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Thread: Brother in law robbing the cradle

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    80's Rule! karna68's Avatar
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    Brother in law robbing the cradle

    Okay need some opinions here. I have a brother in law who's 38, he's been divorced twice and had to evict his last girlfriend out of his house. Needless to say he doesn't make the wisest choices when it comes to women. After the eviction incident I told him I was going to start screening any future girlfriends, he agreed. He actually has been dating around for the first time in his life and not tying himself down to one woman. He introduced us (hubby and I) to one lady and she was perfectly nice, didn't see too much wrong with her but that was the one and only time we saw her. We go to dinner for a friend's birthday a few weeks ago and he is there with a new "girl" she is 24!!! Now before all of you say that you and your significant other are X number of years apart, re-read the beginning of my post. I really don't think he's thinking with the right brain if you know what I mean. For crying out loud he has a son that's only 6 years younger than her! I told him I thought she was too young and he says he gave her every opportunity to get out of it but she still wants to date him. That raises another question, what does a 24 year old want with a 38 year old? I should add that he's a firefighter, I'm pretty sure she just wants to be able to say she's going out with a firefighter. Ah well, one of these days he'll learn right? lol!

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    Nevermind Lotuslander's Avatar
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    Karna, I read this in G.Q. a few years ago, about rules of whether someone your dating is too young. Divide your age by half and then add 7, so if he's 38 a good rule for him would be not to date anyone younger than 26, she's 2 years too young. This formula works at any age, but then again there are exceptions. If your 50 for example, dating anyone younger than 32 would be a no, no. Or if your 20, anyone younger than 17.... Your brother's a little old to need anyone screening his girlfriends, if he' so often find himself in the victim role, maybe it's some kind of hero complex or something he has. Nobody can victimize someone without some kind of unconscious pliancy on their part. It could be worse, what if your brother was dating a 24 year old guy. Hope this cheers you up

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    Are these spots becoming? chompstick's Avatar
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    I'd have to say that he's a grown man, albeit an immature one perhaps, and he needs to make his own decisions and mistakes. As frustrating as it is for you, you probably have to give up on trying to help him and "fix" him, and let him continue to learn the hard way. The age difference wouldn't bother me without first getting to know the woman. There are lots of very mature 24 year old women who might see wonderful qualities in your brother, regardless of his age. Conversely, there are lots of immature 24 year olds who might have ulterior motives. Impossible to judge without getting to know her first, I'd say.
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    80's Rule! karna68's Avatar
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    Thanks guys, I just think given his past experiences all he needs is to be dating someone that young. It's just asking for trouble.

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    Premium Member Yeti Long Shot: Porpoheus Champion
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    I have to agree with Lotus and Chompstick. Your brother is 38. If he chooses the wrong women, there's really nothing you can do about it. I'm always choosing the wrong men, but if one of my brothers tried to screen the men I date, it would drive us further apart than ever. My mom is the only one I allow to have an opinion about that (well, my kids, too), but mom knows I take her with a grain of salt, but she feels better having been able to throw in her two pennies. My family motto is "toldyaso". LOL And who knows, maybe he is getting what he wants from these ladies!

    JMO

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    80's Rule! karna68's Avatar
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    I should have also said that I think if all he's doing is having fun then that's okay, nothing wrong with that but I will be very disappointed if he starts getting serious about her. Oh, and the whole "screening" thing started off as a joke but he says he really needs my help, go figure!

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    Nevermind Lotuslander's Avatar
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    Maybe this one is different, and you may even like her.

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    80's Rule! karna68's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lotuslander
    Maybe this one is different, and you may even like her.
    I doubt that, she hasn't spoke 2 words to me since we were introduced. I have a knack for seeing through people, and I don't think she's right for him.

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    Premium Member Yeti Long Shot: Porpoheus Champion
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    Quote Originally Posted by karna68
    I should have also said that I think if all he's doing is having fun then that's okay, nothing wrong with that but I will be very disappointed if he starts getting serious about her. Oh, and the whole "screening" thing started off as a joke but he says he really needs my help, go figure!

    I'm sorry, sometimes I may come across as opinionated and bossy - but that's just because I am. But I'm gonna stick to my guns on this one - these things often backfire.

    again, JME (just my experience)

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    Miz Smarty Britches queenb's Avatar
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    As hard as it is, it's probably best for you to stay out of it even if he asks for your "help". No matter what disastrous relationship he may get in it really isn't a thing you should be too worried about in my opinion. , He is an adult, whether he likes it or not, and at some point he's going to have to learn to think for himself. If he has to wonder if he's dating the right one, then maybe that fact should tell him something!
    I have found the Truth and it doesn't make sense.

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