The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents - Page 20

Stargazer · 02-17-2004, 07:51 PM

Dads getting no respect is actually a pet peeve of mine. We moms are a force to be reckoned with and have finally become respected as such in society. However, dads still have a bad rap.

I have a unique perspective on Dads. My own was laid off of work and couldn't find a job anywhere when I was born. My mom stayed home for a couple of weeks and then returned to work. So, my dad was my main caregiver until I was three or four.

Commercials that show dads sending their kids out in the snow with shorts on burn me up

I remember how much my own Dad did for me and I see my husband patiently giving my daughter a bath and I just want to sing the praises of good fathers. So a big

for them as well

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EvaLaruefan · 02-17-2004, 08:59 PM

VeeJay, what a cutie. I have pics of my kids but no clue how to post them so....

No starnger has really peeved me off but I wouldn't be shy in telling them what I think if they do unless it's an elderly person then i may be a little better.

Feifer · 02-17-2004, 09:22 PM

Wooohoo! someone pass the SPF 90 and send the cabana boy my way.

I have only read two pages of this thread and have tons of reading to do, but wanted to get a word in before I ran out of time. I know you all understand.

My mother has nine brothers and five sisters. She had my brother then me. I have a boy(6) and a girl(4). I have seen big families and I have seen small ones. Neither is better nor worse than the other. No one person can say what is right for your family. To me a mother is a woman who has conceived a child. There are tons of mothers who never got to know the joy of holding their babies, just the heartbreak of losing them way too early(no matter how they were lost). If you have one child you are no less a mother than a woman with 2-25 children. I used to wonder how I could love a second child as much as I loved my son. I found out that the love was there when my daughter arrived. A mother's love grows to fit the needs of her child/children. So to all those mothers out there; welcome to the wild wacky world of motherhood. Have a pina colada on me. Where is that cabana boy with the sunscreen? My pasty white skin is scorching.

Great thread!

**hepcat** · 02-17-2004, 09:31 PM

I agree with you, Stargazer!

Yay for Dads!

So many strangers have said stuff to me (both negative and positive) I think I must have one of those approachable faces. Or maybe I really am the world's worst parent and everyone around me is taking me to task!

chompstick · 02-17-2004, 09:59 PM

Awww, Feifer, that was a wonderful post. Thank you.

Feifer · 02-17-2004, 10:37 PM

Breastfeeding. The toughest thing I ever did. I am so glad I breastfed both of my children. After my son was born he latched on right away. He did pretty good but it took a while for my supply to come in good. I pumped as much as I could and let him breastfeed in between to get what he could. I worked through angry breasts and swollen 'till cracking legs and feet(I had what the grannies call milk leg where the hormone that produces milk is in huge supply and ends up causing major swelling that impede the milk supply and is painful). After two weeks I had a good supply of milk and away we went happily breastfeeding until he gave up the breast and the pacifier at three months never to return to either. My daughter latched on right away but it took a little while for her to stay wake long enough to eat enough to satisfy her. So again with the swelling we had frequent feeding and angry breast but by week two it was all sorted out and she fed happily until almost three months. Bam she was on to bottles and kept her binky for a few more months after that. I am so glad that I breastfed my kids....still kinda freaks me out that my body produced milk.

Both of my kids are happy and healthy and I am blessed for that. They each enjoy a variety of foods including veggies....broccoli is a fav of theirs. They both slept through the night early on and continue to do so. I know I am blessed there too as there are many parents out there with babies who may never sleep through the night no matter their age. I congratulate anyone who was able to breastfeed their baby/ies. I also give big kudos to the moms who did not or could not for whatever reason. You did what worked for your family as you knew best. I celebrate each of you for the brave choices you made either way. There are too many people out their poopooing the choices we make about our children. Remember that you are the parent and you know your child the best. You are the one that is likely to make the best decision for your child in whatever situation you are in. There are so many ways that you can bond with your child...breasfeeding is not the be all end all of bonding. My son and I had as many battles with it as we had bonding with it. Still glad I did it if only for a short time. My MIL breastfed her daughter for four years and her son(yes mr Feifer) until he was five. That is nine years folks!

