The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

[gabriel]

Originally Posted by DesertRose

I know many of you have talked about a wonderful book for teaching little/young girls about their body. I think it was American Girl. Is there anything equivalent for a little boy?

Amazon.com: What's Happening to My Body? Book for Boys : A Growing Up Guide for Parents and Sons: Lynda Madaras,Area Madaras,Simon Sullivan,Jackie Aher,Martin Anderson: Books

Are you looking for something like this?

If so I googled boys body book and a bunch of hits came up...

And at Target online:
boys-body-book : Target Search Results

Theres a few on the page..

[Google]

 

[buglover]

So I had a talk with my son the other night about his father. I said I really need you to understand that you need to prepare yourself for him to not assist you in your college adventures. He asked me if I was trying to turn him against him. I said no. I realize you love your father, and he does love you, but in the long run let's be realistic. He's never come to school functions, never picked up the phone to just say hi, never offered to help out financially more than he is required to by the court and now has 2 kids, a wife, 2 cars and a house to pay for. I told my son I just don't want him to be disappointed. He's going to have to work for what he wants (which I did so it's not that bad) and to really never expect anything, that way anything he gets would be a bonus. For 15 years I have protected him from being hurt by his father. I feel that he is almost 16 years old and should now understand that the one person who has always been there for him is me. I have never put my own needs before his. I am always on his side.....I'm hoping that he doesn't get too hurt by his father. I guess time will tell but he understands my point and says he will keep it in mind. It's so hard to watch when my DH calls his kids nightly to speak with them about their days, my son will leave the room. I try to give him space but love him unconditionally so he knows he can count on us always.

[Duxxy]

Your little guy is growing into a man and you can't protect him forever. This talk was probably very hard on you but sometimes you really do have to 'be cruel to be kind' (/in the right measure).
Having to work for and earn his future will only make him stronger, leading to success.
Sometimes parenting can stink.

[buglover]

Amen Duxxy. That subject has been the hardest thing for me to talk with him about. In time, we'll see what happens.

[Mimzy]

Try Breeze. It is made from almonds. Very good - much better then soy milk. The original flavor is good as is the chocolate. But the vanilla is gross. IMO Check your health food store or health section for this product.

[Gutmutter]

My youngest turns 17 next month. She still has another year before college, but that is always the hallmark I use mentally because I was 17 when I went to college on the other side of the country (AZ) where I didn't know anyone and I managed just fine and had a blast with my independence. Didn't make all good choices, but didn't have too harsh consequences either. I was something of a wild child, though, and none of my kids are as bad as I was (as far as I know). Still, it is a sit up and take notice time for me.

[myrosiedog]

ABC has done a segment on snooping on your kids. Well it's snooping versus trust.
They talked to a couple moms and then did an online poll. Most of the mom's said to snoop.

I have never snooped. We have always given our child a lot of trust and have ALWAYS, ALWAYS talked to her and feel like we can trust her and respect her by not invading her privacy. And I can say that for US it has worked out very, very well.

I fully remember her coming to me to tell me that her best friends parents had read the friends diary and that the friend had never given them any reason to distrust her and how upset my daughter was over that. We talked quite a bit about trust and privacy and it was a good learning lesson for my daughter. She knows we don't snoop and she still comes to us and talks about all kinds of things. Even the hard subjects like sex and drugs and drinking. It bothers her when she finds out her friends are into that and she has always confided in us about this and I'm so glad. I do feel that she is being honest with us, so we have no reason to be snoopy.

But I maintain that if you want trust, you have to start out with it from the beginning and mutual respect. You can't suddenly switch courses when they are 13.

Now, if for any reason I suspected my daughter was doing something dangerous, we'd talk first and if I wasn't satisfied, then I might snoop.

But what do you guys think?

Trust or snooping????
I thought it was a great topic for discussion.

[gabriel]

Just what you posted. Talk and then if something is nagging - snoop.

[schmoo2]

That is my feeling also. You have to trust your children and develop that in them as much as possible. But when signs are there and your gut says you need to snoop to protect them - then you must do so.
I always perferred my children knowing they could come and talk to me about life and their situations. However, when my daughter became sneaky and known lies were being tossed around - it was time to see what was going on.
Not that it truly helped much. Confrontation sometimes doesn't help either. But at least you know enough to be there to pick up the pieces and be supportive when they are ready to reach out again.

[Gutmutter]

Well, I did a little unintentional snooping (cleaning my daughter's room and bringing down dirty towels and dishes) and found beer. I had no idea and was surprised as heck. I would never have gone looking for it.