Personal Problems

[erin_dye]

I am in need of some advice and was hoping you guys could help me.

I recently found out that my best friend is dating my ex-boyfriend.
She told me that if I didn't want her to see him anymore, then she would stop. I told her that I didn't want to stop her because I didn't want her
to blame me for denying her what could have been the love of her life.
However, since then our friendship has been very strained. She doesn't
go anywhere without him, and I am not ready to be around the two of
them together. I tried to one time and it just tore me apart for days.
I has lost trust for my friend and have trouble talking to each other
anymore because every other sentence she utters has to do with him.
I no longer get invited to do things with our group of friends because
he gets invited instead. My other friends do not like him, but they put
up with him for her sake. I was at first hoping that the relationship
would just be a passing thing, but things look like it might get serious eventually. What do I do? I don't want to lose my best friend, but I
don't think I will ever be comfortable seeing them together.

[EvaLaruefan]

Wow erin, I can't possibly imagine what you're going through. Maybe just tell your friend the way you feel and maybe she can try make time for you guys to hang out alone without your ex being there. Goodluck!

[J.D.]

Hate to admit it, but I have been on your friend's side of a relationship like that. I lost a great girlfriend over it, and obviously, he's not around any more. (if I could turn back time.) I was selfish and naive, and for some reason didn't think she'd care. After all, she was done with him, right? Well she did care.

I know this doesn't answer your question, but I'm hoping it may shed some light on the situation.

[queenb]

Sometimes, things are broken and they can't be repaired. When that happens, it's hard to do but it's time to move on, do new things with new people. Sounds scary and it is, but it beats living in the past.

[erin_dye]

Thanks so much for the support you guys. I really needed it.

[canadian_bunny]

I would tell my friend that it bothers me being around her and my ex boyfriend, and ask if she could not put me in the situation of being around them together, hearing about their stories, etc till I was comfortable with them being together. If she is a true friend, she will respect your feelings and do the morally right thing and not talk about him or bring him around in front of you. Just a few questions Erin, Do you still have feelings for this guy? How long did you date and how long ago did you break up?

[Dinahann]

Erin, the cliche is that time heals all wounds. You know, that really is true but is very little comfort right now.Maybe when you start dating someone else yourself you'll care less.

My best friend and I have been through many things since we met in the 10th grade in 1973. If you and your friend are really close you'll eventually find a way around this.

You've gotten some good advice in this thread for how to deal with the situation. For now, tell her how you feel, and ask her to spend time with you alone. And talk with your mutual friends and try to schedule some time with them that doesn't include your friend and ex bf. Expanding your horizons always helps, too. Take a class, get involved with those that are less fortunate than you, and it will take your mind off of your troubles.

Try to be philosophical about it if you can, and good luck!

[erin_dye]

We were only together for a few months (not very long, I know), but we broke up at the end of February. I still do have some feelings for him. I know that it would never have worked out between us, but there is still some hurt there.

[AJane]

Hate to admit it, but I have been on your friend's side of a relationship like that. I lost a great girlfriend over it, and obviously, he's not around any more. (if I could turn back time.) I was selfish and naive, and for some reason didn't think she'd care. After all, she was done with him, right? Well she did care.

Me too, JD, me too.

Not to depress you, Erin, but most friendships don't seem to survive these situations. I think your only real option is to let things take their course, and for you to take the high road and avoid discussing the couple with mutual friends.

[oneTVslave]

Aww, erin, that sucks. I have nothing to add to what everyone else said, but