Duxxy · 02-17-2004, 10:43 PM

Star those stupid commericals maligning dads really burn my butt too. My husband gets so fed up with crap like that.
The KFC commerical with the mom away and dad had to stop at KFC to get supper - because we all know dad's can't make a nutritous meal :rolleyes. Then mom calls and dad tells her 'we are doing just fine' while cleaning up the supper mess with a shop vac. :rolleyes
He really took offence to this commerical in particular - he said - what? just because I'm not the mom I can't take care of my own child that I have been co-raising? bleah

a major pet peeve of mine is when I'm out someone will invariably ask me,
"so, who's with the kiddo tonight?"
I'll say she's at home with her dad
"oh how nice, dad is babysitting"
BABYSITTING? pardon me?
My response: no, actually he's parenting. Give the offending party the 'I just smelled dog-do look' and walk away. grrrrr

I wonder if FinallyHere will find this thread? He's as involved in his kids' lives as Paulie is.

Stargazer · 02-17-2004, 10:50 PM

Oh, my husband hates that commercial, too Duxxy. He also gets upset about people saying he's babysitting. You can't babysit your own child for Pete's sake. I know that there are men who don't do squat for their kids (my SIL's ex-husband who never changed one diaper through two kids), but there are a lot of fathers who are doing their jobs

Paulie, FinallyHere, and my beloved husband, I'm looking at you

Feifer- by angry breast, do you mean mastitis? I've never heard it called that but if that's what you are talking about, I know how miserable you were. I had mastitis and it was *painful* and made me sick as a dog

Duxxy · 02-17-2004, 11:07 PM

Ah breastfeeding.. I was the one who brought up Breast Nazis, I should probably say why.

While I was preggers I had all of these wonderful plans that included a natural birth, no drugs, as few exams as possible and to nurse my baby.
I went to a lactation consultant weeks before my due date and I was very happy to learn that not only would I be able to nurse (genetics made me wonder) but I was already producing colostrum

The time came, I had the baby in my arms and the recovery room nurse asked if I wanted to nurse the baby. I said Oh yes! give her to me. She helped me get a latch and the baby took to the breast right away... the latch was not a good one. I still couldn't feel anything thanks to the spinal that had yet to wear off. Anyway to make a very long, painful story short...
Baby couldn't latch properly, she was getting more blood than colostrum/milk and I had a parade of nurses and consultants trying to help.
I'm a pretty private person, very conservative. I had a hard time dealing with just stripping down for each nurse and consultant .. and frikkin doctor that wanted to help.
What turned me off was on about the third day the night nurse came in an decided to help me by taking my breast in her hand and shoving it into my baby's mouth. Ya really gotta get it in there, she said. Did I mention I was a private person? um yeah.. I was so agitated that my daughter started crying, I was ashamed/embarrassed and very frustrated that my baby was hungry and I couldn't feed her. I broke down and gave her a bottle. The next day the LLL woman showed up in my room - uninvited. She was adamant that I should continue to nurse, even though my daughter was not getting enough to eat, she insisted that I not supplement, she told me that I was not trying hard enough and if the 16 yr old single mom in the next bed could do it, surely a married mother of 29 could do it (yes, I'm serious, she said this) That's about the time I threw her out of my room.

This is what I mean by breast nazi. Those who make you feel like you are doing your child a grave disservice if you have the gall to use a bottle. I had a terrible experience with LLL, I'm so glad that most of you didn't.
It was a heart wrenching decision for me when I faced the fact that there was no way that my little piggy was going to be breastfed. On the upside of this... my husband got to share in the bonding time that bottle feeding allowed, and for that, I know he is very grateful.

cantgetenough · 02-18-2004, 12:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duxxy

Ah breastfeeding.. I was the one who brought up Breast Nazis, I should probably say why.

