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Thread: Not having children by choice?

  1. #41
    FORT Fogey Silverstar's Avatar
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    After reading this thread, it still can't believe we are in the year 2003 (nearly 2004) and people are making these kind of comments.

    One of my guy friends, once said that he didn't want children. The immediate response he had was "WHAT?" or "You'll change your mind." I just said to him, it's your choice, but you'll have to go and babysit for me in 10 years
    He was so happy that I didn't react like the others, he feels free to talk to me about more personal things, he knows that I won't jump out the window.

    My opinion on this is that it really pains me that people are having children and not caring about them.
    I have a huge amount of respect for those who can say that they don't want any, and have reasons for it, and are happy.
    People that are having children and not caring about them, hurting them, leaving them alone, THAT is unacceptable and should be looked at as completely crazy.


    brenna, darling, I admire you so much for not letting these people put you down

    I admire a lot of you folks, and I'm still in shock of what I've read here. People are really mean sometimes.

    In the words of Bon Jovi :"It's my life!"
    Last edited by Silverstar; 12-15-2003 at 12:34 AM.

  2. #42
    FORT Fogey joeguy's Avatar
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    I knew that I didn't want kids when I was 19, I didn't have a great paying job, cost me a relationship with a dear friend because we were talking one day and I said that so I was checked off her possible boyfriend list. she did have two girls, very pretty (good thing they didn't get my genes) but I have 5 dogs, my kids, that is good enough for me. the thing is I don't trust the future of this nation to bring kids into it. The economy, the possibility of good careers, the high rate of crime, will they be speaking english? all of that when they turn 18. will it be there for them or not?..JMHO

  3. #43
    FORT Fogey
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    To have kids or not is just one of those ridiculous subjects for people to argue over. Why beat up someone who does not want to have children? Why beat up someone who wants to have 10? I mean, if someone says, "I don't want children," they don't want them. I mean, if people could force those that don't want children into having them, they would just be resentful, and that wouldn't work for anyone. It is a lot like the whole "working mother/stay at home mother" debate. Why do we feed into this arguement? Every mother is a working mother. Period. Children are a blessing and a joy, but you can have the blessing and joy of children without having them yourself. You can volunteer, teach, be positive role models for nieces/nephews, etc. The teacher I pre-interned for is a PreK teacher, loves the heck out of her students, but has none of her own. Also, some people just don't like kids. And that's fine, too. Everyone is different. I would not trade mine for anything, but in retrospect, I should have waited to have them. I was busy making life decisions at 19 & 20, when I hadn't even lived life yet! Stick to your guns, guys, You are the only one who can make those decisions for yourself.

  4. #44
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    So many have a good POV.

    Quote Originally Posted by BravoFan
    Marley, I feel your pain. People really are so insensitive on issues that they should remain out of as they are personal.



    .....Come up with a handful of curt responses that you can give to these questions that somewhat politely, but sternly affirm that they are overstepping their boundaries.
    Let them know that after you sold your children to cover your car payments and that all of your bills are under control. Maybe you can ask then when the shortage on children happened? Tell them that you are such a horny person and can't deal with not having sex for the last few weeks. When people are insensitive to others and are the ones to insigate then, say what you will. For some people a wack over the head works better.

    Thank goodness you're not one of those people who have children, especially in the teens, to only prove your love or to feel like a REAL man or woman. Those people fill up the Maury show. To each their own.

  5. #45
    Princess
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    Thank goodness you're not one of those people who have children, especially in the teens, to only prove your love or to feel like a REAL man or woman. Those people fill up the Maury show.
    In fact, those people fill up all the court TV programs. It's pretty scary and very sad.

    Someone said something about men having turned them down for not wanting to have kids. I actually have 3 male friends who don't want to have kids. The more extreme case is the friend who has a girlfriend who wanted kids - when he refused, she went ahead and adopted a child by herself (he went with her to pick up the child!). (They don't live together - never did, but they are still involved...)

  6. #46
    Mmmmmm, cheese tracylee's Avatar
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    The only time I really had to argue that not having kids was OK, was when I was in South America, where large families is the norm. I heard that a woman was not complete until she had children. I hadn't made a decision yet, but I spent alot of time defending that point of view to people who absolutely could not comprehend. But then again, they couldn't comprehend that I was not only NOT Catholic, but agnostic to boot!

    So, my feeling has always been that it was not my decision alone to make. Still a little old fashioned, I wouldn't have even considered it without being married. When I finally met Mr. Right, he was 20 years older than I and had been 'fixed' for 10 years. I let my Mom know early in the relationship that there would be no grandkids from me, and she pointed out that I'd never really wanted kids anyway. My sister really wants them, just got married at 35 to someone younger.

