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Thread: Not having children by choice?

  1. #51
    An innocent bystander nlmcp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    The mitten state
    Quote Originally Posted by tracylee
    I figure that since we're 38 and 58, we're going to spend our time and resources on ourselves and our cats. I refuse to feel guilty for being selfish and not bringing more children into the world the way it is now. I'll enjoy other people's kids, spoil them, and send them on their merry way!
    But you are not being selfish. If you don't want kids, that's just how you feel and more power to you for not giving in just because some boneheads won't take you at your word. I can never figure out why someone who doesn't want to have kids would be considered selfish, I don't want a darn parrot and I won't ever have one because they are loud, smell and take up to much room but I don't consider myself selfish because of this (my 9 year old is disappointed in me but shoot I have enough pets)
    I could go east, I could go west, it was all up to me to decide. Just then I saw a young hawk flyin' and my soul began to rise. ~Bob Seger

  2. #52
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    On a Rocky Mountain High
    Quote Originally Posted by hepcat
    I have an unusual last name and my husband is under pressure because any of his cousins who would share the name were girls...so he is the last "Hepcat". I still find myself speechless when someone prods us to have a boy "this time." :rolleyes I would never say anything like that even if I had a close friend who was 8 months along and 99% sure the ultrasound showed a boy. It's just so tacky and rude.
    I almost mentioned this myself earlier. My husband is also the last of his family name unless we have a boy. When we announced pregnancy last time (before we knew she was a girl), we were so angered by comments of certain family members of his, that we left the party in disgust. It astounded me how clear some people were with the feelings that if we didn't have a boy, we failed in some way. After our daughter was born, those same family members have pressured us to no end to have 'a boy' soon.

    So, I guess my point is that even if you were to have kids, people still butt in and tell you what you should be doing. There will always be some busy body who feels the need to be involved in your personal affairs.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  3. #53
    That's awful. I don't want to say anything about the family members. You and your husband are the lucky ones to have your little girl anyway!!!

  4. #54
    MIA, RIP, or Busy...
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Just IGNORE :phhht people that try to give you advice on what they "think" or remind people that they are asking a very "personal" question that you don't wish to answer when they ask you. I truly sympathize with you because people don't realize how nosey they can be even if you are having kids as some have said.

    Bottom line-if you want kids, it's important that you make the decision on what YOUR comfort level is and if it's what YOU want and not what someone else expects. It is a huge commitment both emotionally and financially to have kids and you better be ready to jump in with both feet. If you're not, then you just took a huge step in your maturity to realize this is the right thing to do for YOU and ultimately your egg cells by not fertilizing them.

  5. #55
    Reformed Perfectionist G.G.'s Avatar
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    Apr 2003
    Lake Wildwood, CA
    Motherhood for me has never been a burning desire, more a "if it happens great, and if not, great as well". My former spouse wasn't keen on the idea of having kids either. Then I had surgery to remove 30 (yes, 30) tumors and part of it was understanding that I may not be able to have children. Imagine my surprise when, after really considering that I might have not a choice in the matter, I realized.................

    No, I didn't realize how badly I wanted to become a parent. I realized I DON'T want to become a parent, at least not by getting pregnant and giving birth. I love kids and always have - I was a nanny in college and am currently the favorite babysitter (aka Auntie Lulu) to at least four wonderful kids. I love them all to death. That being said, if I were to date someone with kids, I would have absolutely no issue with that. I do enjoy kids and would/could embrace someone else's as my very own. I've had a good example that way, since that's exactly what my (step)Dad did.

    I have a friend who had an absolutely burning desire to have a baby and I guess I've never felt that. People who push amuse me - I always wanted to ask if they were going to provide day care and pay for college, etc. for my kids.

  6. #56
    *** Bill747's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Toronto, Canada.
    Quote Originally Posted by Modesty
    Someone said something about men having turned them down for not wanting to have kids.
    Otherwise, what good are women except as "life-supporting unit for a vagina" or as a "walking baby incubator". (The 2 quotes from a Men's washroom graffiti is just a JOKE, at least on my part).

    Seriously, a female not wanting kids is a deal breaker for me, because I really do want kids, for the following reasons:

    (1) To carry on the family name. This is the least important reason because it can be achieved or defeated with a name change.

    (2) To have next-of-kin to care for us in our old age.

    (3) The greatest expression of love is for 2 unique people to combine their genes and produce a new human being.

    (4) 50 or 100 years from now, everything about me will be dead and long forgotten, except hopefully parts of my genes will still be walking around on earth.

    By the way, I have no objections to other people not wanting kids. On the contrary, I only object to people having kids but not ready or capable of supporting them to a reasonable standard of living.
    Last edited by Bill747; 12-16-2003 at 03:43 PM.
    "The greatest myth in the world is that beauty equals goodness." Leo Tolstoy

  7. #57
    Hey, Bill, and don't forget the joy of having them in your life on a daily basis. There is nothing in the world like the feeling you get when a newborn baby opens its eyes and looks at your for the first time. It's all worth it, for me.

  8. #58
    I see what you did there Mah Jongg Solitaire Champion Maveno's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Santa Cruz, CA
    Nope. I'm a childless woman, and I'm tired of hearing how "having children fullfills you"...and so on...

    Being in a relationship that negates the possibility of having them, it doesn't mean that I can't.
    All things beautiful do not have to be full of color to be noticed; in
    life that which is unnoticed has the most power.

  9. #59
    I'm glad when some people have children. For some other people, I wished they bought a pet rock instead!

    People shouldn't feel pressured to have children. It's a personal choice. Inconsiderate people forget that.

  10. #60
    FORT Fogey Marley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Aliso Viejo, CA
    I think it's hilarious when I tell people that I am not going to have children and they say "But who will replace you on Earth when you die?"
    I think the dying part concerns me more.

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