+ Reply to Thread
Page 8 of 13 FirstFirst 12345678910111213 LastLast
Results 71 to 80 of 123

Thread: Not having children by choice?

  1. #71
    Mmmmm.. Nice... Terena79's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Boston, MA
    Age
    34
    Posts
    1,248
    Quote Originally Posted by Feifer
    That is so wrong! As long as I am around, you will never be alone. Since women tend to outlive men, we can move in together like the Golden Girls after they are gone.

    Tell anyone who tries to pressure you into having kids to blow it out their toobenblurbles!
    "You better shut your mouth when you're talkin' to me!"

  2. #72
    Retired! hepcat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    in a good place
    Posts
    27,046
    Quote Originally Posted by nlmcp
    As a word of "comfort" to people who are saying "I wish people would just support me not having kids and stop pressuring me or telling me what to do". If you do decide to have childern....people will still pressure you and tell you what to do. I have 2 little girls. I've been critized for how I got pregnant, when I got pregnant, that I worked while pregnant, how I gave birth, that I breast feed, that I used pacifers, what the babies slept in, how much they slept, how much weight they gained, when they had their first food, what they wore, when they were baptized, when I went back to work etc etc with the final insult being when I had a miscarriage I was told I did that wrong (htf do you do that wrong?) Most of the people telling me I was doing it wrong...weren't my family they were just people (inlaws, friends, coworkers, neighbors, old ladies on the street) who felt they were right and I was wrong and I needed to know. So someone somewhere will always be quick to tell you how wrong you are, no matter what you do.
    As long as you know you are right, who cares what those other people say.
    And the irony is that the human race would have died out long ago if there were only one way to do things. Sheesh!

    I guess what amazes me most is that people will ask such personal questions without any thought for how much pain you might be suffering. A couple that's having fertility problems doesn't want to be reminded by idiots asking them when they'll have kids. The worst thing a stranger said to me about my daughter was that "Oh, I bet she's adopted, she's so cute and doesn't look anything like you." Gee thanks for that backhanded compliment! She happens to look like her father!! :mad: And like it's anyone's business if she was adopted!
    You've gotta hustle if you want to earn a dollar. - Boston Rob

  3. #73
    I have a new love now JunkieGirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Where the Thunder Rolls
    Posts
    2,101
    [QUOTE=hepcat The worst thing a stranger said to me about my daughter was that "Oh, I bet she's adopted, she's so cute and doesn't look anything like you." Gee thanks for that backhanded compliment! She happens to look like her father!! :mad: And like it's anyone's business if she was adopted! [/QUOTE]

    Wow nice compliment don't ya just wish you could say. Yes well my daughter does not have my looks, but she has my intelligence. She can tell an idiot (read:butthole) as soon as they open their mouths!
    Sheldon Cooper: Woman, you're playing with forces beyond your ken

    Penny: Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.

  4. #74
    An innocent bystander nlmcp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    The mitten state
    Posts
    3,402
    Quote Originally Posted by hepcat.
    The worst thing a stranger said to me about my daughter was that "Oh, I bet she's adopted, she's so cute and doesn't look anything like you." Gee thanks for that backhanded compliment! She happens to look like her father!! :mad: And like it's anyone's business if she was adopted!
    When my girls were infants and toddlers , I was always asked if I was babysitting as they are both blue eyed blondes and I'm dark haired and eyed. When they are with my blonde blue eyed sister, people always assume they are her kids.
    I could go east, I could go west, it was all up to me to decide. Just then I saw a young hawk flyin' and my soul began to rise. ~Bob Seger

  5. #75
    FORT Newbie
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    16
    My wife and I are not having children. We are happy with our choice. I had a vasectomy back when I was 22. I am now 40, and don’t regret it in the slightest Some people don’t feel the same way about our choice:

    I have been called gay, male-chauvinist, un-American, a detriment to my race, need sex education, and so on. I have been told that I don’t deserve my salary, and that I should quit so someone with a family, who needs the money, should get my job. I get told that my wife is ‘wasting time’ with me because I will never get her pregnant. I usually don’t bother to tell them that she has no children and had her tubes tied before I met her.

    Often I get quoted from ‘bible thumpers’. They tell me I will burn in hell. They tell me I should talk to my religious leader about it. I just tell them the truth. “I am a Buddhist. There is no rule in Buddhism requiring that I procreate!”. They usually don’t say anything more.

    I really don’t care how anyone else feels about it. I just tell them, something like, “If you panned on criticizing me, why did you ask?” Any more, I just change the subject, when it gets brought up. I used to relish in the novelty, but I don’t anymore. I am not sure if I got sick of the criticism, or I just know a lot of other people that elected not to have children, so I am not so unique any more.

    I went to my 20 year high school reunion two years ago. I was quite happy to see so many people that made the same choice. Sure I got asked if I had kids. Nobody said a derogatory statement. I was very pleased with their maturity.

    One of my classmates brought up a good point; Do you know anyone that ‘planned’ on having children? Sorry, I don’t know anyone that did. Everyone got pregnant by accident. Sure they told themselves that they wanted children (Guilt??)

