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Thread: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

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    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    Maybe you could use it as a learning experience. Let her get the toy with her money, but any computer time could be done together - and explaining to her your feelings about 'gambling' and on line 'addiction' (in words that a child would understand).
    Maybe she would even become a voice of reason to her friends - but she would not feel so left out.

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    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    I'm all for letting her earn one, also. To her it isn't about gambling, and this is a great opportunity for you to help her learn those limits, but to me it's more about fitting in with what is "normal" with your peers. I see enough students whose parents don't let them eat sugar, watch tv, whatever and it is painful to see them outcasts through no fault of their own. My niece has waaaay too many Webkinz. I've been on the site and know there are some fun games that don't involve gambling. So like others have said, let her know how much you appreciate how mature she's being, let her earn one, and then teach her which games you approve of and why. What a good girl.
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    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    My kids have webkinz, hepcat. They have three or four each. But I know some kids that are trying to collect them all and have 30 or more. It was my understanding that the kinz cash wasn't real cash, just virtual money that they can spend on their pet online. So they have little houses and can buy furnishings and clothes and throw parties and that kind of thing. My kids spent a lot of time at first on the webkinz site, but then they eventually got tired of it and found something new. I don't think either one has been on the webkinz site in 6 months, and one of them didn't even redeem the code on the last webkinz she got for her birthday. Plus the webkinz are pretty cheap as far as presents go. Maybe if you just maintain the time limit on the computer and tell her no slot game? This is also a golden opportunity for you to be a hero and teach her about saving. If she wants one so bad, she'll save up and know how it feels to work towards a reward.

    ETA: I actually had a question to ask, too. My 11-year-old daughter asked if she could start posting on a message board last month. I checked it out and it seemed harmless. The posters were kids her age (or so they say) and the subject matter is about drawing anime. I of course warned her that I would be checking it and told her not to ever post anything personal. So I checked it yesterday and she has been lying, lying, lying. That's not what I meant about not posting anything personal. Apparently now she's 14, she got a brand new red razr phone (no way would I let her have a cell phone yet), she has a cat and she likes to drink grande white mochas from Starbucks. There are other lies too but that's all I remember. While I think it's funny and I'm glad she hasn't posted anything that would lead a predator to her, I also don't want her to get into the habit of making up her life so it sounds better. She has a pretty damn good life. I also found little tidbits of truth, like I know who she has a crush on at school. Now I don't know whether to forbid her from message boards again or just warn her about how lying can catch up to her. Plus I kind of like peeking into her world a bit. What would you do?
    Last edited by burntbrat; 01-16-2008 at 10:26 AM.
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    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    Thanks for the advice, it really helped me. I think it is more about fitting in with her peers at this point (and of course there is one girl who tries to make her feel bad about not having things, this is only the latest) so I'm going to talk to her about earning one.

    Burntbrat, wow - it's great that she obeyed you literally, but it's kind of funny to see what her fantasy life would be like (Starbucks?). Is this the kind of message board where she mostly doesn't know everyone but maybe has one or two friends in real life who use it to? It could be that they're making up this stuff together and playing on the virtual site. The only reason I say that is because I had a friend whose daughter was doing that on a message board with a few of her friends, and they did take it too far when they got mad at another girl and posted a picture of her with her phone number. Something about the anonymity makes them feel like they can post anything and get away with it. It started with the kind of posting you described, just wild exaggerations - they would call each other on the phone while they were posting.

    I would probably talk to her about lying catching up to her and see how she reacts.
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    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    hep, my girls have Webkinz too, and my experience is just like burntbrat's - my oldest went online a couple of times and then got tired of it. I think girls in that age-group just like having the little "stuffies" to haul around in their backpacks and show their friends.

    burntbrat, that is kind of funny (Starbucks ) but I would talk to her about it. What hep says about taking advantage about anonymity is right on the mark. There was a recent episode here in the news where some kids did a pretty awful thing, but then were "outed" online (on Facebook) and a lot of people posted some pretty appalling stuff, including death threats.
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    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    Hep I don't know that I should be offering any advice regarding Webkinz...I've sung their praises enough in here
    My daughter just loves them, she has 11. Most were gifts, and 2 she bought with her own money.
    Having had nothing as a kid, I [strikeout]guess[/strikeout] KNOW I do indulge M. She didn't have any webkinz for the longest time but I fell in love with them too.
    All you need is the one Webkinz and you have an account for a year. The kinzcash is used to feed and care for your pet, you can also send gifts to friends on your friend list. The games aren't highly educational but there are a few that require quick thinking as you race against a clock. They also have more tradtional games you can play in real time against other kids like 'battleship' (called Dog Beard's Bathtub Battles)
    It's just fun. The site is totally safe, there is no way for anyone to exchange any typed words at all, they have pull down menus to communicate (like good game, I'm gonna beat you, you've got this one etc...)

    As for the vast sucking vortex of consumerism - you've got that on the money. Not only do they have the super cute and soft plush animals (they just came out with 4 new ones this week) they also have lipgloss, body spray, clothing, trading cards, mousepads, book marks, charms, charm bracelets, pet carriers and new this week: PVC collectables of the Webkinz pets.
    M loves to play on the site, her fave game is Dex Dangerous (the Webkinz version of Asteroid) She gets computer time after supper, after her homework is done.
    Sorry this post is really chatty! lol
    The bottom line for me is: She likes the pets and gifts, the website is a safe place for her to be, it gives her some independance while still leaving me with peace of mind, and she has something that all the other kids have (something I NEVER had as a kid and seriously, it's important to a kid's psyche).

