The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents - Page 529

myrosiedog · 05-15-2008, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by buglover

I've gotten that email before and it cracks me up! I always tell my son, life isn't fair learn that and deal with it! It's harsh but so true.

I used to tell my daughter that the only "fair" around here was the kinds with rides and cotton candy.

I'm a mean mom.

Duxxy, that is sad. My daughter was so scared she wouldn't get gifts, she never ever told us she had found out the truth, but some of my friends kids would say stuff to me and I'd say: "well yes there is and when you stop believing in him, he stops coming." They'd tell me why they knew he wasn't real and I would repeat the above and say: "I believe in him and he still brings me presents". The looks I got were priceless. They thought I was pulling their legs, but they weren't sure either and would tell their parents that "MRD STILL believes in Santa and she's OLD!"

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PGM35 · 05-15-2008, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duxxy

*wail* I'm so sad! M told us tonight that she 'knows about Santa Claus'. Just a in-passing sort of "I know you made him up but it's nice to get gifts".
My baby is a baby no more

Aw Duxxy - that's too bad. I'm glad I helped play Santa from Austin to help you out last year!

VeronicaBelle27 · 05-15-2008, 02:04 PM

Hello fort-ies,

Thank you for all of the great advice, this past weekend was incident-free, but I'm not foolish enough to think that I'll never have the issue again and be in need of your wise council.

Yes, BF has the horrible habit of going and yelling about whatever and disciplining her, waiting 3 minutes or so before saying he's sorry that she's crying.... I try to circumvent him by saying wait a little longer until the lesson can sink in to which he counters that she's a child. (And a child she will remain until she's a full-grown adult who acts like a child, I say... grrrrr!)

That resume is priceless!!!

Duxxy, sorry about that your baby's been informed, my big sis let me in on the news as soon as she found out, she's such a scutch.. I like MRD's quote on the subject.

MamaC · 05-15-2008, 06:07 PM

My older brother told my brother and I when we were about 5 and 6. At first we didn't believe him....mostly because we didn't WANT to believe him.

When my older kids were young, I was really annoyed when one of the neighbor girls told my kids. They were around 4 and 6. She was around 12. I just wanted them to have a few more years of that "magic". When my youngest was little, I told her older sibs that they would get nothing for Christmas if they tried to tell her about Santa.

A funny aside to the Santa stuff. When the kids were little, I always wrote "From: Santa" on all the gift tags. One year after opening all the gifts from Santa, my son said, "Hey mom, Santa treated me really good this year! BUT you and dad didn't get me anything!" Next year, I made sure that each kid got at least one gift from "Mom and Dad"!!!

buglover · 05-15-2008, 06:13 PM

Here's my parenting issue for the day. My son is required to do 75 hours of community service in order to graduate in 2010. To date he has zero hours. I put the list of community service authorized places in front of him once a month and tell him to pick one and call to see if there are available hours to be put in. He doesn't do this. He has basically 16 months of school to complete these hours along with going to school, etc. Mr buglover wants to step in and figure it out and get it set up for him. I feel he is 16 and should buck up and take care of this himself. I'm willing to take him to his service whenever needed but will not set this up for him. 2 years from now he will be an adult (according to the law) and we won't be there to bail him out of things all the time. When I was his age I had my own apartment and struggled with school and 2 jobs. I don't feel sorry for him in the slightest because I had so much more going at that age but Mr buglover thinks we should step in. I feel he won't ever learn to take responsibility if we do this for him.

myrosiedog · 05-15-2008, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VeronicaBelle27

Hello fort-ies,

Thank you for all of the great advice, this past weekend was incident-free, but I'm not foolish enough to think that I'll never have the issue again and be in need of your wise council.

Yes, BF has the horrible habit of going and yelling about whatever and disciplining her, waiting 3 minutes or so before saying he's sorry that she's crying.... I try to circumvent him by saying wait a little longer until the lesson can sink in to which he counters that she's a child. (And a child she will remain until she's a full-grown adult who acts like a child, I say... grrrrr!)

.

