Online Dating?

[spockwhat]

this guy's teeth were jacked up. I read something the other day that described it perfectly: He could eat an ear of corn through a picket fence. It was not pretty. I hate to be superficial, but it totally turned me off.

Thanks for the laugh.
That's not superficial. That's real. Physical attraction counts and if all you can picture is that cob of corn and a picket fence... maybe Donkey from Shrek, well, it'd take a blind saint to get past that.

I got married before the onset of online dating sites, and I've always been curious about those sites and if they work for the people who use them. (I have single inlaws and friends). One of my friends is a Christian, has anyone tried one of those religious based dating sites?
Thanks for the personal stories, and good luck to those who are using them.

I've always felt the best way to meet people is just to get involved in things you love. It makes perfect sense that forum readers and posters would look online, so I understand being drawn to online dating sites. But I also think getting out there and joining classes of subjects you are interested in (photography, arts, whatever) is great way to meet people, I think. But what do I know, it's been a few years.

I read a profile once where the guy literally said that he spent most of his free time alone because no one wanted to spend it with him. I'm not kidding.

That is just so sad. If nothing else, at least he's honest.

[causingchaos]

I live in an area with a lot of small towns and the majority of people here meet their partners at the bar or in highschool. I don't go to the bar. Anyhow, I've tried online dating on/off over the years. First I exclude the pay sites because I quickly came to realize the same men were on all the sites so I finally went to plenty of fish here the last few years. I clearly put who I am in my profile. The stuff I like, the stuff I don't like. Some things that I must have in a man (must be able to hold a conversation is the big one).

For awhile I went on dates with anyone who asked thinking I need to keep an open mind. I ended up wasting a lot of time. I went out with one guy who I later found asking directions to the domestic abuse program for his anger management classes (the program is in my building). Then there was the guy who turned out to still be married but getting a divorce. Then he spills the beans and says he was in prison with some federal organized crime issues. I think ok I can handle that we all screw up. Then he noted he was known for a magnitude of violence (who the heck admits that). He proceeded to insult me and my car and then thought he was going to get laid. Yeah. Um no. Then I had some other ones that just went to pot (unwilling or unable to talk). And I'm a nerdy girl but the guy who was so excited because I could hang out with his friends who play dungeons and dragons and just got a job at McDonalds just about did me. I respect someone who works but the reality is I need someone a little more driven than that. I've had numerous guys who don't get when to give up trying to call me either.

So at some point I started asking some pointed questions in the emails back and forth. Like what are they looking for in women and in a relationship. The general what do you like to do. I found an amazing number of the people I was meeting just lacked a ton of ability in the socialization department. And I know people are nervous and what not but seriously. I also found a lot of the guys I was meeting really had their heart set on meeting something akin to a playboy bunny on there and that I am not. Physical attraction is important but seriously.

At one point I even looked at the other girls on the dating site to really see what was out there as options for some of the guys and from the pictures I saw we were all your average women.

So at some point I became pretty jaded and cynical about that whole meat market thing and have been taking some time off.

[Ellen]

Before I got married, I tried the personal ads in a Christian singles publication (before online dating, when AOL was in its infancy). Worst date of my life. Ever. He had all the makings of a Norman Bates. He still lived with his mother. On our first (and only) date, he told me that his mother has final approval of his dates/girlfriends. I ran fast from THAT one!

The guy I married turned out to be the one who was right in front of me all along. We were co-workers and best "just friends" for nearly five years before we realized that we "like liked" each other. Eighteen years later, we're stll married. And still best friends.

[PhoneGrrrl]

I confess I did the online thing for about a year. My sister met her husband that way and it gave me some faith. But loser after loser, I gave up....too many lies. I'll just be me by myself. I feel like Danny Glover...I'm too old for this &%$#.

[Gutmutter]

Any time I start thinking I want a man, I have to ask myself where he would fit in my life... I have a small cottage that I love. Would he live here? Would I have to move? Would we live separate lives? I have a pretty specific diet and eat whenever without actually cooking meals. Would I be expected to cook? When I come home from a long work day, I like to unwind with the tv or computer. Dozing off in front of the tv is one of my guilty pleasures. I can easily spend an entire day reading a book. Would I be expected to be more productive? I'm early to bed, early to rise... keep me up past 9 or 10 and I might drool on you. Ha. I should put all that in an on-line dating profile and see how many hits I get.

[JunkieGirl]

You never know, Gut. With a precise profile like that, there may be another kindred spirit out there who "gets" you.
Of course, you'll get some of those "keepers" that are mentioned upthread too, but those guys always provide funny moments to share with your friends.

[causingchaos]

I think a precise profile helps. Mine is long and precise but I have found that there are men who just e-mail every single woman on there regardless of their profile or don't ever read it in the first place. Which is generally when I was doing online dating I was asking people a multitude of questions in those initial e-mails before even thinking about a date. Lots of people just want to do a first date off the bat too instead of actually e-mailing. Which I stopped going along with because I found those were the men least able to have any conversation when on the date and really there was nothing in common when push came to shove.

[Harmony2000]

I was married fresh out of high school, it lasted about 6 years. I was single for a couple of years and did the online dating thing. I'm about to age myself but this was when AOL was huge. Remember? I actually met some really awesome guys that way. It wasn't exactly a dating service, it was more you looked through people's profiles and then if you found something interesting in them you just asked if they wanted to chat.

I also met some guys through some local online dating sites but it seemed like most of those were just looking for hook-ups. Also a huge number were secretly married, it's not that hard to figure out that the guy is married.

I think that online dating has changed from the time I was doing it so long ago. It seems more scary now.

I remember that this woman that was a passing friend (not a real friend but somebody who knew a friend of mine) with actually stole a photo of me, scanned it, and then was using it as her profile photo to meet men! I was so mad when I found out there was nothing I could do about it because the site would not take the photo down. It was right about then that I started realizing that people really lie on these things and misrepresent themselves.

Anyways, I've been married to my current husband for over 12 years and we met the old-fashioned way.....in the Navy lol.

I think it doesn't really matter where you meet the person as long as it is the right person. FUNNY! As I'm typing this a eHarmony commercial just came on.

[jucamer]

I confess I did the online thing for about a year. My sister met her husband that way and it gave me some faith. But loser after loser, I gave up....too many lies. I'll just be me by myself. I feel like Danny Glover...I'm too old for this &%$#.

Me too PG - too old for this crap. Most of the guys in my age bracket list their ages at least 10 years youngers than they are - why lie?? Everything comes out in the wash - I hate liars .

One tip - don't talk to anyone without a photo! Years ago a guy without a picture contacted me, he lived nearby and we seemed to have a good e-mail rapor. He said he just put his profile up and he would be posting his photo soon. Call me mean, terrible, whatever when I found out the guy was a dwarf - that was the end of talking to anyone without seeing a photo first....

[causingchaos]

Me too PG - too old for this crap. Most of the guys in my age bracket list their ages at least 10 years youngers than they are - why lie?? Everything comes out in the wash - I hate liars .

One tip - don't talk to anyone without a photo! Years ago a guy without a picture contacted me, he lived nearby and we seemed to have a good e-mail rapor. He said he just put his profile up and he would be posting his photo soon. Call me mean, terrible, whatever when I found out the guy was a dwarf - that was the end of talking to anyone without seeing a photo first....

I wouldn't count out people without a photo really fast. I don't put a photo on there but I have A LOT of clients who use dating sites and frankly don't want to be harassed by them which is what would happen if my picture was up there. I do mention that I will e-mail a photo but frankly if that is the absolute first and only thing a person says to me (I want to see your picture) I will delete their message and not give them another look too.