    As for chore money, I used to control what M bought with her's but in thinking about it what was I really teaching her? I wasn't teaching her how to spend wisely because she was only allowed to buy what I let her so I stopped that. About 2 months ago she blew all of her allowance on a ridiculous stuffed horse then she decided she wanted a new webkinz shirt. I told her she had to use her own money and since she didn't have any she was out of luck. She was devastated. Since that time we have given her about $60 in allowance ($10/week if her 'money jobs' are done) ALL but $17 of that money is in her little pink, rhinestone studded wallet. She's actually afraid to spend it incase something better comes along to buy. Hubby is going to take her to the bank Saturday morning and get her to deposit most of it.

    To make a really long, disjointed post short: Follow your gut, you will do what you think is right, the toys are safe, you only have to make the inital purchase and nothing more, it's just as important to have fun as it is to learn.
    Last edited by Duxxy; 01-16-2008 at 02:12 PM.
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    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    That does make me feel a lot better, Duxxy - and what burntbrat said about her kids getting bored with it, too. It's not like I keep her from Barbies and Polly Pockets and all the other commercial-oriented toys. I think it's the web angle that makes me hesitate, just because there are so many web scams out there.

    When I say "earn," I'm thinking something like "when you finish your thank you notes" because we've been struggling with that (I can't believe we're mid-January and I'm admitting that!).
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    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    I was pawing through the freezer today looking for the ham to defrost for lunch tomorrow.... I found icicles in a ziplock bag

    I guess M is afraid winter might end soon.

    Hey Hep (et al) how do you guys handle chores/money and all that??

    We have a list on the fridge that says M's Responsibilities. She has 'Family Chores' and 'Money Chores'

    This all started when M wanted to have her own money. Mr. Dux and I wanted to find a way to give her some without actually giving it to her. We also didn't want to pay her for contributing around the house - she's part of the family and she is expected to help the family (that's what we told her) so we came up with things she has to do no matter what and things that she'd better do if she wanted to see a red cent.
    What's everyone else's system?? I want to see if I can steal some of your ideas.
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  9. #5009
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    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    Quote Originally Posted by Duxxy;2756646;
    I was pawing through the freezer today looking for the ham to defrost for lunch tomorrow.... I found icicles in a ziplock bag

    I guess M is afraid winter might end soon.

    Hey Hep (et al) how do you guys handle chores/money and all that??

    We have a list on the fridge that says M's Responsibilities. She has 'Family Chores' and 'Money Chores'

    This all started when M wanted to have her own money. Mr. Dux and I wanted to find a way to give her some without actually giving it to her. We also didn't want to pay her for contributing around the house - she's part of the family and she is expected to help the family (that's what we told her) so we came up with things she has to do no matter what and things that she'd better do if she wanted to see a red cent.
    What's everyone else's system?? I want to see if I can steal some of your ideas.

    That is our feelings because my husband and I sure don't get paid for our chores.

    My daughter got an allowance. It was not tied to chores, however she could do extra work to earn extra money.
    Out of that allowance, she had certain things she had to pay for FIRST.
    We showed her how to budget and came up with a worksheet for her.

    As she got older and her expenses increased and her clothing "needs" got more expensive and she was also not taking care of her clothes, her allowance was increased to $50 a week and she had to pay for EVERYTHING out of that. School lunch, yearbook, clothes, hair stuff (I did buy personal hygene products within reason and we did pay when we went out as a family to eat or the movies or whatever), but as for EVERYTHING else, it came out of that money and it really, really, really worked as she was wrecking our budget needing socks and needing underwear (I don't mean we were horrible for not buying them, but it always was an EMERGENCY situation and we were to go RIGHT THEN and buy it. No, we didn't do that either. )needing $30 for the middle school yearbook.

    So she really learned to budget. Birthday gifts for friends, movie out with friends, all that came out of her money. And if she blew it, too bad, so sad, you can make a PB&J sandwich for school lunch, but don't expect me to furnish you with tons of food if you blew your budget and you knew you had to pay 5 days worth of school lunch.

    We got her a bank account and showed her how to write checks, etc.

    She has done really, really well and she is a real bargain shopper now and takes much better care of her clothes and plans ahead-THAT was the real kicker and what we were trying to get across. No more hitting us up the night before payday needing money she knew she needed for 2 weeks and not saying anything about it until last min.

    And it had to pay for haircuts, tickets to football games, dances, dress for the dance, etc. I mean, we literally did not pay for anything, she was responsible for anything she needed money for coming out of that $50 a week. And it quit wrecking our budget and really taught her a lot.

    She works now, so we don't do that anymore.

    And believe me when I say that by the end of middle school and her first year in HS, $50 a week is not all that much considering all her "expenses". So she really had to be careful. Almost $10 of that was school lunch, so she had $40 left to either blow or buy needed items. And she learned quickly that money can dribble away with $3 here and $5 there. And she had to save something back weekly for her clothing and savings. After 6 months of this, she had managed to save $400 which we thought was rather impressive considering the first couple of months she blew everything she got. But it taught her a lesson too.
    Last edited by MRD; 01-17-2008 at 06:24 AM.
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    Re: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

    Quote Originally Posted by burntbrat;2755526;
    Apparently now she's 14, she got a brand new red razr phone (no way would I let her have a cell phone yet), she has a cat and she likes to drink grande white mocha from Starbucks.
    Being the smart aleck that I am I would just wait to the next you're at the mall and say "Let's get a grande white mochas from Starbucks. For some reason I think you would like those" and watch her squirm. If she didn't fess up I would then stop by the Verizon kiosk and start looking at red razors like you were going to purchase one. Top it off with a stop at the pet store to window shop. Yeah, I'm mean like that.

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