  6. #76
    FORT Fogey
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    8,164
    I know enough people who have either come to the conclusion on their own that they don't want children, or suffered through infertility that I despise questions about having children. I've become rather militant about protecting my friends from such interrogations. I'm the one who sits there, hears the question and says "Do you understand that you are essentially asking her about her sex life? Just how far will you go here? Will you ask how often they sleep together? What rooms? What positions? Can she ask you the same thing?" People usually only ask those questions once around me.

    The thing that amazes me about the "Oh you must have children there is no other way" crowd is that many who are in that crowd are the same people who will nitpik and slam anyone who is parenting in a fashion they don't deem acceptable. Why on earth would anyone want to force people into a lifetime commitment to a job that they don't want to do, just so they can do it poorly?

    People are different. That's what makes life fun. People who don't accept that are missing out.

  7. #77
    Wild thang Rattus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    In the trees
    Age
    53
    Posts
    6,910
    I've found that I've had a different experience than most of the childless people who have posted here. I had a couple of "when are you going to have kids" comments many years back (I'm now 45), but for the most part I've found that people are envious of the life that Mr. Rattus and I lead, with no albatross heavier than a mortgage (nearly done with) and two cats hanging about our necks. And I have had three friends admit that, though they love their kids, if they had to do it again they wouldn't. That means that one friend and one relative haven't admitted it, but who knows what they're thinking.
    All I wanted was a 45, a stinking 45 - the record or the gun. I'd even settle for the damn malt liquor. - Al Bundy.

  8. #78
    A Meat Loaf Aday... ClosetNerd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Northern NY
    Posts
    2,946
    Quote Originally Posted by SeekingZen View Post
    Do you know anyone that ‘planned’ on having children? Sorry, I don’t know anyone that did. Everyone got pregnant by accident. Sure they told themselves that they wanted children (Guilt??)
    Husband and I did plan on having children. We conceived Ash our very first try, And we are planning to start trying again this July.. However my half sister has decided that she does not want children of her own. Not only does my entire family respect her decision, heck... we were secretly praying for it! Some people for whatever reasons just know they would make better non-parents than parents. And that is OK She is a prime example! Aside from just never feeling any desire to be a mother, and not really liking children anyway, She has had several inherited medical and mental conditions to contend with, as well as always having been in some sort of unstable living situation. She sleeps on some guys couch because she's too codependant to get her own place... we always have to give her handouts because she calls in sick to work at least 1 day a week... If she were to ever have a baby she would be stuck in the cycle of minimum wage, working full time just to support a babysitter/and-or being on public services.
    She's smart enough to know she shouldnt have kids, but irresponsible enough not to use other forms of BC properly...

    However, when she wanted to discuss the possibility of getting her tubes tied with her doctor.. They flat out refused to even discuss it with her, telling her that it is not their policy to perform that procedure: unless she is a minimum of 35 years old, or has had 2 children already. For a country that is overpopulated with unwanted children as it is, they are sure keen on making sure you have every opportunity to add to the problem.
    ~There is no way to Happiness. Happiness is the way.~

  9. #79
    Wild thang Rattus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    In the trees
    Age
    53
    Posts
    6,910
    Quote Originally Posted by ClosetNerd View Post
    However, when she wanted to discuss the possibility of getting her tubes tied with her doctor.. They flat out refused to even discuss it with her, telling her that it is not their policy to perform that procedure: unless she is a minimum of 35 years old, or has had 2 children already. For a country that is overpopulated with unwanted children as it is, they are sure keen on making sure you have every opportunity to add to the problem.
    I had the same problem at 25. They refuse to accept the fact that many people are completely clear on what they want (or more accurately, don't want), even if they haven't reached the magical age of 30 yet. Fortunately, Mr. Rattus was happy to get a vasectomy and our life, or at least aspects of, has been worry free and spontaneous ever since.
    All I wanted was a 45, a stinking 45 - the record or the gun. I'd even settle for the damn malt liquor. - Al Bundy.

  10. #80
    FORT Fogey
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    8,164
    I know of people who have been refused by doctors from surgical sterilizaiton also. I have to say, I can understand where doctors are coming from there. For all of the people who do decide early on they don't want children, and don't change their minds, there are also many who decide that early an and DO change their minds. One of the guys I know who was refused the surgery at age 25 very much wanted another child by age 31. Doctors have a responsibility to patients to advise, sometimes very firmly, in what procedures should and should not happen. So I can support a doctor refusing such a permanent procedure under some circumstances.

    One other aspect of the people who wont' accept a person's decision not to have children is what happens when all that prodding actually changes the person's mind. I have a freind who decided a long time ago she never wanted children. Her husband knew it when they got married, and he's fine with it. He'd be happy to oblige if she changed her mind, but does not think she's keeping him from anything he wants desparately to do. Well there are a few people in her family who have harassed her (and quite frankly played mind games with her) for so long that they're close to changing her mind. Only she's not changing her mind because she WANTS kids. She's getting close to changing her mind because she's scared that her family may be right about the mind games they're playing (essentially telling her that she's going against God's will and blocking His use of her uterus - YIKES!) I love her dearly as a person, but she'd be a HORRIBLE mom. She's got a firm selfish streak in her - as in won't even try a food or movie that she doesn't want. That kind of selfish will NOT make good mother. People just don't think when they insist everyone needs to be a parent.

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.