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Thread: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

  1. #961
    Peeking In Duxxy's Avatar
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    awww the unfair *mother tears* advantage

    My daughter overheard one of my daycare kids screach I hate you at his father one day .. and that dad gave in to his son's demands.. so my brilliant (I'm not biased, Honest) 2 1/2 yr old decided to try it too. She yelled * I hate you!* at me when I told her outdoor play was over and she had to come inside with the rest of us. It really hurt my feelings, eventhough I knew she didn't know what she was saying I said "that makes me really sad to hear you say that, it hurts my heart. It's a good thing I love you enough for both of us" and then I walked away from her. That was pretty much the end of that.
    but..
    School starts in September and I'm sure she'll come home with the same crap - if not worse. I'm already bracing myself. ..... we need a cringe smiley
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

  2. #962
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duxxy
    ..... we need a cringe smiley

  3. #963
    FORT Fogey Muduh's Avatar
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    My kid are 44,42 and 34. Not one of them has ever dared to tell me they hate me, to my face. Not being the "modern" parent, I have the idea that I am the boss of my house, period. No kid, no matter what age, tells me they hate me. I'm terribly sorry if doctor whoever doesn't agree, but that's the way it is here.

  4. #964
    FORT Fogey
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    At the age of around 4, you have to remember that children are still very egocentrical in their thinking and usually don't have the ability to automatically see things from another person's point of view. That is something they learn through time and experience. Hence, when he says, "I hate you," he is actually acting on his emotions, and not yours. Basically the same reasoning behind a why a young one will snatch something that belongs to someone else. They are in the here and now, thinking "I want that," not, "Mary must want that too, because she is playing with it right now," or "It will hurt her feelings if I snatch it away." (At least according to Piaget!) I also think a big part of that is to see the reaction they get. That being said, as I got older and told my mother "I hate you," she would always say, "That's ok, I love you, and you can be angry with me, you don't even have to like me right now, but you do have to respect what I tell you." I would usually tearfully "forgive her" soon after.

  5. #965
    Anarchist AJane's Avatar
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    I want to add, that I put up with my oldest's histrionics because I hear "I love you, Mommy" far more than I hear the hurtful stuff.
    All my life, I have felt destiny tugging at my sleeve.~ Thursday Next
    I don't want to "go with the flow". The flow just washes you down the drain. I want to fight the flow.- Henry Rollins
    All this spiritual talk is great and everything...but at the end of the day, there's nothing like a pair of skinny jeans. - Jillian Michaels

  6. #966
    FORT Fogey veejer's Avatar
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    This doesn't really have anything to do with my kids, but I need to vent about my neighbor's apathetic approach to yard upkeep.

    We live in middle-class suburbia and the yards are pretty much kept up. We're probably in the middle of the scale, yard mowed, flower beds weeded, but no fancy plantings.

    Our neighbor is a self described hippie-mom (meaning she's VERY laid back), divorced within the year, with daughters 14 and 10. Her approach to yard work is haphazard at best. Several years ago, she let her oldest daughter take over the flower bed on the side of their house that runs along our side yard, about 10 x 5 feet. Somehow this bed has gotten overrun with thistles, that just keep coming back. If they just stayed there, it wouldn't bother me in the least. But they bloom, spread their seeds, and then our lawn and flower beds get infested.

    Last year, my daughter helped the neighbor girl keep them somewhat under control. And this spring, my son and I did some serious weeding to help them, but it is like they don't care. They don't mind us doing it, but they don't do anything themselves.

    Now weeding thistles is one of my least favorite things. They poke and sting, and the deep tap roots are almost impossible to completely pull out. So we stopped weeding too.

    I noticed recently that the buds were close to blooming. So I took my clippers and have been cutting off the buds for a few minutes each day. I don't know if they'll send out new buds, but at least those ones won't be producing any seeds.

    Any suggestions????
    "Fish are friends, not food, but everything else is fair game." ~ Pating, Survivor Cagayan Pool

  7. #967
    Anarchist AJane's Avatar
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    A fence.

    Seriously, veejer, it doesn't sound like there's much you can do. Maybe you can do a little creative landscaping, like digging up the sod on your property alongside her flower bed and putting down some landscape tarp, and some gravel and making a rock garden of sorts?
    All my life, I have felt destiny tugging at my sleeve.~ Thursday Next
    I don't want to "go with the flow". The flow just washes you down the drain. I want to fight the flow.- Henry Rollins
    All this spiritual talk is great and everything...but at the end of the day, there's nothing like a pair of skinny jeans. - Jillian Michaels

  8. #968
    FORT Fogey
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    The woman sounds like she's so focussed on other things that she isn't really thinking of her garden right now at all, let alone the effect it has on you. My guess is that if you mentioned it to her that the problem affects you as well, maybe she might take care of it... I know gardening is the last thing on my mind most days, and I definitely have never thought about how the neighbours might feel about it... I've just always figured our neighbours must be happy considering how much better their yard looks

    So that's your Dear Abby for today....

  9. #969
    Retired! hepcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AJane
    A fence.
    No joke, that really is the best solution, unless you like weeding other people's gardens. People who don't worry about that kind of thing are oblivious to the havock they are creating. If they have a tree encroaching on your house you have a few rights, but if it's just seeds spreading, you only have the power of etiquette.

    I say a nice summer project of a lovely redwood fence.
    You've gotta hustle if you want to earn a dollar. - Boston Rob

  10. #970
    Under Investigation Tirlittan's Avatar
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    Veejer, is there anything but weeds in that flower bed now? If not, you could go innocently spraying on your side with Round Up, and ask if they want you to spray their side too, since you are at it Then suggest them to put down a few azaleas (or some other low maintenance evergreen bush), and put down landscaping fabric first (only cut holes for bushes) so the weeds can not grow.
    ps. This is just my opinion in the matter.

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