While I was preggers I had all of these wonderful plans that included a natural birth, no drugs, as few exams as possible and to nurse my baby.
I went to a lactation consultant weeks before my due date and I was very happy to learn that not only would I be able to nurse (genetics made me wonder) but I was already producing colostrum

The time came, I had the baby in my arms and the recovery room nurse asked if I wanted to nurse the baby. I said Oh yes! give her to me. She helped me get a latch and the baby took to the breast right away... the latch was not a good one. I still couldn't feel anything thanks to the spinal that had yet to wear off. Anyway to make a very long, painful story short...
Baby couldn't latch properly, she was getting more blood than colostrum/milk and I had a parade of nurses and consultants trying to help.
I'm a pretty private person, very conservative. I had a hard time dealing with just stripping down for each nurse and consultant .. and frikkin doctor that wanted to help.
What turned me off was on about the third day the night nurse came in an decided to help me by taking my breast in her hand and shoving it into my baby's mouth. Ya really gotta get it in there, she said. Did I mention I was a private person? um yeah.. I was so agitated that my daughter started crying, I was ashamed/embarrassed and very frustrated that my baby was hungry and I couldn't feed her. I broke down and gave her a bottle. The next day the LLL woman showed up in my room - uninvited. She was adamant that I should continue to nurse, even though my daughter was not getting enough to eat, she insisted that I not supplement, she told me that I was not trying hard enough and if the 16 yr old single mom in the next bed could do it, surely a married mother of 29 could do it (yes, I'm serious, she said this) That's about the time I threw her out of my room.

This is what I mean by breast nazi. Those who make you feel like you are doing your child a grave disservice if you have the gall to use a bottle. I had a terrible experience with LLL, I'm so glad that most of you didn't.
It was a heart wrenching decision for me when I faced the fact that there was no way that my little piggy was going to be breastfed. On the upside of this... my husband got to share in the bonding time that bottle feeding allowed, and for that, I know he is very grateful.

Let me AT that LLL Nazi!!!

I HATE it when you are a brand new, struggling, exhausted, emotional new mommy and someone makes you feel LESS THAN in any way...

I didn't have the breastfeeding nazi stories, but if anyone wants to chat about pacifiers...pro's and con's...I have a few nightmare stories of my own!!

I think we are, as moms, just so GUILT RIDDEN over every darn decision we make...I tried cloth diapers with my first child, based on the recommendation and shall I say, GIFT, of a dear friends cloth diapers. I lasted one day. ONE.

I had a mother in law (bless her heart) who expected me to make my own baby food...probably one of the few times I ever had serious words with her.

Some days, and with some issues, you "can't win for losing!"

02-17-2004, 07:51 PM	#191
Stargazer RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: On a Rocky Mountain High Age: 33 Posts: 11,647	Dads getting no respect is actually a pet peeve of mine. We moms are a force to be reckoned with and have finally become respected as such in society. However, dads still have a bad rap. I have a unique perspective on Dads. My own was laid off of work and couldn't find a job anywhere when I was born. My mom stayed home for a couple of weeks and then returned to work. So, my dad was my main caregiver until I was three or four. Commercials that show dads sending their kids out in the snow with shorts on burn me up I remember how much my own Dad did for me and I see my husband patiently giving my daughter a bath and I just want to sing the praises of good fathers. So a big for them as well __________________ "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson Last edited by Stargazer; 02-17-2004 at 08:07 PM.

