The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents - Page 508

Melitta · 02-12-2008, 02:06 PM

I need some other parents point of views here. A little girl moved into our neighborhood a few months ago, FINALLY a little girl for my daughter to play with. I have met the mom and she explained that the daughter is home schooled, because they travel quite frequently for her work and that she usually works nights when she is in town. Fine. The girls have become friends and love to spend time with each other when the other little girl is in town. The more I started to think about the mom's job and the fact that daddy stays home, I began to wonder if she was an exotic dancer. I couldn't quit figure in all the traveling though. Well, I asked the little girl last night what her mom did for work. She tells me, "She's a dancer, she gets all naked and stuff at such and such club, we travel for her work too." I thought, OK, I was right. So, nosey me has to see if I can find info. on the mom. Kinda wish I hadn't. I really try to have the attitude, "To each his own as long as they keep it to their own." But, I have to admit that I am a little concerned of what my daughter may find out. This lady has a web site that is full nudity and girl on girl. She is an exotic pole dancer and travels the country doing this. Anyone have any thoughts on this? I don't have any intentions of telling my daughter that she can't play with this little girl. My question is how do I handle this if my daughter starts asking questions about the mom's work??

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DesertRose · 02-12-2008, 03:58 PM

If both children like to hang out together, I don't see how the mother's profession plays a role in that. If your daughter asks, the girls mom is a dancer. There are different types of dancers, no need to elaborate.

Melitta · 02-12-2008, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DesertRose

If both children like to hang out together, I don't see how the mother's profession plays a role in that. If your daughter asks, the girls mom is a dancer. There are different types of dancers, no need to elaborate.

Except that the little girl will not hesitate to tell you her mom is a nude dancer. I am a little concerned on what the little girl will tell my daughter, if my daughter were to ask her questions about it. I guess I could talk to the mom, but from what I am gathering, they don't really want anyone to know (in our neighborhood) what she does for a living. I am just confused on how to talk to my daughter about the whole situation if it should come up. It is hard to explain. I could careless what the mom does, as long as it doesn't hurt the kids. But on the other hand, I don't want my daughter thinking that I would be OK with her doing something like that. See? Now I seem like I am judging the mom. Crap, I think I will just cross my fingers and hope we don't have to have a conversation about it.

myrosiedog · 02-12-2008, 06:55 PM

Exotic dancing is not an illegal job. While most wouldn't do it, some do and its a legal job.

I would just let it go until your daughter asks and then just give her enough info for her age.

My daughter has had 2 friends in the past who's mothers were exotic dancers. I knew both mothers well and thought very highly of them. Had known them for quite some time when I found out what they did. Did it change things? No, actually by that time, I knew them well enough that I thought they were responible, nice people and both treated my daughter very, very well. I admit I was surprised, but after I got over my initial shock, I didn't think it would interfere in my friendship with them or in my daughter's friendship with their daughters. One was also a Girl Scout leader. Neither had anything in their home and both managed to keep it from their own kids for quite some time. I can't remember if or when m y daughter ever found out about them though.
But, both were single parents trying to make ends meet which is why they told me they did it.

If your daughter asks, tell her that there are a lot of different kinds of dancers and some do what friends mom does and some do ballet and some jazz. I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. Unless it makes you uncomfortable. Then talk to the mom, she might not like the fact her daughter is the one telling this around.

Duxxy · 02-13-2008, 12:58 AM

Melitta this might be a case of 'don't ask, don't tell'. If your little one is interested at all (probably not because adults are so lame and boring, or so I was told earlier today.) then you'll give her only the information that she needs and remind her that she can always ask you anything.
As for the stripper - my husband worked in a strip club and I worked in the bookstore in the same building as the strip club (which is where we met - my bookstore, not the strip club!) Because of proxcimity (and the fact that we sold cigarettes and gum) I also met many of the dancers. The truth is with most of these girls the job (and it is a JOB) is not permanent, it's a means to an end and the money is fantastic.
I've met nurses putting themselves through university, an environmental engineer that was doing it as a summer job for kicks, single mom that only worked week nights to make ends meet at home and the list goes on. Mixed in with that same group however are the junkie, prostituting, porn star wanna-bes but you know them to see them (their skin is usually the tip off)
If you're really uncomfortable you can make all of the play dates for your house, then you are on hand if questions or inappropriate conversations come up.
The woman probably doesn't bring her work home with her if she is leading a family life and it's doubtful that your girl will ever see her website.
I agree with MRD, the mom may not know that her daughter is telling 'outsiders' what mom does for a living.

