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Thread: Not having children by choice?

  1. #111
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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  2. #112
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maveno View Post
    The only time I want children is when I want to leave work early, or not come in, or not attend a single meeting after work, or I want to come in late..etc..etc..
    Not sure about every one elses' work and how it goes down there, but at our work, there are a zillion times where the mommy co-worker comes in late, doesn't come in, never attends meetings, etc.. cuz of "the kids".
    Since I am "single" with no children... I have no excuses. None. Must.always.be.here.

    I understand that having to deal with children being sick, hurt, in trouble..etc.. isn't a pleasant thing to have to deal with, but I just have to admit.. I find it unfair that these mothers seem to casually wander in and out of work on the basis of their childrens' needs.
    Maveno, I understand your position completely. I have a daughter now, but several years before I had her, I had several jobs where I was scheduled to work different shifts along with my coworkers. The people with families thought that just because they had children, they should automatically get preferential treatment when it came to scheduling for holidays or weekends. They'd also stroll in and out, as you mentioned, whenever a child was sick or had a ballgame, etc. I didn't think it was fair then and I still don't think its fair. Holidays and weekends are just as important to single people or childless couples. They have important errands to run as well. There really isn't an easy answer out there, because obviously if a kid is sick, someone has to go pick them up. But its really not fair and I do recognize that. Something that I realize now that I didn't realize before I had a child was that affordable, reliable childcare would benefit everyone. Not just parents, but single people who'd like their coworkers to work as much as they do and would like a holiday off every once in awhile.
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  3. #113
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maveno View Post

    I understand that having to deal with children being sick, hurt, in trouble..etc.. isn't a pleasant thing to have to deal with, but I just have to admit.. I find it unfair that these mothers seem to casually wander in and out of work on the basis of their childrens' needs.
    I know what you mean. I am a single mom who works and doesn't take time off when the munchkin gets a hang nail. I have a sitter I trust who will take her unless she has a fever or is puking.

    I have an employee who is a single mom. She is always taking time off because either she or her daughter is sick. I had to give her a final warning today for excessive absences. (12 out of the last 13 days, only 6 were excused). She was mad....what do I do with my child? Well, like most of us who have to work to support our families, you find someone. Heck, she only works 20 hrs a week so she can qualify for welfare (which makes me very mad but that is another story). If she is on welfare, she qualifies for childcare help...use it. It makes me so angry I could spit.

    Woops...I went way off topic. In a sneaky way to steer it back I will say, if people don't want kids it is their choice and other people have no right trying to make them feel guilty for their choice. My sister is one of those who chooses not to have kids (well, human...she has 3 dogs). She readily admits that it would encroach on her Saturday laying around watching the tube time. Nothing wrong with that. She still gets people bugging her about it.
    Last edited by dagwood; 04-13-2006 at 11:37 PM.
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  4. #114
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    I have seen people with children allowed to come in late, etc due to their situation. That would not bother me a bit, except for the fact that I was a supervisor, and my manager was the one whom gave all the breaks to people with kids. The catch was the few people that always had to leave early are the stereotype dumb blondes whom is 22 and has 3 kids. Most of the rest of the crew was in their 40's, and had older kids. I was the one they all complained to. Maybe I needed a blonde wig??

    For the rest of us, it is easy to get out of a meeting. Schedule your business travel during the meetings!

  5. #115
    PWS
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    Back to the earlier question about employers... it is totally illegal for them to ask you anything related to pregnancy, marital status, etc., before you are offered the job. After that, while they are trying to convince you to say yes, they can ask if there is any help/advice they can give you about local childcare, significant other employment, etc. But again, you can just say, nope.
    However, if they do ask and you answer I'd add to my answer, "and we won't be having any"--otherwise they may think you are going to be getting pregnant soon, since you haven't yet. Which right there tells you why it's illegal for them to ask you that.

  6. #116
    FORTfruity applesauce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maveno View Post
    The only time I want children is when I want to leave work early, or not come in, or not attend a single meeting after work, or I want to come in late..etc..etc..
    We aren't too far from each other. Let me know when you need a kid and you can borrow one of mine.

    I know a few couples and singletons who have no children and don't intend to. I thoroughly respect and admire their decision. It's a very personal choice and I see know reason why someone would have anything negative to say about it.

  7. #117
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    This post is probably a crossover of this not having children by choice and the relationship thread, and I do not believe my being gay has much of anything to do with the issue. Even when I was a child, I did not like children and as early as I can remember always said I would not have any, but even today I get "you don't what you're missing" -- OH YES I DO! nothing!, I also decided that I am one of many people on this planet who is best living with my 2 cats (shhhh! I know I AM the STAFF, but let me pretend here that I have the upper hand) because I simply am best being alone. Being alone does not make one lonely..... To all of you who have human children my hat goes off to you, I couldn't do it nor do I want to.
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  8. #118
    I <3 Megatron! football_chick's Avatar
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    I too, have no desire to have any children of my own. While I enjoy playing "auntie" to my friend's children (and I do love them all dearly), for me, nothing beats coming home to complete silence and having the ability to come and go as I please. Being an only child I am used to being alone and I actually enjoy the days that I can just sit around and watch TV or read a great book.

    Last year, I sat both of my parents down and let them know that at this point in time in my life I wasn't really looking to get married or have children. My father was totally okay with that but I think my mother was a bit disappointed. However, she has finally stopped giving me the "I want a grandbaby" speech.

    I do have the support of my closest friends though - like some of the other posters commented - they respect my decision and applaud me for knowing what I want.

  9. #119
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    It appears that most of us had the same experience: People chastise us for not having children.

    Human behavior is strange, with this issue. For example: I know a lot of people with customized jeeps. That usually means big tires, and lifted. Well, mine is stock except for the upgraded wheels. The only people that ever asked, “Why is my Jeep not lifted” are people that don’t own a 4x4. All the people that do, know just how expensive such upgrades are, so they know why it is not done (yet).

    However, the only people that ask me, “Why don’t I have kids” are those whom have kids, so they should know better. What is up with that? I want to ask, “Why don’t I drop a brick on my foot?”!

    People are funny!

  10. #120
    MRD
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    People comment on all kinds of things that are inappropriate in my opinion.
    I"ve had a weight problem all my life. If I had a dime for every time I heard:
    You have such a pretty face, why don't you lose weight. Or: your skin is so nice, its a shame you don't lose weight.

    Well how do you think THAT makes me feel? I've had friends comment on how much I spent in a certain store (if I can afford it, its none of your business).

    I had strangers put their hands on my pregnant belly. EXCUSE ME?????

    I had people come up to me in stores and parks and say something about the birthmark on my daughters face.

    So I don't think it matters what the subject is, some moron is going to say something about it.

    Sometimes its just conversation. Most of the time I don't think they truly think about what they are saying. Some think of it as an ice breaker. I'm sure its annoying. But think of it this way, if its family or friends asking, then they are probably asking because they care about you. Not to make you feel bad.


    I hear someone say once that when asked "when are you going to have kids" they responded with "when you pay to put them through college".

    That ought to shut them up!
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

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