02-17-2004, 09:22 PM	#193
Feifer Home Sweet Home! Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Dallas Age: 37 Posts: 4,532	Wooohoo! someone pass the SPF 90 and send the cabana boy my way. I have only read two pages of this thread and have tons of reading to do, but wanted to get a word in before I ran out of time. I know you all understand. My mother has nine brothers and five sisters. She had my brother then me. I have a boy(6) and a girl(4). I have seen big families and I have seen small ones. Neither is better nor worse than the other. No one person can say what is right for your family. To me a mother is a woman who has conceived a child. There are tons of mothers who never got to know the joy of holding their babies, just the heartbreak of losing them way too early(no matter how they were lost). If you have one child you are no less a mother than a woman with 2-25 children. I used to wonder how I could love a second child as much as I loved my son. I found out that the love was there when my daughter arrived. A mother's love grows to fit the needs of her child/children. So to all those mothers out there; welcome to the wild wacky world of motherhood. Have a pina colada on me. Where is that cabana boy with the sunscreen? My pasty white skin is scorching. Great thread! __________________ It occurred to me that no matter how bleak things might seem at times, at least I have a head. ----Stargazer

02-17-2004, 09:31 PM	#194
hepcat Phooey. Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: here Posts: 24,920 Blog Entries: 3	I agree with you, Stargazer! Yay for Dads! So many strangers have said stuff to me (both negative and positive) I think I must have one of those approachable faces. Or maybe I really am the world's worst parent and everyone around me is taking me to task! __________________ THE SMEAR: Barack Obama got 100% on "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero. THE TRUTH: Barack Obama is a DDR fanatic.

02-17-2004, 09:59 PM	#195
chompstick Are these spots becoming? Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Woof! Posts: 1,511	Awww, Feifer, that was a wonderful post. Thank you. __________________ I support the right to arm bears.

02-17-2004, 10:37 PM	#196
Feifer Home Sweet Home! Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Dallas Age: 37 Posts: 4,532	Breastfeeding. The toughest thing I ever did. I am so glad I breastfed both of my children. After my son was born he latched on right away. He did pretty good but it took a while for my supply to come in good. I pumped as much as I could and let him breastfeed in between to get what he could. I worked through angry breasts and swollen 'till cracking legs and feet(I had what the grannies call milk leg where the hormone that produces milk is in huge supply and ends up causing major swelling that impede the milk supply and is painful). After two weeks I had a good supply of milk and away we went happily breastfeeding until he gave up the breast and the pacifier at three months never to return to either. My daughter latched on right away but it took a little while for her to stay wake long enough to eat enough to satisfy her. So again with the swelling we had frequent feeding and angry breast but by week two it was all sorted out and she fed happily until almost three months. Bam she was on to bottles and kept her binky for a few more months after that. I am so glad that I breastfed my kids....still kinda freaks me out that my body produced milk. Both of my kids are happy and healthy and I am blessed for that. They each enjoy a variety of foods including veggies....broccoli is a fav of theirs. They both slept through the night early on and continue to do so. I know I am blessed there too as there are many parents out there with babies who may never sleep through the night no matter their age. I congratulate anyone who was able to breastfeed their baby/ies. I also give big kudos to the moms who did not or could not for whatever reason. You did what worked for your family as you knew best. I celebrate each of you for the brave choices you made either way. There are too many people out their poopooing the choices we make about our children. Remember that you are the parent and you know your child the best. You are the one that is likely to make the best decision for your child in whatever situation you are in. There are so many ways that you can bond with your child...breasfeeding is not the be all end all of bonding. My son and I had as many battles with it as we had bonding with it. Still glad I did it if only for a short time. My MIL breastfed her daughter for four years and her son(yes mr Feifer) until he was five. That is nine years folks! __________________ It occurred to me that no matter how bleak things might seem at times, at least I have a head. ----Stargazer

02-17-2004, 08:59 PM	#192
EvaLaruefan Hockey is life! Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Montreal,Canada Age: 34 Posts: 3,172	VeeJay, what a cutie. I have pics of my kids but no clue how to post them so.... No starnger has really peeved me off but I wouldn't be shy in telling them what I think if they do unless it's an elderly person then i may be a little better.

