+ Reply to Thread

Thread: The Oasis - A spot for FORT parents

  1. #1051
    Retired! hepcat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    in a good place
    Posts
    27,046
    I've never heard a pediatrician's opinion on this before. I know a lot of parents of kids my daughter's age are still helping with the wiping. We get these flushable wet wipes and they really advance any kid's ability in this area.

    I'm surprised a pediatrician would say this unless the kid has had problems with UTI's. Usually, that would be a girl's problem, not a boy's. If your friend really disagrees with the doctor, she should go with her instincts because she knows her child better than a doctor he sees a few times a year. It sounds like she wants to keep this up, and I'm sure it's okay, too. But you might mention the wet wipes.

    Holding it in at school doesn't sound like a good idea. You can't absolutely count on it, so why not foster that bit of independence?
    You've gotta hustle if you want to earn a dollar. - Boston Rob

  2. #1052
    FORT Fanatic imajunkie2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    North Pole
    Posts
    609
    If I am not mistaken I read somewhere that kids should have "assisted brushing" of their teeth until age 7. My concern about the wiping thing isnt as much as the actual wiping but that his mom told him he would have to wait until he got home if he had to go. Not only could that cause him severe cramping etc. But what if he can't wait? I know a little boy soiled his pants in the classroom when he was in grade 2 and I don't think his classmates will ever forget it. The janitor had to come in and clean it up.... ewwwww. Talk about a horrifying experience for the child.
    I think the mom needs to let go a bit and teach her son how to wipe. The child also needs to learn that he can do things for himself and not always rely on mom to do everything for him.

  3. #1053
    FORT Fanatic VeeJay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Southern Illinois
    Age
    42
    Posts
    674
    Quote Originally Posted by roseskid
    Every kid is different, and for the most part, girls are quicker at a lot of this stuff than the boys -- honestly -- not meant as a swipe at boys! I think a lot of this depends on the child. Some are born independent and want to do everything for themselves, whether they do it right, or not. Others, have no interest and as long as mom, or someone else, does it for them, they're fine with it. But I don't know too many kids who at the age of 5 or so, want someone else wiping their bottoms. That seems very radical to me.
    Very wise words. It's very important to remember that each child is an individual and develop at their own pace. My son will be 6 in November and he can do most of those things. He can't tie his shoes though. But I think that's just because I've not really tried to teach him yet. I let him brush his own teeth and when he's done I always give them a good once over myself just to be sure because I don't want his teeth rotting out.
    A man can convince anyone he's somebody else, but never himself. - Verbal Kint from the movie The Usual Suspects

  4. #1054
    Anarchist AJane's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Charming
    Posts
    9,353
    Yikes. That kid should DEFINITELY be doing all that stuff by now (although I agree on maybe not the shoe-tying, my 5-year-old can't do yet either). Not to be rude or crude, but who wipes his bum in school?

    Jewls, I'm sure your friend wants the best for her boy, but maybe she misunderstood the nature of her pediatrician's advice. Awhile back, I had a conversation with my kids' doctor about something (can't recall what, at the moment) and she said something to the effect that parents should heed the doctor's advice but that they should also rely on their own instincts on what is best for the child, because parents know their child best. Why don't you tell the mom that her little guy did a great job dressing himself, etc. when he was with you, if you haven't already? Maybe she just needs a little wake-up call that he's growing up and is very capable of performing his own personal hygiene.
    All my life, I have felt destiny tugging at my sleeve.~ Thursday Next
    I don't want to "go with the flow". The flow just washes you down the drain. I want to fight the flow.- Henry Rollins
    All this spiritual talk is great and everything...but at the end of the day, there's nothing like a pair of skinny jeans. - Jillian Michaels

  5. #1055
    FORTfruity applesauce's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Posts
    2,099
    Great feedback from everyone. Just to throw my own experiences out there...I have a 4 year old son. He loves to pick out his own clothes, put them on (usually backwards), brush his teeth (he always has me do the finishing touch) and wipe his own butt (as best he can). What I am trying to say is that he has taken an interest in trying these things and I let him do them to the best of his ability. I then finish the job when necessary (not always my favorite task) but let him know he did a fine job. In relation to his friends, some don't want to do any of these things on their own, some can't do these things and others do a great job in these areas. I think it is really important as a parent to guage when your child is ready, able and willing to try things and let them do what they can. Each child moves at their own pace.