    I figure that since we're 38 and 58, we're going to spend our time and resources on ourselves and our cats. I refuse to feel guilty for being selfish and not bringing more children into the world the way it is now. I'll enjoy other people's kids, spoil them, and send them on their merry way!
    One by one, the penguins are stealing my sanity

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  7. #47
    can i have your heart? unexplained's Avatar
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    I applaud Marley's decision to stand up for what she wants in life.

    Do what you want, regardless of what others think.
    You select the person you want to be with, and then you let that person have the opportunity to select you. -Shayla

    "The mind is its own place, and in it, self can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n." -John Milton, Paradise Lost.

  8. #48
    Glad 4 Vlad! :) Tigrazhia's Avatar
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    Marley I can TOTALLY relate to what you are saying. Me and my husband have been married for almost 6 years now and not a family gathering goes by without anyone asking "so when are you having kids" and "you better have them now before you get too old" or "you are going to be old parents" ..... or friends of ours who already have kids shove them in my face and go "Don't you want one of these?" and "When are you going to give little Timmy a playmate?"

    As of now we don't want any children. Although we haven't COMPLETELY left out the option, I think the chances are slim to none that we will have any. Some may think it selfish of us not to have kids, but we just really don't want any. We don't hate kids either, infact I did a lot of babysitting etc growing up, and as I grew up I always thought I would have kids of my own, but that has changed with the years.

    I know people look at me like I'm nuts when I say we're not having any kids, I know my mother in law keeps dropping hints & it annoys the heck out of me.
    I hope one day we'll reach an age where it'll be "acceptable" for women (or couples actually) to decide NOT to have any kids as it seems like more and more people seem to be in the same situation as us (but there are still plenty of people who want kids so population will still maintain & increase!) hehe.

    This is a good thread anyhow, I'm glad to see more people that are thinking like us in the aspect of having children, kinda makes me feel that I'm not so selfish & abnormal after all (not in that matter anyhow lol)
    "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how."

  9. #49
    Retired! hepcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Terena79
    I don't want to have children, but I'm worried over the studies that show that women who do not have children substantially increase their risk of cancer. I've read that the cancer rate is higher these days because women are having more periods due to not having children or as many children and also by not breastfeeding. Has anyone else read this and does it worry anyone else?
    Terena, when I heard about this (forgive me for being vague, it's been a while) it sounded like you had to have had multiple children from an early age and breastfed them all to decrease your risk of cancer. And you can't tell me there aren't other physical consequences to having several kids throughout your 20's. So I wouldn't make any life-changing decisions over that report.

    I have an unusual last name and my husband is under pressure because any of his cousins who would share the name were girls...so he is the last "Hepcat". I still find myself speechless when someone prods us to have a boy "this time." :rolleyes I would never say anything like that even if I had a close friend who was 8 months along and 99% sure the ultrasound showed a boy. It's just so tacky and rude.
    You've gotta hustle if you want to earn a dollar. - Boston Rob

  10. #50
    eternal optimist Shazzer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duxxy
    I'm terrible I found 'when are you having kids' to be an inappropriate question.. so when someone asked I would turn the tables...

    idiot : so,when are you having kids?
    me : so, have you ever had a prostate exam?

    idiot : so, are you and hubby ever going to have kids?
    me : so, have you ever thought of getting an upper lip wax?

    it was the same when I was preggers:
    idiot: can I touch your belly (those who would actually ask first)
    me: Only if I can touch your's


    For family.. it was 'never, don't ask me again'
    Quote Originally Posted by Ilikai
    …and all I want to do then is retire and chase my wife naked around the house.
    Quote Originally Posted by Waywyrd
    My best friend has been badgering me for years, I need to "find a husband so I can hurry up and have kids!" What?!
    All right, totally loved your responses Duxxy. Had to give two thumbs up to them! I especially enjoy the fact that the speaker’s name is always “idiot”.

    And Ilikai, a big to that. Oh…except I want my future hubby to chase me versus me chasing my future wife.

    Okay, and Waywyrd, that whole thing about finding a husband fast so you can hurry up and have kids…well…pfffft.

    I’m 32, single, and would rather be with a husband whom I adore, kids or no kids, previous or not, than get married just to have kiddies. And I’m lucky, I have incredible nieces and nephews, and dozens of them, so no one seems to ever bug me asking me when I’m going to have kids. Although I DO have a sick, older brother (is there any other kind?) always asking me if I’m getting any “eee, ooo, eee, ooo” <-----sound of mattress springs ifyaknowwhatImean. Um…yeah…he’s about as subtle as the guy in Officespace who talks about his “O” face. :rolleyes Oh, and about as smart.
    "If you're like me, you have a 'been there, done that' attitude when it comes to paleolithic paleontology." - Jon Stewart

    "I swear, you are the ho-ho ho." - OTS

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