Interestingly enough I was chatting with a friend today about her sister who is 42 and she still acts like a child and CRIES until she gets her way whether its with her parents and siblings or at work. She's losing her job now because of this kind of behavior at work and has been crying to her sister about it and her sister told her it's because she acts like a child until she gets her way and it's not cute anymore. So the 42 year old "child" is now not speaking to her sister. I guess the truth hurts. But that is a prime example of how she was treated like that all her life and now that she's middle aged, she's losing her job because of how she acts. BTW, the parents are still alive and have, of course, taken the 42 year old sister's side of things because they ALWAYS have and they have made her the way she is today. The older sister kind of unloaded all this on me today. But I thought I would pass this along as it seemed kind of appropriate to your situation.

Buglover-absolutely should you NOT set this up for him, but maybe give him a time frame for him to set it up and explain that there will be consequences (no phone, computer, video games, grounded for a weekend, whatever) until he does it. Better to have some consequences NOW than to not graduate in 2 years and have BIG consequences for not doing it.
But he should be learning how to do things himself, you are right. Good luck

Duxxy · 05-16-2008, 12:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PGM35

Aw Duxxy - that's too bad. I'm glad I helped play Santa from Austin to help you out last year!

I appreciate that so much too PGM! She plays with that silly thing everyday! And wouldn't you know it, that diary is all over the darned place now.
I knew the day was coming when kiddo found out the truth about Santa, she's 8 now after all and I have been informed that she is a "junior adult"

This makes me laugh. Everything is "junior adult" we switched her to regular plain toothpaste (as opposed to our tooth-whitening blah blah blah one) and that is her "junior adult" toothpaste, we bought her some new dress sandals with a small heel and they are her "junior adult" high heels. She's so funny. "Mo-o-o-o-m why can't I stay up until 10pm? I'm almost an adult"
She's giving her daddy a heart attack!

I got her some cute flip flops the other day.. in the WOMEN's section, size 5! I wanted to cry. It feels like the first day of school all over again. I know she has to grow up sometime but I'm not ready for that time to be now.

Thanks for commiserating with me again guys!

Buglover I have no idea what I'd do. You absolutely want him to graduate but like you said you can't continue to do everything for him. Good luck! I know you'll make a sound decision.

burntbrat · 05-16-2008, 12:32 AM

buglover I think ensuring that your son graduates from high school is a big priority for both you and him. Instead of doing it for him, do it with him. Dial the number and give him the phone. He's never going to do it if you don't force him to. He is a teenager, not an adult, and therefore he thinks he's invincible and will keep putting it off until it's too late. I think this is too big of a deal to make a lesson out of it or turn it into a battle of wills.

femme fatale · 05-16-2008, 08:16 AM

I agree with Burntbrat, you should rather do it with him. The consequence of not graduating is major. Try and find out what he would be interested in participating in, maybe you could find a community service that he will enjoy rather than just doing it for the sake of doing it. I really don't think you should be doing all the work for him, but, as a parent, I think you have some responsibility in helping him graduating.

ScoutMom · 05-16-2008, 10:43 AM

buglover - I'm with the "do it with" group. Kids this age absolutely hate to have to reach out to people they don't know. I see it all the time in Scouts with boys having to contact merit badge counselors. That's one of the purposes of the merit badge program - to get kids used to having to deal with people they don't know. It's preparation for college and work-life. I think it's very scary for them. They're told from when they're toddlers that they shouldn't talk to strangers. So what do we want them to do now? Talk to strangers! By deciding together which organization he wants to volunteer for, helping him decide what questions he wants to ask, what he wants to say, dialing the phone for him, standing by during the call - you're showing him support and that you're always there in case he needs you.

OK, guys, here's my thing - it's prom weekend! My son is going to the prom tonight in Ocean City, NJ, which is about 50 miles from home. Seriously, why on earth would the school make arrangements for a prom so far from home??? Anyway, he's driving. They were going to get a limo (a group of 8), but even with 8 of them, it was just too expensive. So he's driving himself and his date. Then after the prom, they're going to another shore community to spend the weekend (all 8 of them). I know the kids; they're all good kids. But you know how it is - moms worry! So keep my and him in your prayers this weekend. Please?