    To jump in on what AJane said, my doctor also told me to follow my instincts as well as take clues from my child's actions and curiousities. Just let nature take its course.

    Finally, asking a child to hold it all day is asking for trouble...from many standpoints. It will affect their concentration during class, their socialization during recess and their health. I know when I have to hold it, I can't concentrate on anything!

  6. #1056
    From the corner of my eye Jewelsy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    in the middle of the Monsoons
    Posts
    11,829
    Thanks for the all the advice, guys.

    We've been best friends for almost 20 years, and I've questioned her twice about the brushing of teeth and wiping, and she had told me BOTH TIMES, that she's going with her pediatrician's advice. She's one of those "do everything for everybody" types. She is the most incredible friend I've ever had -- she has *s0* been there through some really difficult times in my life.

    I'm not going to confront her about this -- it's her son. I was just wondering if this was normal or not.

    Again, thanks for all the replies.

  7. #1057
    Anarchist AJane's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Charming
    Posts
    9,353
    Wow, applesauce, you can hold it? After the second kid I can't hold it for longer than 30 seconds.
    All my life, I have felt destiny tugging at my sleeve.~ Thursday Next
    I don't want to "go with the flow". The flow just washes you down the drain. I want to fight the flow.- Henry Rollins
    All this spiritual talk is great and everything...but at the end of the day, there's nothing like a pair of skinny jeans. - Jillian Michaels

  8. #1058
    From the corner of my eye Jewelsy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    in the middle of the Monsoons
    Posts
    11,829
    I've never had kids, and I can't hold it.

    Finally, asking a child to hold it all day is asking for trouble...from many standpoints. It will affect their concentration during class, their socialization during recess and their health. I know when I have to hold it, I can't concentrate on anything!
    She doesn't "make" him hold it during school (4 hours of Kindergarden). She said that he always "goes" in the morning -- like clockwork, and then again sometime after dinner -- like clockwork. Maybe it's just a guy thing. I've know several guys who have their little "routines".

  9. #1059
    Peeking In Duxxy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    looking for a deal on evilBay
    Posts
    6,052
    I have something to say about kids 'holding it' (like you thought I wouldn't? )
    I've toilet trained 10 or so kids and one thing that really stands out for me is that kids are so adaptable that they are able to change their bodies' schedule and rhythms at the drop of a hat.
    If the kids are most comfortable pooping at home they are actually able to alter their body clock so they poop every day at say.. 7pm so they are at home with mom and dad. As long as the kids are going at least once a day - or they are on a good elimination schedule there is nothing to worry about. I doubt very much that the kids are 'holding it' they were just able to reschedule themselves. .. if only we were all so lucky!
    Jewels your little friend should be able to do all of the things on your list - but they are skills that are acquired through practice and how are you supposed to practice if someone is doing it for you all the time? Your little friend has no incentive to do any of those things for himself because his mom is doing it for him. While it's wonderful that your friend is so attentive to her son her actions are mildly detrimental to his development. Eventually he will learn all of this stuff anyway so it's not really a big deal. Sometimes its really hard for a parent to step back and allow their little person to attempt or do things for himself - especially if the kiddo is a singleton (it's even worse if mom had a hard time conceiving)
    Anyway - the best thing for you to do is what you are already doing, be supportive and encouraging and let him do these things for himself when he's in your company.

    I happen to agree with toothbrushing.. parents needs to be responsible for a good scrub once a day until the kiddo is old enough to have the fine motor skills and understanding to reach every tooth. Then again I am a little bit of a fanatic over my daughter's teeth because I have a mouth full of metal thanks in large part to my parent's neglect of good oral health. Kids learn by example.
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

  10. #1060
    From the corner of my eye Jewelsy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    in the middle of the Monsoons
    Posts
    11,829
    Quote Originally Posted by Duxxy
    I have something to say about kids 'holding it' (like you thought I wouldn't? )
    Yeah -- as if.

    Man -- I sure wish I had a little "schedule".

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.