The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents - Page 527

VeronicaBelle27 · 05-08-2008, 04:11 PM

DGFMom here and in a pickle, any moms want to put in their opinions???

So, BF's almost-5-year-old has picked up an interesting habit... She's been sneaking off her seatbelt while we're driving... Both times we pulled right over and told her NEVER EVER to do that again, she must wait until someone comes around to help her... But I'm terrified she'll do it when we're alone and I won't catch her... Both times I was the one yelling loudest and carrying on the longest (BF is a softspoken, tell'em once and leave it be type), and I'm scared to overstep my boundaries, but this is SERIOUS!

I've talked to my sister, aunts, friends with children of varying ages, all how have pulled Mom-rank on the issue when it has come up, and never had to deal with it again... I don't have that luxury....

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schmoo2 · 05-08-2008, 04:37 PM

I think it would be hard for you to pull the mom-rank. but I would definitely pull the GF rank. Sounds like your BF needs to take control of the situation. If his tell em once didn't take, he needs to come down hard for her own safety's sake.

myrosiedog · 05-08-2008, 05:08 PM

I don't think you need to pull the mom or GF rank, but the ADULT rank. This is a serious safety issue and the child needs to know that, no matter who it is that is in the car. I've pulled that on my friends children: put on the seatbelt and leave it on or I am going to take you home. NOW!

Whether you are this kids mom or the GF of her father, you are an adult and as such you should be accorded some "rank" as an adult in certain situations, safety being the first and foremost of those.

I pull "rank" on all kinds of children and I only have one of my own. I pulled rank in the museum this morning during a tour when some kids got rowdy and were climbing on one of the exhibits.

I'm old school, but I believe that children should have respect for all adults regardless of their relationship to them. And should be expected to listen and do what certain adults tell them too. You certainly qualify as one of those adults.

I know that when I've heard from friends kids: "you're not the boss of me", that I have stopped them right in their tracks and said: "well, your mother is not here and therefore, at this time, I AM the boss of you, so put your seatbelt on and do it now".

VeronicaBelle27 · 05-08-2008, 05:17 PM

I love that MRD!! I know, and I did, but I'm afraid for it to happen again, I lost it last time and had to totally rein myself in... We yelled, he climebed over the seat to help her as she did what she was told, then she cried for an interminable amount of time... He tried to be nice saying, I'm sorry, but Daddy needs you to be safe, you understand? You are not to EVER do that AGAIN.... I just couldn't speak for a long time...

She has a much older sister that I think she got the idea from, but neither of us could say anything about that, so are ignoring that aspect of it and treating it like it is her own idea...

Oh boy...all my neices, nephews and godchildren are all rank and file -- AuntBelle is the BOSS and she's STRICT.... but I'm in such a pesky situation here... I freaked out (as per usual) we'll see if it made a difference. Thanks to Schmoo, too.

buglover · 05-08-2008, 05:19 PM

It's so hard when they aren't our kids. I have issues with my DHs kids but will never say anything unless they do it to me or disrespect him in front of me. If it's the law, it's the law period. I yell at them for putting their feet up on my seats in the car because it's my car, my rules!

VeronicaBelle27 · 05-08-2008, 05:27 PM

I know buglover!!! I do that with "drinks in the backseat" and "throwing toys around the living room"... It does not happen in my car, it doesn't happen in my home... I don't care what kind of slob and hooligan you are with your mother.

How old are your stepchildren, and how long have you been together, if I might ask?

buglover · 05-08-2008, 05:28 PM

I have my own son to wreck my stuff!

myrosiedog · 05-08-2008, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VeronicaBelle27

I love that MRD!! I know, and I did, but I'm afraid for it to happen again, I lost it last time and had to totally rein myself in... We yelled, he climebed over the seat to help her as she did what she was told, then she cried for an interminable amount of time... He tried to be nice saying, I'm sorry, but Daddy needs you to be safe, you understand? You are not to EVER do that AGAIN.... I just couldn't speak for a long time...

