. Everybody here is great to talk to.)
Don't know if I helped any but that's my advice.
no, don't go into therapy, cb. you'll be fine.
i lurked on and off (not daily) for about a month. when i just read the crap and didn't participate, i began to become keenly aware that the garbage they posted was... well, garbage. i realized that people on many of these boards are there just to provoke you and cause conflict. once you take yourself out of the conflict, over time you realize how mundane and unimportant the whole thing is. i also found another board to post on (with all these great people here at fort.) when i found them, i just dove right in and joined in every conversation. i had lurked a moment or two to find out that no baiting or flaming was rule number 1. that helped my motivation. to get over that other site, really get into this one. you'll find that urge to fight at that other site just disappears.
Yes this does all help. Thank you all for letting me know that I am not in need of a psychiatrist and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am going to not even peek for the next three days and see how that goes. If I can get passed the next three days I think that there is hope! Thank you for this, really!
Yeah, nix the therapy idea. This board is all the therapy that you (and all of us) need.
Same here, Sher. I only lurked at that other board (where a bunch of the FORTers used to be) for a couple of days before diving in. It was really friendly so I had no reservations about joining in on the coversations.
i also found another board to post on (with all these great people here at fort.) when i found them, i just dove right in and joined in every conversation.
CB- don't worry, I'm going to echo the above comments and say that there's no way you need a psychiatrist! It's human nature to want to know what is being said about you, and to want to be well liked. I don't have any suggestions other than what's been posted already.
And Wolf and Sher- I agree with you guys about the other board- everyone there was so friendly from the start.
The race is back!
ClaraBella, you're perfectly normal, especially since they're juvenile enough to keep baiting you after you've been gone for 3 days. That surprises me, because normally the shelf-life on flaming is pretty short. Flamers usually need targets that will respond, and when they don't get it, they move on.
I guarantee that they'll forget you and move on to the next targets. In the meantime, know that you're better than them for having moved onward and upward, leaving them firmly behind.
It's best to cut the ties firmly and not go back. If you go back, they'll start right back up like you never even left.
And don't be afraid to vent here. Everyone needs to vent once in a while, and we're good listeners
I went through my phase when I was younger of being the flamer on several boards. It was fun, but of course you don't make any friends that way. I consider a lot of people here truly friends, and it's because everyone here respects everyone else.
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