The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

[ScoutMom]

That's exactly right. If a kid doesn't have something to do, he'll FIND something to do. And that something isn't always a good thing. I believe they need some down-time to just chill, but they also need to be given something to occupy their time. For my son when he was younger, it was Scouts. That's why he's an Eagle Scout today - because he enjoyed Scouts and my husband and I supported that. His focus has now changed somewhat, and he absolutely loves lacrosse. It's hard to watch some of his games - they can get quite brutal, but he knows we're there and we support him. I feel so bad for those kids who don't have that kind of support at home. They'll latch on to whatever parent is there to talk to - it just breaks my heart.

[Google]

 

[myrosiedog]

Originally Posted by ScoutMom

That's exactly right. If a kid doesn't have something to do, he'll FIND something to do. And that something isn't always a good thing. I believe they need some down-time to just chill, but they also need to be given something to occupy their time. For my son when he was younger, it was Scouts. That's why he's an Eagle Scout today - because he enjoyed Scouts and my husband and I supported that. His focus has now changed somewhat, and he absolutely loves lacrosse. It's hard to watch some of his games - they can get quite brutal, but he knows we're there and we support him. I feel so bad for those kids who don't have that kind of support at home. They'll latch on to whatever parent is there to talk to - it just breaks my heart.

You don't know how many times this has happened to me and it's so sad. They just crave adult attention and more often than not, these are some great, funny, smart kids that I've enjoyed being around and it makes you wonder what is wrong with the parents that they don't see that and take advantage of it.

[ScoutMom]

I completely agree. A lot of people try to "get away" from the kids that latch on. I never did. Those are the kids that need you the most. Sure, they talk your ear off, but obviously, they do that because there's no one at home to listen to them. I know what that's like. When I was home for about six months after my son was born, I'd drive my husband nuts after he got home from work. I had no one to talk to all day - at least no one that answered me. I'd talk and talk and talk. So I know what it's like for these kids with no one to listen to them.

[myrosiedog]

Originally Posted by ScoutMom

I completely agree. A lot of people try to "get away" from the kids that latch on. I never did. Those are the kids that need you the most. Sure, they talk your ear off, but obviously, they do that because there's no one at home to listen to them. I know what that's like. When I was home for about six months after my son was born, I'd drive my husband nuts after he got home from work. I had no one to talk to all day - at least no one that answered me. I'd talk and talk and talk. So I know what it's like for these kids with no one to listen to them.

Oh boy, been there and done that.

I have a kid that still calls me to talk because her mother and step-father ignore her most of the time. She called the other night and it really wasn't a good time for me, but I could tell she was upset, so I listened, offered some advice and then just talked to her about school, friends, etc. for about 30 min.

We had a girl scout in my troop that was the same way. Her parents always dropped her off, never really took part in any of our activities and both me and the co-leader always found time to listen to her. She got in a lot of trouble in 9th grade and that's when her parents FINALLY stepped up to the plate, but my co-leader was still talking to her on the phone and trying to help. I'm happy to say that she's changed the things that were getting her in trouble and seems to be doing well now, but her parents still pretty much ignore her.

It's so sad and unfortunately this seems to be a fairly widespread problem. I just don't understand the parents that have kids and then don't want to be around them.

[ScoutMom]

Originally Posted by myrosiedog

I just don't understand the parents that have kids and then don't want to be around them.

I couldn't agree with this more, MRD. I truly believe that some people just aren't mean to have kids. They're a HUGE commitment and responsibility. Some people just aren't up for that. It doesn't mean they're bad people; they're just not meant to be parents.

[myrosiedog]

Originally Posted by ScoutMom

I couldn't agree with this more, MRD. I truly believe that some people just aren't mean to have kids. They're a HUGE commitment and responsibility. Some people just aren't up for that. It doesn't mean they're bad people; they're just not meant to be parents.

Yep and I happen to know someone right now with two kids that she is always trying to unload somewhere else and is now expecting number 3. I just had to shake my head because I know the first two will get even more of the short end of the stick with a new baby in the house and I have to wonder what will happen when she has 3 she doesn't want to be around.
And yet, she tries to give the appearance of being the worlds best mother and she's not.
And the first two kids went to daycare everyday until they started school and she was at home and very well have taken care of them. That was one I NEVER understood. I loved being home with my daughter and was thankful that we could swing me being able to stay home.

[ScoutMom]

It broke my heart when I had to go back to work when my son was six months old. But I had the best of both worlds - my MIL had just retired and took care of him for me. I could go to work and not worry about my son getting the care he needed and deserved, and he got to spend lots and lots of time with grandmom. They still have a very close relationship.

[Bunny555]

The kid that was my son's best friend all through grade school was one of those that you just want to wrap up and protect. He was the eldest of five and at a very young age had the responsibility of watching out for his younger brothers and sisters. He and my son haven't been as close of late as they ended up going to different high schools but we ran into him the other day when we stopped at Burger King for lunch and he happened to be behind the counter. He ran out from behind the counter to give me a hug and it was all I could do to not cry. I know that life hasn't been easy for him of late as I've heard that his Dad was recently arrested for domestic abuse on his Mom. I know that this is something that he's dealt with all of his life yet he is the sweetest, most responsible kid........I hope he can rise above what he's been dealt.

[ScoutMom]

Bunny - I'd be willing to bet that kid knows that if he ever needs anything, you're someone who will always be there. It's people like you that can make a difference in these kids lives. They may never call on you, but knowing they have that to run to if necessary, means the world to them.

[Bunny555]

Thanks ScoutMom I hope he does know that he's always welcome here. I know that he stopped coming around when things at home got really bad because he was embarassed. The last time he was here was about 3 years ago when he and my son were 13. He was just supposed to spend a Friday night with us but his parents shipped out the younger kids to various friends and went off on a biker week-end. This kid could not get in touch with them for 3 days! He stayed with us the entire time because I was not about to drop him off at home with no parent being there. It just doesn't seem fair that those who would be amazing parents sometimes can't conceive and people like this have child after child that they can't care for.