She has a much older sister that I think she got the idea from, but neither of us could say anything about that, so are ignoring that aspect of it and treating it like it is her own idea...

Oh boy...all my neices, nephews and godchildren are all rank and file -- AuntBelle is the BOSS and she's STRICT.... but I'm in such a pesky situation here... I freaked out (as per usual) we'll see if it made a difference. Thanks to Schmoo, too.

I'm also of the school that doesn't believe in apologizing in this situation. The child needs to understand that this is SERIOUS. If she's upset, then maybe it will sink in. But having her father apologize is not something that helps. In my own opinion, for whatever that is worth.

To me there are just certain issues, safety being number one, where the adults should take charge and n ot apologize for anything. This is life and death. Not that a 5 year old really understands that, but you need to sometimes be, um, shall we say: forceful in certain situations and not apologize for them.

VeronicaBelle27 · 05-08-2008, 05:35 PM

BL: Heh, that's priceless....

The other day I was chastised a bit for not allowing the child to bring the balloon in the house... So I fired back, okay, WHEN she breaks something, I hope it's yours!!!!!

MRD, he always apologizes for yelling once she cries, I've told him countless times that that is taking a step backwards in any situation, and any advancement made by the yelling will only have to be made again..... I've gotten that sentiment part-way sunken in, will continue to work at it until it's embedded in there.

Now then, I've got to log off, but will be back tomorrow, hoping to bolster up for THIS weekend. Thanks, guys...

veejer · 05-08-2008, 05:38 PM

It doesn't matter who, kids or adults, are riding in my vehicle, it doesn't move until everyone is buckled up. My kids or anyone else's. My car, my responsibility, my rules.

Before the days of child safety locks, my daughter opened the car door while we were moving when she was about 4. I'll have to ask her if she still remembers the chewing out that she got.

Fortunately we were only going 25 in a residential neighborhood.

05-08-2008, 04:11 PM	#5261
VeronicaBelle27 FORT Biscuit Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Doing a lap before I commit to a location Posts: 787	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents DGFMom here and in a pickle, any moms want to put in their opinions??? So, BF's almost-5-year-old has picked up an interesting habit... She's been sneaking off her seatbelt while we're driving... Both times we pulled right over and told her NEVER EVER to do that again, she must wait until someone comes around to help her... But I'm terrified she'll do it when we're alone and I won't catch her... Both times I was the one yelling loudest and carrying on the longest (BF is a softspoken, tell'em once and leave it be type), and I'm scared to overstep my boundaries, but this is SERIOUS! I've talked to my sister, aunts, friends with children of varying ages, all how have pulled Mom-rank on the issue when it has come up, and never had to deal with it again... I don't have that luxury.... __________________ Could does not mean should

05-08-2008, 04:37 PM	#5262
schmoo2 ... Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 1,821	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents I think it would be hard for you to pull the mom-rank. but I would definitely pull the GF rank. Sounds like your BF needs to take control of the situation. If his tell em once didn't take, he needs to come down hard for her own safety's sake.

05-08-2008, 05:08 PM	#5263
myrosiedog FORT Fogey Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: In National Championship Land! Florida Gators #1 Age: 46 Posts: 12,078 Blog Entries: 7	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents I don't think you need to pull the mom or GF rank, but the ADULT rank. This is a serious safety issue and the child needs to know that, no matter who it is that is in the car. I've pulled that on my friends children: put on the seatbelt and leave it on or I am going to take you home. NOW! Whether you are this kids mom or the GF of her father, you are an adult and as such you should be accorded some "rank" as an adult in certain situations, safety being the first and foremost of those. I pull "rank" on all kinds of children and I only have one of my own. I pulled rank in the museum this morning during a tour when some kids got rowdy and were climbing on one of the exhibits. I'm old school, but I believe that children should have respect for all adults regardless of their relationship to them. And should be expected to listen and do what certain adults tell them too. You certainly qualify as one of those adults. I know that when I've heard from friends kids: "you're not the boss of me", that I have stopped them right in their tracks and said: "well, your mother is not here and therefore, at this time, I AM the boss of you, so put your seatbelt on and do it now". __________________ Emancipate yourself from mental slavery; none but ourselves can free our minds. - Bob Marley Que me amat, amet et canem meum (Who loves me will love my dog also)