05-15-2008, 02:04 PM	#5283
VeronicaBelle27 FORT Biscuit Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Doing a lap before I commit to a location Posts: 781	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents Hello fort-ies, Thank you for all of the great advice, this past weekend was incident-free, but I'm not foolish enough to think that I'll never have the issue again and be in need of your wise council. Yes, BF has the horrible habit of going and yelling about whatever and disciplining her, waiting 3 minutes or so before saying he's sorry that she's crying.... I try to circumvent him by saying wait a little longer until the lesson can sink in to which he counters that she's a child. (And a child she will remain until she's a full-grown adult who acts like a child, I say... grrrrr!) That resume is priceless!!! Duxxy, sorry about that your baby's been informed, my big sis let me in on the news as soon as she found out, she's such a scutch.. I like MRD's quote on the subject. __________________ Could does not mean should

05-15-2008, 06:07 PM	#5284
MamaC addicted Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: NY Age: 53 Posts: 1,545	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents My older brother told my brother and I when we were about 5 and 6. At first we didn't believe him....mostly because we didn't WANT to believe him. When my older kids were young, I was really annoyed when one of the neighbor girls told my kids. They were around 4 and 6. She was around 12. I just wanted them to have a few more years of that "magic". When my youngest was little, I told her older sibs that they would get nothing for Christmas if they tried to tell her about Santa. A funny aside to the Santa stuff. When the kids were little, I always wrote "From: Santa" on all the gift tags. One year after opening all the gifts from Santa, my son said, "Hey mom, Santa treated me really good this year! BUT you and dad didn't get me anything!" Next year, I made sure that each kid got at least one gift from "Mom and Dad"!!!

05-15-2008, 06:13 PM	#5285
buglover Praying for my buddy. Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: CA Age: 35 Posts: 9,636 Blog Entries: 4	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents Here's my parenting issue for the day. My son is required to do 75 hours of community service in order to graduate in 2010. To date he has zero hours. I put the list of community service authorized places in front of him once a month and tell him to pick one and call to see if there are available hours to be put in. He doesn't do this. He has basically 16 months of school to complete these hours along with going to school, etc. Mr buglover wants to step in and figure it out and get it set up for him. I feel he is 16 and should buck up and take care of this himself. I'm willing to take him to his service whenever needed but will not set this up for him. 2 years from now he will be an adult (according to the law) and we won't be there to bail him out of things all the time. When I was his age I had my own apartment and struggled with school and 2 jobs. I don't feel sorry for him in the slightest because I had so much more going at that age but Mr buglover thinks we should step in. I feel he won't ever learn to take responsibility if we do this for him. __________________ Roasting in the California Sun.

05-16-2008, 12:32 AM	#5288
burntbrat Forum Assistant Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Houston, TX Age: 33 Posts: 2,033 Blog Entries: 3	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents buglover I think ensuring that your son graduates from high school is a big priority for both you and him. Instead of doing it for him, do it with him. Dial the number and give him the phone. He's never going to do it if you don't force him to. He is a teenager, not an adult, and therefore he thinks he's invincible and will keep putting it off until it's too late. I think this is too big of a deal to make a lesson out of it or turn it into a battle of wills. __________________ You know what they say... fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, ssttrriikke three.

05-16-2008, 08:16 AM	#5289
femme fatale Thinking Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: In a world of my own Age: 26 Posts: 2,410	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents I agree with Burntbrat, you should rather do it with him. The consequence of not graduating is major. Try and find out what he would be interested in participating in, maybe you could find a community service that he will enjoy rather than just doing it for the sake of doing it. I really don't think you should be doing all the work for him, but, as a parent, I think you have some responsibility in helping him graduating.

05-16-2008, 10:43 AM	#5290
ScoutMom FORT Fogey Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: New Jersey Posts: 1,828	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents buglover - I'm with the "do it with" group. Kids this age absolutely hate to have to reach out to people they don't know. I see it all the time in Scouts with boys having to contact merit badge counselors. That's one of the purposes of the merit badge program - to get kids used to having to deal with people they don't know. It's preparation for college and work-life. I think it's very scary for them. They're told from when they're toddlers that they shouldn't talk to strangers. So what do we want them to do now? Talk to strangers! By deciding together which organization he wants to volunteer for, helping him decide what questions he wants to ask, what he wants to say, dialing the phone for him, standing by during the call - you're showing him support and that you're always there in case he needs you. OK, guys, here's my thing - it's prom weekend! My son is going to the prom tonight in Ocean City, NJ, which is about 50 miles from home. Seriously, why on earth would the school make arrangements for a prom so far from home??? Anyway, he's driving. They were going to get a limo (a group of 8), but even with 8 of them, it was just too expensive. So he's driving himself and his date. Then after the prom, they're going to another shore community to spend the weekend (all 8 of them). I know the kids; they're all good kids. But you know how it is - moms worry! So keep my and him in your prayers this weekend. Please?