That may be a sticky situation too.. how do you broach the subject?? "hey I hear that you're a nude dancer!" Yikes!

myrosiedog · 02-13-2008, 01:26 PM

Ok, so my daughter will be 17 in 2 months and I asked her last night about the girl scout leader mom and she had NO clue. She was surprised to find out that she had been a dancer (she hasn't danced in years). So my daughter met this woman and has been friends with the daughter for almost 9 years and in all that time never, ever knew, until I opened MY big mouth about it last night. So its possible that your child may never find out.

And Duxxy is right a lot of people do it to make ends meet. My friend was a single mom and couldn't get child support from her ex at the time. Her aged and ill mother also lived with her, so she was trying to support 2 children and a sick mother and this was the only way she could make enough money to do it. She quit once she no longer had the need to make that kind of money.

Melitta · 02-13-2008, 05:20 PM

Yes, I have come to the conclusion that I will just let it ride and see if my daughter ever brings anything up. I told my husband, "Well, little Melitta hasn't come home saying they have a pole in the middle of the living room, so I guess that is a good thing." I am guessing that the mom danced to put herself through school and then kept at it for the money. Her web site states she has an associates degree and belong to a sorority. Talking to her you can tell she is intelligent. Like I said before I kind of figured she was a dancer, I guess what shocked me is the web site, the content of the web site and how easy it was to find it. I have known dancers before and they did keep things on the down low. Then again, she isn't just a dancer, she is also posing nude for posters and selling them. And ya know, my daughter, who's 7, may not even think anything of it, if she was to find out. I still hopes she doesn't though!

veejer · 02-26-2008, 05:23 PM

My college freshman and I made this snowlady this morning. It is hard to see in the photo, but she has ornamental grass for hair.

lildago · 02-26-2008, 09:13 PM

Cute, veej!

The grass is a nice touch.

buglover · 02-27-2008, 02:16 AM

Well my 15 year old son has lost his game console again for his attitude. This is the strongest I think I've ever been. For the first 3 days he tried so hard to treat me like crap and give me the guilt trip of the century but I just told him "The only way you will get it back is by consistently doing your chores, being nice and keeping up your homework. Not for a week so you can get your toy back and then go back to the old way. I will decide when you get it back so stop asking me for it." lol I think he may have given up on trying to get it back but at least he's being nicer to me.....

02-12-2008, 02:06 PM	#5071
Melitta FORT Fanatic Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Texas Posts: 419	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents I need some other parents point of views here. A little girl moved into our neighborhood a few months ago, FINALLY a little girl for my daughter to play with. I have met the mom and she explained that the daughter is home schooled, because they travel quite frequently for her work and that she usually works nights when she is in town. Fine. The girls have become friends and love to spend time with each other when the other little girl is in town. The more I started to think about the mom's job and the fact that daddy stays home, I began to wonder if she was an exotic dancer. I couldn't quit figure in all the traveling though. Well, I asked the little girl last night what her mom did for work. She tells me, "She's a dancer, she gets all naked and stuff at such and such club, we travel for her work too." I thought, OK, I was right. So, nosey me has to see if I can find info. on the mom. Kinda wish I hadn't. I really try to have the attitude, "To each his own as long as they keep it to their own." But, I have to admit that I am a little concerned of what my daughter may find out. This lady has a web site that is full nudity and girl on girl. She is an exotic pole dancer and travels the country doing this. Anyone have any thoughts on this? I don't have any intentions of telling my daughter that she can't play with this little girl. My question is how do I handle this if my daughter starts asking questions about the mom's work?? __________________ Play by the rules, you will miss all the fun! Toby Keith, Jacky Don Tucker

02-12-2008, 03:58 PM	#5072
DesertRose When coffee just won't do Join Date: May 2005 Location: Reno hell Posts: 3,325	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents If both children like to hang out together, I don't see how the mother's profession plays a role in that. If your daughter asks, the girls mom is a dancer. There are different types of dancers, no need to elaborate.

02-12-2008, 06:55 PM	#5074
myrosiedog FORT Fogey Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Somewhere way South of the North Pole Age: 46 Posts: 11,631 Blog Entries: 7	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents Exotic dancing is not an illegal job. While most wouldn't do it, some do and its a legal job. I would just let it go until your daughter asks and then just give her enough info for her age. My daughter has had 2 friends in the past who's mothers were exotic dancers. I knew both mothers well and thought very highly of them. Had known them for quite some time when I found out what they did. Did it change things? No, actually by that time, I knew them well enough that I thought they were responible, nice people and both treated my daughter very, very well. I admit I was surprised, but after I got over my initial shock, I didn't think it would interfere in my friendship with them or in my daughter's friendship with their daughters. One was also a Girl Scout leader. Neither had anything in their home and both managed to keep it from their own kids for quite some time. I can't remember if or when m y daughter ever found out about them though. But, both were single parents trying to make ends meet which is why they told me they did it. If your daughter asks, tell her that there are a lot of different kinds of dancers and some do what friends mom does and some do ballet and some jazz. I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. Unless it makes you uncomfortable. Then talk to the mom, she might not like the fact her daughter is the one telling this around. __________________ Yes we can, Yes we DID!! President Elect Barack Obama. Que me amat, amet et canem meum (Who loves me will love my dog also)

