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Thread: Not having children by choice?

  1. #101
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    I certainly enjoy not having children. I am thankful that today more people are not so judgmental about it anymore. More and more people are saying, “Good Choice”. Perhaps 9-11 made people more aware that the world is not a safe place to raise children. Or maybe the issue of outsourcing has made people realize that they may not be able to afford children in the future.

    I will be moving, from Phoenix in a few years, to a new town. Here, most everyone is Catholic. Not having children, to a Catholic, is certainly taboo. After I move, maybe I will like in an even more open minded community. Or maybe not.

    I will be seeking a job in another city. I have been working my current job for over 10 years. No doubt interviewing has changed in all that time. Back then, often interviews digressed, for 10 min, or so. During the digression, casual conversation takes over. Often I was asked if I had children, or what I do in my spare time. If this sort of thing is still practiced, what should I do? I think I have a few options;

    1. Say, we can’t have children.
    2. Tell them I have grown children (lie)
    3. Something else?

    The last thing I want to do is tell them that I chose not to have children. In light of that I think choice #1 is best. This will invoke sympathy. In such a competitive world, I can’t afford to pass up anything that can be deemed an advantage.

    …Another point – Funny

    I was getting my taxes done. The accountant asked about various things such as dependants, and donations to a church, etc. I said I had made donations, but have no receipt. Anyway, he asked if we planned on seeing a doctor about fertility, as he mentioned that that is deductible. I told him that we chose not to have children. He asked if my church had a problem with it. I told him, no Buddhist, don’t care if you don’t have children. He asked if I had taken some kind OATH (tax deductible??). I told him no, I am not a monk.

    I think he assumed we practiced celibacy. Hahahahaha

    If you have had funny experiences with telling people you don’t want children, please post them. I am curious.

  2. #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by SeekingZen View Post
    I certainly enjoy not having children. I am thankful that today more people are not so judgmental about it anymore. More and more people are saying, “Good Choice”. Perhaps 9-11 made people more aware that the world is not a safe place to raise children. Or maybe the issue of outsourcing has made people realize that they may not be able to afford children in the future.

    I will be moving, from Phoenix in a few years, to a new town. Here, most everyone is Catholic. Not having children, to a Catholic, is certainly taboo. After I move, maybe I will like in an even more open minded community. Or maybe not.

    I will be seeking a job in another city. I have been working my current job for over 10 years. No doubt interviewing has changed in all that time. Back then, often interviews digressed, for 10 min, or so. During the digression, casual conversation takes over. Often I was asked if I had children, or what I do in my spare time. If this sort of thing is still practiced, what should I do? I think I have a few options;

    1. Say, we can’t have children.
    2. Tell them I have grown children (lie)
    3. Something else?

    The last thing I want to do is tell them that I chose not to have children. In light of that I think choice #1 is best. This will invoke sympathy. In such a competitive world, I can’t afford to pass up anything that can be deemed an advantage.

    …Another point – Funny

    I was getting my taxes done. The accountant asked about various things such as dependants, and donations to a church, etc. I said I had made donations, but have no receipt. Anyway, he asked if we planned on seeing a doctor about fertility, as he mentioned that that is deductible. I told him that we chose not to have children. He asked if my church had a problem with it. I told him, no Buddhist, don’t care if you don’t have children. He asked if I had taken some kind OATH (tax deductible??). I told him no, I am not a monk.

    I think he assumed we practiced celibacy. Hahahahaha

    If you have had funny experiences with telling people you don’t want children, please post them. I am curious.
    I wouldn't lie. If the question comes up just say: No, we don't have kids. Usually they will leave it at that. If they ask why, just say we prefer to concentrate on career right now. (brownie points with potential boss.) Lots of bosses don't like people with small children because they fear many lost days due to children illnesses, so you may have a better in because you DON'T have kids.

    But I wouldn't lie.
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  3. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by gaby View Post

    What I truly want to know... is why in the year 2006 that girls still get knocked-up "thinking" it will get them a husband. All it normally gets you is a life as a single parent.
    I used to work for an OB/GYN. I have NEVER in my entire life encountered so many completely STUPID people as I did when I worked there. That is why that happens. The women think the guy willl drop it all for them and a kid. Nope, he won't. Seen it happen a bunch of times. Watching it happen to a friends family member right now.

    Until women get more info on being empowered as woman (and have strong role models at home), it will never change. I am fortunate I had several strong, independent women in my life that were ahead of their time and it taught me that I didn't need a man to complete me or a child. But I met a man and we fell in love and we decided we both wanted children. We were only blessed with one. But I have many friends that choose to remain childless and I admire them for it. Being a parent is the hardest (and rewarding, I do have to add that) and most thankless job you will have. And it is FOREVER. It doesn't end when they turn 18. But it is not for everyone and those that recognize it, I applaud because otherwise you cave to pressure and then are miserable.
    It's no one's business.
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    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  4. #104
    Anarchist AJane's Avatar
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    I have to wonder, Seeking Zen, if you are so convinced that you have chosen the right path, then why would you bother lying? I have friends and family that don't wish to have children, and frankly, I don't give a rat's behind whether they do or don't...can't imagine why they would lie to anyone about it. And to my understanding, it's against labour laws to ask people about their family status when they're applying for work. So I don't think you have anything to worry about.
    All my life, I have felt destiny tugging at my sleeve.~ Thursday Next
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  5. #105
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    Sorry for the double post, but this needed its own post box.