05-08-2008, 05:17 PM	#5264
VeronicaBelle27 FORT Biscuit Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Doing a lap before I commit to a location Posts: 787	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents I love that MRD!! I know, and I did, but I'm afraid for it to happen again, I lost it last time and had to totally rein myself in... We yelled, he climebed over the seat to help her as she did what she was told, then she cried for an interminable amount of time... He tried to be nice saying, I'm sorry, but Daddy needs you to be safe, you understand? You are not to EVER do that AGAIN.... I just couldn't speak for a long time... She has a much older sister that I think she got the idea from, but neither of us could say anything about that, so are ignoring that aspect of it and treating it like it is her own idea... Oh boy...all my neices, nephews and godchildren are all rank and file -- AuntBelle is the BOSS and she's STRICT.... but I'm in such a pesky situation here... I freaked out (as per usual) we'll see if it made a difference. Thanks to Schmoo, too. __________________ Could does not mean should Last edited by VeronicaBelle27; 05-08-2008 at 05:24 PM.

05-08-2008, 05:19 PM	#5265
buglover Dreaming..... Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: CA Age: 35 Posts: 10,127 Blog Entries: 4	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents It's so hard when they aren't our kids. I have issues with my DHs kids but will never say anything unless they do it to me or disrespect him in front of me. If it's the law, it's the law period. I yell at them for putting their feet up on my seats in the car because it's my car, my rules! __________________ Here's to a better year in 2009!

05-08-2008, 05:27 PM	#5266
VeronicaBelle27 FORT Biscuit Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Doing a lap before I commit to a location Posts: 787	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents I know buglover!!! I do that with "drinks in the backseat" and "throwing toys around the living room"... It does not happen in my car, it doesn't happen in my home... I don't care what kind of slob and hooligan you are with your mother. How old are your stepchildren, and how long have you been together, if I might ask? __________________ Could does not mean should

05-08-2008, 05:28 PM	#5267
buglover Dreaming..... Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: CA Age: 35 Posts: 10,127 Blog Entries: 4	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents I have my own son to wreck my stuff! __________________ Here's to a better year in 2009!

05-08-2008, 05:35 PM	#5269
VeronicaBelle27 FORT Biscuit Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Doing a lap before I commit to a location Posts: 787	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents BL: Heh, that's priceless.... The other day I was chastised a bit for not allowing the child to bring the balloon in the house... So I fired back, okay, WHEN she breaks something, I hope it's yours!!!!! MRD, he always apologizes for yelling once she cries, I've told him countless times that that is taking a step backwards in any situation, and any advancement made by the yelling will only have to be made again..... I've gotten that sentiment part-way sunken in, will continue to work at it until it's embedded in there. Now then, I've got to log off, but will be back tomorrow, hoping to bolster up for THIS weekend. Thanks, guys... __________________ Could does not mean should Last edited by VeronicaBelle27; 05-08-2008 at 05:39 PM.

05-08-2008, 05:38 PM	#5270
veejer Waiting for Wylie... Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: ...the Walleye to drop in Port Clinton, Ohio Posts: 3,038	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents It doesn't matter who, kids or adults, are riding in my vehicle, it doesn't move until everyone is buckled up. My kids or anyone else's. My car, my responsibility, my rules. Before the days of child safety locks, my daughter opened the car door while we were moving when she was about 4. I'll have to ask her if she still remembers the chewing out that she got. Fortunately we were only going 25 in a residential neighborhood. __________________ Check out the madness at: http://www.walleyemadness.com/