02-13-2008, 12:58 AM	#5075
Duxxy Wash your damn hands Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: looking for a deal on evilBay Posts: 5,318	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents Melitta this might be a case of 'don't ask, don't tell'. If your little one is interested at all (probably not because adults are so lame and boring, or so I was told earlier today.) then you'll give her only the information that she needs and remind her that she can always ask you anything. As for the stripper - my husband worked in a strip club and I worked in the bookstore in the same building as the strip club (which is where we met - my bookstore, not the strip club!) Because of proxcimity (and the fact that we sold cigarettes and gum) I also met many of the dancers. The truth is with most of these girls the job (and it is a JOB) is not permanent, it's a means to an end and the money is fantastic. I've met nurses putting themselves through university, an environmental engineer that was doing it as a summer job for kicks, single mom that only worked week nights to make ends meet at home and the list goes on. Mixed in with that same group however are the junkie, prostituting, porn star wanna-bes but you know them to see them (their skin is usually the tip off) If you're really uncomfortable you can make all of the play dates for your house, then you are on hand if questions or inappropriate conversations come up. The woman probably doesn't bring her work home with her if she is leading a family life and it's doubtful that your girl will ever see her website. I agree with MRD, the mom may not know that her daughter is telling 'outsiders' what mom does for a living. That may be a sticky situation too.. how do you broach the subject?? "hey I hear that you're a nude dancer!" Yikes! __________________ Wash Your Hands!! Keep the world healthy.

02-13-2008, 01:26 PM	#5076
myrosiedog FORT Fogey Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Somewhere way South of the North Pole Age: 46 Posts: 11,631 Blog Entries: 7	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents Ok, so my daughter will be 17 in 2 months and I asked her last night about the girl scout leader mom and she had NO clue. She was surprised to find out that she had been a dancer (she hasn't danced in years). So my daughter met this woman and has been friends with the daughter for almost 9 years and in all that time never, ever knew, until I opened MY big mouth about it last night. So its possible that your child may never find out. And Duxxy is right a lot of people do it to make ends meet. My friend was a single mom and couldn't get child support from her ex at the time. Her aged and ill mother also lived with her, so she was trying to support 2 children and a sick mother and this was the only way she could make enough money to do it. She quit once she no longer had the need to make that kind of money. __________________ Yes we can, Yes we DID!! President Elect Barack Obama. Que me amat, amet et canem meum (Who loves me will love my dog also)

02-13-2008, 05:20 PM	#5077
Melitta FORT Fanatic Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Texas Posts: 419	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents Yes, I have come to the conclusion that I will just let it ride and see if my daughter ever brings anything up. I told my husband, "Well, little Melitta hasn't come home saying they have a pole in the middle of the living room, so I guess that is a good thing." I am guessing that the mom danced to put herself through school and then kept at it for the money. Her web site states she has an associates degree and belong to a sorority. Talking to her you can tell she is intelligent. Like I said before I kind of figured she was a dancer, I guess what shocked me is the web site, the content of the web site and how easy it was to find it. I have known dancers before and they did keep things on the down low. Then again, she isn't just a dancer, she is also posing nude for posters and selling them. And ya know, my daughter, who's 7, may not even think anything of it, if she was to find out. I still hopes she doesn't though! __________________ Play by the rules, you will miss all the fun! Toby Keith, Jacky Don Tucker

02-26-2008, 05:23 PM	#5078
veejer FORT Fogey Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 3,038	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents My college freshman and I made this snowlady this morning. It is hard to see in the photo, but she has ornamental grass for hair. Attached Thumbnails __________________ Hmmmm.......

02-26-2008, 09:13 PM	#5079
lildago Triple Dog Dare Ya Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 9,678	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents Cute, veej! The grass is a nice touch. __________________ These dreams are not of sand.

02-27-2008, 02:16 AM	#5080
buglover Praying for my buddy. Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: CA Age: 35 Posts: 9,636 Blog Entries: 4	Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents Well my 15 year old son has lost his game console again for his attitude. This is the strongest I think I've ever been. For the first 3 days he tried so hard to treat me like crap and give me the guilt trip of the century but I just told him "The only way you will get it back is by consistently doing your chores, being nice and keeping up your homework. Not for a week so you can get your toy back and then go back to the old way. I will decide when you get it back so stop asking me for it." lol I think he may have given up on trying to get it back but at least he's being nicer to me..... __________________ Roasting in the California Sun.