+ Reply to Thread
Like Tree12Likes

Thread: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

  1. #5601
    MRD
    MRD is offline
    FORT Fogey MRD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    somewhere resting
    Age
    52
    Posts
    16,893

    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    Burntbrat, we had a similar "friend", except, we'd invite her to do something or go somewhere as my child is an only child. I"d set it up with the parents and at the last minute they would cancel. This included theme parks as well as just going to the beach for the day. My child was always upset because it would happen at the last minute when we couldn't get another friend to go. I finally told the parents that they were hurting my child by what they were doing and they didn't speak to me either. Which I could have cared less, but they did let the kids play together, but we didn't invite her to anything else after that. It's so hard with other's kids and their parents.
    I agree with Muduh. They owed you and your son the common courtesy of calling and saying the play date was off. How horrible for your son sitting around waiting.
    You are probably best just letting them play at your house.
    However, I would have called the mom. But that's me and I don't reccomend everyone doing that. Because it doesn't always go well.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  2. #5602
    Best Buddies Gutmutter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Nap Time
    Posts
    13,441

    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    My youngest turns 18 today! I guess that means I'm legally free to move about the country.
    Count your blessings!

  3. #5603
    Premium Member burntbrat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Houston, TX
    Age
    39
    Posts
    2,311

    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    Congrats Gutmutter! FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM!!!!!! !!!!!!!
    One of these days I'll stop being sensitive. Until then, I'll continue to be devastated on a daily basis. Life breaks my heart.

  4. #5604
    MRD
    MRD is offline
    FORT Fogey MRD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    somewhere resting
    Age
    52
    Posts
    16,893

    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    Quote Originally Posted by Gutmutter;3459157;
    My youngest turns 18 today! I guess that means I'm legally free to move about the country.
    I felt that way last month. I will always feel responsible for her, but now my legal responsibility has ended, it actually felt kind of good. But also sad as she was just 3 years old yesterday, how did she get to be 18???

    Hope you guys have a fun day today. What special plans do you have?

    ETA: I also felt kind of good, like I had successfully raised her to be an adult and I hadn't screwed it up too badly. I remember my mom questioning my every move when she was a baby. Not that my mom was critical, but it made me feel like I wasn't capable of taking care of my daughter (I'm sure my mom didn't mean to make me feel that way either), but once she turned 18, I felt vindicated: "See, I COULD do it!!!".
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  5. #5605
    FORT Fogey ScoutMom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    2,054

    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    Gee, I missed that one. When my son turned 18, I never thought about freedom. I do like not having to worry about him being home alone. Somehow him being 18 just makes him more responsible (in my mind, anyhow).

  6. #5606
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Iowa
    Age
    55
    Posts
    3,566

    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    I'm not sure how many of you know of my situation, but to make a long story short, my son is fighting for custody/visitation with his youngest daughter. He is finally making some headway, and we're hoping to start getting some visits soon. The plan is to start slowly with a few day visits working up to overnights and eventually getting to the same schedule as her older sister of every other weekend, alternate holidays, etc. My son has only seen his daughter 3 times in her life. They have done everything in their power to keep her away from us. She will be a year old on June 4. Does anyone have any suggestions on how best to assimilate her into our family? I want to try to make it as easy for her as we can.
    When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "Happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life. - John Lennon

  7. #5607
    Pineapple! ClosetRTWatcher's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Groovin' with my human boom box
    Posts
    4,672

    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    Quote Originally Posted by Lil Bit;3459444;
    She will be a year old on June 4. Does anyone have any suggestions on how best to assimilate her into our family? I want to try to make it as easy for her as we can.
    I am no expert but I wouldn't think you would have to do anything ordinary, just show her lots of love!! I saw one of your other posts about how the mom's family doesn't want to leave her with your family because it would just be too "traumatic", but little kids are resilient and they adapt quickly. At that age my boys would cry and carry on when we left them at grandma's house sometimes, but by the time we came back to get them they were happy as clams. Same thing with babysitters - when people need a new daycare provider they don't have this slow and gradual process to avoid "trauma". I just don't think that at 12 months old that it would be terribly traumatic to leave her with a family that loves and wants to spend time with her. JMO.

    One thing I would avoid (both now and as she gets older) is any discussion of the other side of her family when she is around. She may not understand the conflict now, but I do think children pick up on the negativity from adults. If you can keep that type of conversation away from her then you can help shield her from the tension that exists between her two families.

  8. #5608
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Iowa
    Age
    55
    Posts
    3,566

    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    Quote Originally Posted by ClosetRTWatcher;3459527;

    One thing I would avoid (both now and as she gets older) is any discussion of the other side of her family when she is around. She may not understand the conflict now, but I do think children pick up on the negativity from adults. If you can keep that type of conversation away from her then you can help shield her from the tension that exists between her two families.
    We do this now with the older girl. I wish I could say the other side of the family was the same but after the 2 year old told my son, "mommy says you're naughty, daddy", I'm pretty sure they bash him (and us) whenever they feel like it. But, there's nothing we can do about their behavior and I've told my son that, no matter what, we are NOT going to stoop to their level, and will always talk about his ex with respect when the girls are around. That kind of behavior is the kind that will turn around and bite you in the butt someday.
    When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "Happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life. - John Lennon

  9. #5609
    Pineapple! ClosetRTWatcher's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Groovin' with my human boom box
    Posts
    4,672

    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    Quote Originally Posted by Lil Bit;3459543;
    We do this now with the older girl. I wish I could say the other side of the family was the same but after the 2 year old told my son, "mommy says you're naughty, daddy", I'm pretty sure they bash him (and us) whenever they feel like it. But, there's nothing we can do about their behavior and I've told my son that, no matter what, we are NOT going to stoop to their level, and will always talk about his ex with respect when the girls are around. That kind of behavior is the kind that will turn around and bite you in the butt someday.
    ITA. Sometimes you have to suck it up and be the "bigger person". But it still stinks when you know the other side can't show the same respect. I am a firm believer in karma - your positive behavior around the children will pay off someday!!

  10. #5610
    Premium Member burntbrat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Houston, TX
    Age
    39
    Posts
    2,311

    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    I agree that you don't need to do anything out-of-the-ordinary, Lil Bit. Her older sister will be around so she'll have a familiar face to look at. Kids aren't nearly as sensitive or fragile as we make them out to be. Just give her some ice cream and she'll be as comfortable as can be!
    One of these days I'll stop being sensitive. Until then, I'll continue to be devastated on a daily basis. Life breaks my heart.

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.