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Thread: Falling Down

  1. #11
    It ain't easy being green Wayner's Avatar
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    Originally posted by John
    Unlike the globe light I shattered in Florida when I hit it the same way. That was fun.
    John, I speak from experience when I say this - just be thankful for that nice, thick hair-padding you have on your head. While there are a lot of advantages to being bald (like ZERO styling time), the lack of padding in a collision with anything other than a pillow is just no fun.

    My best falling down story. First grade. My parents were inside a bank (not robbing it or anything), and I was waiting outside. I decided to climb up on this high ledge outside the building. I crouch on the ledge. I'm a cavalry scout looking for indians that might ambush the wagon train before they make it to the fort.(hey, it was the 60's we weren't pc back then). Suddenly, an indian scout spots me an shoots me though the heart with an arrow! I spring up, clutching my chest (yes, I had a vivid imagination - I was so skinny I had no chest), and start to fall forward. In mid fall, I notice that Bebe, this very cute girl from Mrs. Stone's class, is sitting in her dad's car in the parking lot watching me. The distraction was only a fraction of a second, but in that split-second, I fell too far forward to get my hands out in front of me before my temple connected solidly with the concrete. Klutz. I'm sure Bebe was not impressed.

    Meanwhile my parents are talking to a loan officer or something and my mom hears this kid wailing, and her first thought is "Will that kid's parents shut him UP?!!!!" She turns around to see all the people in the bank gaping at me as I walk towards her, blood streaming down my face and all over the banks carpet.

    I took 14 stitches. The doctor put a really nice white bandage over the whole mess, which still looks great in my aunt's wedding pictures; I was the ring bearer the next day.
    I visited the bank as an adult some 20 years later. They replaced the carpet with tile. And that high ledge? It's all of eighteen inches off the ground.

  2. #12
    Smiling again... Zhora's Avatar
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    What a great story Wayner!

    I don't fall down very often. I seem to find far more unique ways to injure myself. Things that make doctors say, "Oh my god. How on earth did that happen?"

    Here's the only falling down story I could think of:

    When I was about 3 years old my family lived in a split level house. I was upstairs playing in the living room and my mom went down into the daylight basement to throw some laundry in the washer. It was a hot day and the windows were open. I climbed up on the back of the couch and put my face against the screen to feel the breeze. I guess I put too much weight against it because it popped out. My mom just happened to look out the window at the exact moment that her 3 year old fell on her head out in the front yard. Oops. Sorry for the near heart attack, mom. She scooped me up and off to the hospital we went. It turns out didn't have so much as a scratch. What a lucky little kid, eh?
    Iím haunted a little this evening by feelings that have no vocabulary and events that should be explained in dimensions of lint rather than words.
    -Richard Brautigan

  3. #13
    FORT Fogey
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    Oh wayner,, no way! you poor baby!

  4. #14
    Sexy evil genius Paulie's Avatar
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    Wayner's story reminds me of the time my brother and I pushed over an entire art display at the bank when we were kids. All these pictures were hanging on a row of temporary folding panels (like the old dressing-room panels you'd hide behind). While Mom was waiting in line, we snuck behind the panel and hung out for a while. Before long, we thought it would be neat to push on the thing and see what happened. What happened, of course, was the whole thing went over with a really loud crash. I'll always remember seeing my mom's face staring at us in horror after the panel thingies were out of my way.

    I also shattered a huge plate glass window in my mom's office one time. My brother and I were just waiting for her to finish work so we could go home. Naturally, our thoughts turned to spinning in the lobby. With my brother right behind me, I spun directly into the plate glass window and shattered it with my elbow. Miraculously, I continued through the opening and my brother stopped. The top of the window slammed down like a guillotine and missed both of us. Neither of us even had a scratch. The window was replaced by an attractive metal gate after that.

    OK, not exactly falling down. But Wayner and Zhora's stories reminded me of disastrous kiddy antics so that's what you get.
    When you're ten years old and a car drives by and splashes a puddle of water all over you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school like that or try to go home and change and probably be late. So while he was trying to decide, I drove by and splashed him again. - Jack Handey

    Read Paulie's Precaps for Survivor:Vanuatu: 1-2-3-4-5

  5. #15
    Smiling again... Zhora's Avatar
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    I always thought I was kind of a klutz...But now I realize there is a much bigger standard I need to live up to. Thanks Paulie and Wayner.
    Iím haunted a little this evening by feelings that have no vocabulary and events that should be explained in dimensions of lint rather than words.
    -Richard Brautigan

  6. #16
    Sexy evil genius Paulie's Avatar
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    The funniest story I can think of about a person actually falling down was when my wife intentionally tripped some kid running down the hall in, like, 5th grade. It's funny because it's so contrary to her character. She says she don't know what possessed her, but she just stuck her foot out and watched the kid go down. It was just like in the movies, she said, with paper flying everywhere and him skidding on the floor in his hands and knees. That image is so funny to me!

    What a punk my wife is.
    When you're ten years old and a car drives by and splashes a puddle of water all over you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school like that or try to go home and change and probably be late. So while he was trying to decide, I drove by and splashed him again. - Jack Handey

    Read Paulie's Precaps for Survivor:Vanuatu: 1-2-3-4-5

  7. #17
    It ain't easy being green Wayner's Avatar
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    Two years before the wonderful bank incident, I was playing in front of our house. I decided I'd be a wild horse that was being chased my people. And what do you know, the people got a lasso around me and tried to capture me! I had tied one end of a rope around my waist and the other end to the water faucet. Well, wild horses don't take kindly to being roped, so I started thrashing around trying to break free. I slipped on the cement walk to our house, and SMACK! My OTHER temple took 12 stiches. To say I wasn't a graceful child would be an understatement.

    Fortunately for me, both scars were pretty much hidden by my eyebrows growing up. One scar is straight and the other is horseshoe shaped. I called them Horseshoe Fall and Niagra Fall when I was a kid.

  8. #18
    Smiling again... Zhora's Avatar
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    Hmmmm...prone to severe head injuries, huh Wayner? Everything is starting to fall into place now.
    Iím haunted a little this evening by feelings that have no vocabulary and events that should be explained in dimensions of lint rather than words.
    -Richard Brautigan

  9. #19
    It's Chihuly Summer's Avatar
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    Wayner - I am dying. My boss thinks I have some sort of gastro-intestinal distress because I keep making these funny noises in an effort not to FALL OUT OF MY CHAIR LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    OK. There is no way for any of us to ever hope to top Wayner's stories but I do have a little tale of my own.
    My daughter has these shoes, I will try to describe them. Black slip ons with very thick soles, like 2 or 3 inches, and this elastic band thing that you slide your foot into. I HATE these shoes (even before the "incident") but put them on to go to the library. (I was in a hurry) Anyway, I was standing in the back of the line to check out my books when all of a sudden I fell off, yes off, of the D$#@ shoes. I didn't just stumble, I went ALL THE WAY DOWN.
    I don't know how, but for the grace of GOD, no one saw this happen. The only thing I can think of is it must have been one of the TMobile commercials where everyone is frozen.

    You know, when these things happen to kids they are funny, but when an adult falls it is even more so! My daughter still rolls whenever she is reminded of my wearing her shoes.
    Watch out, It's a stampede!

  10. #20
    It ain't easy being green Wayner's Avatar
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    Oh, John! We need a :foomcl emoticon for Summer!

    I'm surprised more women don't snap an ankle when I see some of the shoes they were, Summer. I liked the TMobile reference!

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