    This is so funny and appropriate here I think.


    Ann Landers' famous "The Childless Couple"

    There is nothing sadder than a childless couple. It breaks my heart to see them relaxing around swimming pools in Florida, sitting all suntanned and miserable on the decks of their boats -- trotting off to Europe like lonesome fools. It's an empty life. Nothing but money to spend, more time to enjoy and a whole lot less to worry about.

    The poor childless couple are so wrapped up in themselves, you have to feel sorry for them. They don't fight over the child's discipline, don't blame each other for the child's most obnoxious characteristics, and they miss all the fun of doing without for the child's sake. They just go along, doing whatever they want, buying what they want and liking each other. It's a pretty pathetic picture.

    Everyone should have children. No one should be allowed to escape the wonderful experience that accompanies each stage in the development of the young -- the happy memories of sleepless nights, coughing spells, tantrums, diaper rash, debts, "dipso" baby sitters, saturated mattresses, emergencies and never-ending crises.

    How dismal is the peaceful home without the constant childish problems that make a well-rounded life and an early breakdown; the tender, thoughtful discussions when the report card reveals the progeny to be one step below a moron; the end-of-the-day reunions with all the joyful happenings recited like well-placed blows to the temples.

    Children are worth it. Every moment of anxiety, every sacrifice, every complete collapse pays off as a fine, sturdy adolescent is reached. The feeling of reward the first time you took the boy hunting -- he didn't mean to shoot you, the lad was excited. Remember how he cried? How sorry he was? And how much better you felt after the blood transfusion? These are the times a man with a growing son treasures -- memories that are captured forever in the heart and the limp.

    Think back to the night of romantic adventure when your budding daughter eloped with the village idiot. What childless couple ever shared in the stark realism of that drama? Aren't you a better man for having lived richly, fully, acquiring that tic in your left eye? Could a woman without children touch the strength and heroism of your wife as she tried to fling herself out of the bedroom window?

    The childless couple live in a vacuum. They fill their lonely days with golf, vacation trips, dinner dates, civic affairs, tranquility, leisure and entertainment. There is a terrifying emptiness without children, but the childless couple are too comfortable to know it.

    You just have to look at them to see what the years have done: He looks boyish, unlined and rested; she's slim, well-groomed and youthful. It isn't natural. If they had had kids, they'd look like the rest of us -- worn out, wrinkled and exhausted.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  6. #106
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    Quote Originally Posted by AJane View Post
    And to my understanding, it's against labour laws to ask people about their family status when they're applying for work. So I don't think you have anything to worry about.
    You are probubly right. That is why I asked.

  7. #107
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    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog View Post
    I used to work for an OB/GYN. I have NEVER in my entire life encountered so many completely STUPID people as I did when I worked there.
    Hahahaha

    That is scary. Those are the people doing the most breeding!

  8. #108
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    I have to say in my case a lot of the attitudes towards childless couples or those with lots of children can be due to lack of maturity. I know in the past I've been guilty of wondering why a few families I've met had so many children and thinking how ridiculous it was. But over time I realized the errors of my ways and grew up. If they have all that love to give and can support their family, hey more power to them.

    As for women who don't want children by choice, maybe some women are threatened because they are secretly envious of the person's get up and go lifestyle. That, and the secret fear that their husband might run off with a woman that has no children.

    When I was younger I didn't know if I wanted children either because my sister got pregnant at 14 and it left an impression on me. My husband is from a family of six and he wanted lots of children. But I didn't want that many and although I never really decided to only have one, it just kind of turned out that way.

    In time I've realized that the best attitude is "to each his/her own" and "live and let live". Where I have an issue is when people have children to get money from the welfare system because they'd rather collect from the government than get out and work. I know there are many women in the system who don't do this and would love not to have to rely on the government for help. My issue is with those that keep having children when they can't afford the ones they already have and just expect the rest of us to pick up the slack financially.

  9. #109
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieComic Fan View Post
    My issue is with those that keep having children when they can't afford the ones they already have and just expect the rest of us to pick up the slack financially.
    Well in reference to both you and Zen (his saying the stupid people I saw were breeding), I was doing a blood draw on a woman in our office who had a friend (we knew what ins. each patient had because we were required to use different labs for our blood draws depending on the ins.) with her. She was on state aid. They were talking as I was working and one says to the other. Well if you have one more child, then the state will pay to have your tubes tied. WHOA!!!! That's a GREAT reason to have another kid. I can see that years from now: I only had you so I could get my tubes tied. So apparantly here, you had to have 3 kids in order for welfare to tie your tubes.
    Seems like if she wanted them done, it would have been cheaper to have her fixed than to bring another child into the world that the taxpayers have to support.
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  10. #110
    Caged Mah Jongg Solitaire Champion Maveno's Avatar
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    The only time I want children is when I want to leave work early, or not come in, or not attend a single meeting after work, or I want to come in late..etc..etc..
    Not sure about every one elses' work and how it goes down there, but at our work, there are a zillion times where the mommy co-worker comes in late, doesn't come in, never attends meetings, etc.. cuz of "the kids".
    Since I am "single" with no children... I have no excuses. None. Must.always.be.here.

    I understand that having to deal with children being sick, hurt, in trouble..etc.. isn't a pleasant thing to have to deal with, but I just have to admit.. I find it unfair that these mothers seem to casually wander in and out of work on the basis of their childrens' needs.
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