02-17-2004, 10:43 PM	#197
Duxxy Wash your damn hands Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: looking for a deal on evilBay Posts: 5,318	Star those stupid commericals maligning dads really burn my butt too. My husband gets so fed up with crap like that. The KFC commerical with the mom away and dad had to stop at KFC to get supper - because we all know dad's can't make a nutritous meal :rolleyes. Then mom calls and dad tells her 'we are doing just fine' while cleaning up the supper mess with a shop vac. :rolleyes He really took offence to this commerical in particular - he said - what? just because I'm not the mom I can't take care of my own child that I have been co-raising? bleah a major pet peeve of mine is when I'm out someone will invariably ask me, "so, who's with the kiddo tonight?" I'll say she's at home with her dad "oh how nice, dad is babysitting" BABYSITTING? pardon me? My response: no, actually he's parenting. Give the offending party the 'I just smelled dog-do look' and walk away. grrrrr I wonder if FinallyHere will find this thread? He's as involved in his kids' lives as Paulie is. __________________ Wash Your Hands!! Keep the world healthy.

02-17-2004, 10:50 PM	#198
Stargazer RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: On a Rocky Mountain High Age: 33 Posts: 11,647	Oh, my husband hates that commercial, too Duxxy. He also gets upset about people saying he's babysitting. You can't babysit your own child for Pete's sake. I know that there are men who don't do squat for their kids (my SIL's ex-husband who never changed one diaper through two kids), but there are a lot of fathers who are doing their jobs Paulie, FinallyHere, and my beloved husband, I'm looking at you Feifer- by angry breast, do you mean mastitis? I've never heard it called that but if that's what you are talking about, I know how miserable you were. I had mastitis and it was painful and made me sick as a dog __________________ "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

02-17-2004, 11:07 PM	#199
Duxxy Wash your damn hands Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: looking for a deal on evilBay Posts: 5,318	Ah breastfeeding.. I was the one who brought up Breast Nazis, I should probably say why. While I was preggers I had all of these wonderful plans that included a natural birth, no drugs, as few exams as possible and to nurse my baby. I went to a lactation consultant weeks before my due date and I was very happy to learn that not only would I be able to nurse (genetics made me wonder) but I was already producing colostrum The time came, I had the baby in my arms and the recovery room nurse asked if I wanted to nurse the baby. I said Oh yes! give her to me. She helped me get a latch and the baby took to the breast right away... the latch was not a good one. I still couldn't feel anything thanks to the spinal that had yet to wear off. Anyway to make a very long, painful story short... Baby couldn't latch properly, she was getting more blood than colostrum/milk and I had a parade of nurses and consultants trying to help. I'm a pretty private person, very conservative. I had a hard time dealing with just stripping down for each nurse and consultant .. and frikkin doctor that wanted to help. What turned me off was on about the third day the night nurse came in an decided to help me by taking my breast in her hand and shoving it into my baby's mouth. Ya really gotta get it in there, she said. Did I mention I was a private person? um yeah.. I was so agitated that my daughter started crying, I was ashamed/embarrassed and very frustrated that my baby was hungry and I couldn't feed her. I broke down and gave her a bottle. The next day the LLL woman showed up in my room - uninvited. She was adamant that I should continue to nurse, even though my daughter was not getting enough to eat, she insisted that I not supplement, she told me that I was not trying hard enough and if the 16 yr old single mom in the next bed could do it, surely a married mother of 29 could do it (yes, I'm serious, she said this) That's about the time I threw her out of my room. This is what I mean by breast nazi. Those who make you feel like you are doing your child a grave disservice if you have the gall to use a bottle. I had a terrible experience with LLL, I'm so glad that most of you didn't. It was a heart wrenching decision for me when I faced the fact that there was no way that my little piggy was going to be breastfed. On the upside of this... my husband got to share in the bonding time that bottle feeding allowed, and for that, I know he is very grateful. __________________ Wash Your Hands!! Keep the world healthy.