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Thread: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

  1. #981
    MIA, RIP, or Busy...
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    Sep 2003
    Star I'm really sorry about your kitty. Children do have profound memories. I agree you should just tell her.

    I speak to my children often about death so they are not so curious about it. We have a lot of fish for pets (not as cuddly as kitties but my children love them just the same, especially when one fish died recently that was as old as my son ), so I have this happen often unfortunately. I just try to be matter of fact about it but try to make it sound as if it is not so much about the "end" but a "beginning".

    They have been told that God has created all the living creatures and is always watching over us. I tell them the concept that we will all be in Heaven someday and see each other again and God chooses when we come. God actually decided that he missed the fish and needed him by his side for a very important job, etc. Add to it as needed with their questions.

    Good luck. I'm really very very sorry about your kitty.
    A Bachelor fan til it dies a slow death and oddly enough, A Rock of Love fan...finest hair extensions from Europe and all. ;-)

  2. #982
    Under Investigation Tirlittan's Avatar
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    Apr 2003
    Quote Originally Posted by hepcat

    Eventually the boy gave my daughter a real push, and his mom barked out "Bart! Keep your hands to yourself!"
    Similar thing happened to me with my own son I have never been watching TV much, so I was really not up to date with the TV personalities (still am not, reality TV is the only thing I watch), and when I told some friends what my sons middle name was they just burst to laughter. I thought it was a fine name, but apparently there was some odd TV character going right then with that name whom I knew nothing about. But I have to say that everyoine DOES know Simpsons...
    ps. This is just my opinion in the matter.

  3. #983
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
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    Feb 2003
    salt lake city ut
    Tough one, Star. I say tell her.

    My daughter had a pet frog (the little aquarium ones) when she was 3. When he died, we buried him and I let her say a prayer for him. It really helped. She is sensitive, too, though not quite as sensitive as your daughter. She still talkes about missing the frog.
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

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  4. #984
    Sexy evil genius Paulie's Avatar
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    Sep 2002
    Not the regular cabana boy
    My original thought was simply to tell her the kitty was "gone" if she asked. But I keep going over it in my head, and I can see where she'd ask additional questions you would probably be unprepared for, and your answers in that situation wouldn't satisfy her curiosity. I agree with others here that telling her the cat has died and explaining what death means is the right way to go. Her grasp of death is likely only to be a superficial one, anyway, but it's a good introduction to the topic, and it settles the question of what happened to the cat and whether it will return. Regardless of the cirucmstances of the cat's death, though, I'm certain I wouldn't go into detail with her about HOW the cat died. Those images are likely to linger in her sensitive little mind for a long time, if you do.

    Good luck, Stargazer. I know this one's not easy.
    When you're ten years old and a car drives by and splashes a puddle of water all over you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school like that or try to go home and change and probably be late. So while he was trying to decide, I drove by and splashed him again. - Jack Handey

    Read Paulie's Precaps for Survivor:Vanuatu: 1-2-3-4-5

  5. #985
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    Jul 2003
    On a Rocky Mountain High
    Thanks for the good advice, everyone. Right now, she was caught up playing with the other kitties and didn't ask after Space specifically. When she does, I guess I'm going to try to explain that he died. *gulp* Hopefully, I don't lose my nerve.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  6. #986
    Hockey is life! EvaLaruefan's Avatar
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    Mar 2003
    Goodluck Star and let us know how it goes when and if you do break the news to her. *hugs*

  7. #987
    FORT Fogey
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    Oct 2003
    Quote Originally Posted by Stargazer
    Thanks for the good advice, everyone. Right now, she was caught up playing with the other kitties and didn't ask after Space specifically. When she does, I guess I'm going to try to explain that he died. *gulp* Hopefully, I don't lose my nerve.
    It's so tough Star! I would vote to tell her as well, I wouldn't dwell on it though. Let her take the lead as to how much she needs to talk about it, etc. Let us know how it's going!

  8. #988
    Peeking In Duxxy's Avatar
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    Jun 2003
    looking for a deal on evilBay
    Big hugs Star, I'm sorry to hear about your kitty

    My daughter is sensitive too (to the point that she gets upset and worries about the characters on tv if they are shown anywhere near a hospital situation) Although I haven't had to face your dilema yet I have thought alot about what I would say in the situation.
    At her age right now I think she'd be satisfied with kitty died, she's in heaven with God.
    The inevitable question is 'Where does God live?' so we would go back and read the book by Holly Bea by that title. She's older than baby gazer, and able to understand a little bit more so this probably won't help you in the least Star

    My advice is: if you are going to tell her that kitty died be prepared to answer her questions with as little information as possible (same advice the books give when talking to a really small child about sex) Don't tell her anything unless she asks, short undetailed answers are best. Good luck
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

  9. #989
    FORT Fogey veejer's Avatar
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    Sep 2003
    Star, sorry to hear about the kitty. I would tell her too. Just be careful not to use any phrase having to do with "sleep". That scares some little ones and then they're afraid to go to bed. And if I recall correctly, you don't need any more trouble in the department.

    Thanks for all the advice on my neighbor's thistles. I did a little research online and round-up is about the only solution. My husband also suggested he do the "oops, sorry it must have blown your way when I was treating mine." However I just talked to her about what I'd discovered and volunteered any help she wanted. She seemed open, but didn't really say, "sure, let's tackle it tomorrow." We'll see.

    Thanks also, AJane and FinallyHere, for the warnings about working with chemicals. We'll be careful.
    "Fish are friends, not food, but everything else is fair game." ~ Pating, Survivor Cagayan Pool

  10. #990
    Retired! hepcat's Avatar
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    Jun 2003
    in a good place
    Veejer, I'm still reeling that anyone would voluntarily cultivate a crop of thistles. You'd think she would be grateful for the offer. :rolleyes

    Good luck, Star. His name was Space, what an adorable name.
    You've gotta hustle if you want to earn a dollar. - Boston Rob

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