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Thread: Not having children by choice?

  1. #91
    Miz Smarty Britches queenb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maveno View Post
    AJane, I had no idea that a hysterectomy is reversible!
    Maveno, read it again... AJane said tubal ligation (sterilization) not hysterectomy! I don't forsee there ever being an artificial uterus, or a transplant for one!
    I have found the Truth and it doesn't make sense.

  2. #92
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieComic Fan View Post

    On the flip side, try being me and only having one child. Boy did I get a lot of grief for that. "Don't you want to have more?" "Don't you want your son to have siblings?" "Mom, I don't like being an only child" "Why didn't you have more?" Sometimes having just one is as bad as not having any at all in some people's eyes.
    I'm right there with you, ACF. I'm always astounded at what some people think they know about other people's lives and what they think is appropriate to tell those people.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  3. #93
    MRD
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieComic Fan View Post
    I see nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids. In fact, I think it's admirable that people that don't want them don't have them just because they feel pressured. I wouldn't want anyone to wind up resenting their own children. Not everyone is parent material and mature people recognize that in themselves.

    On the flip side, try being me and only having one child. Boy did I get a lot of grief for that. "Don't you want to have more?" "Don't you want your son to have siblings?" "Mom, I don't like being an only child" "Why didn't you have more?" Sometimes having just one is as bad as not having any at all in some people's eyes.
    I'm right there with you Archie. At least now that she's 15 and I'm in my 40's they've finally stopped commenting.

    I love the ones that say: But she'll be the only one responsible for you when you're old. I shoot right back: I'm one of 4, guess how many of us took care of MY parents when they were old and sick???? Not 4, not 3, not even 2. Just ONE. ME! And the same is true in my husband's family of 5. Guess who took care of them? Us. We've been there, done that for 5 family members now. So trust me, having siblings is no guarantee that they will be there when you're parents are old and I have had this same discussion with MANY other people who were also in my shoes.

    We have several friends that are childless by choice. I admire their decision. I think it is not selfish, I think it is a very mature, responsible decision. They know what they want and don't want and I know people that had kids and were miserable. So the ones that don't, its great for them if they don't. ANd whose business is it anyway?

    ANd on the dr. subject, we had a friend in his 30's with 2 kids wanted a vasectomy. He had to get a referral from family doc per hmo for it. Family dr. would not refer him. SAid: buy condoms. He said: I don't want and can't afford more kids, I WANT a vasectomy. He ended up having to contact his hmo and changing pcp's before he could finally get his vasectomy. Ridiculous!
    Last edited by MRD; 04-11-2006 at 09:22 PM.
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  4. #94
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    I often get asked why I don't want kids.

    1. I don't want other people telling me how to raise them.
    2. I don't belive in immunizations, but everyone insists you get your kids immunized.
    3. I don't need the headache.
    4. Ladies, please don't take this wrong, but honestly, I have never met a woman I could consider a "Good Mom". Several of the women, that I dated, asked me to have kids with them.
    5. I am do things my own way. That often means against the "flow".

  5. #95
    FORT Fogey justCoz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieComic Fan View Post
    I see nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids. In fact, I think it's admirable that people that don't want them don't have them just because they feel pressured. I wouldn't want anyone to wind up resenting their own children. Not everyone is parent material and mature people recognize that in themselves.

    On the flip side, try being me and only having one child. Boy did I get a lot of grief for that. "Don't you want to have more?" "Don't you want your son to have siblings?" "Mom, I don't like being an only child" "Why didn't you have more?" Sometimes having just one is as bad as not having any at all in some people's eyes.
    I'm in the same boat Archie. I have just one daughter that I adore, but I don't want any more than her. We planned on having her. I got pregnant 3 weeks after I went off the pill. I've never regretted having her, but I do know I do not want anymore than that. Why is that not ok with people? Originally when MrCoz and I married we wanted none and then changed our minds. Now people ask when we are having another. I just tell them about my miscarriage and that usually shuts them up. I think they are scared to ask if I can't have anymore. And they should be scared. It's rude to ask, and you never know if the people you are asking desperately want a baby and are trying and can't get pregnant for some reason or other.

    I have a friend that uses one of my favorite lines of all times when asked when they were going to have kids. She just told them "We're practicing all the time."

    I don't understand why people think that having no kids or one is not acceptable. Or if you have a lot that's not ok too. My sister has that problem. My grandmother told her it was time to quit. Who does that? It's not anyone's decision but your own and sig. other's.

    My MIL bugged me about having another for a long time. I'm not sure if she realizes that I'm just not that into mothering or what but she's finally accepted that there will be only one. I love my daugther and I try to do the best by her that I can, but I can't imagine spreading myself anymore than I do already. Some people can do that easily, I cannot.

  6. #96
    Obama '08! Callie's Avatar
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    I thought I didn't really want children, until my sister had her daughter.

    Just looking at my niece's picture puts a smile on my face. With that... I know that one day, I want to be a mom with kids of my own.

  7. #97
    MRD
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    Quote Originally Posted by justCoz View Post
    I'm in the same boat Archie. I have just one daughter that I adore, but I don't want any more than her. We planned on having her. I got pregnant 3 weeks after I went off the pill. I've never regretted having her, but I do know I do not want anymore than that. Why is that not ok with people? Originally when MrCoz and I married we wanted none and then changed our minds. Now people ask when we are having another. I just tell them about my miscarriage and that usually shuts them up. I think they are scared to ask if I can't have anymore. And they should be scared. It's rude to ask, and you never know if the people you are asking desperately want a baby and are trying and can't get pregnant for some reason or other.

    I have a friend that uses one of my favorite lines of all times when asked when they were going to have kids. She just told them "We're practicing all the time."

    I don't understand why people think that having no kids or one is not acceptable. Or if you have a lot that's not ok too. My sister has that problem. My grandmother told her it was time to quit. Who does that? It's not anyone's decision but your own and sig. other's.

    My MIL bugged me about having another for a long time. I'm not sure if she realizes that I'm just not that into mothering or what but she's finally accepted that there will be only one. I love my daugther and I try to do the best by her that I can, but I can't imagine spreading myself anymore than I do already. Some people can do that easily, I cannot.

    Ann Landers used to have a great comeback. I can't quite remember it, but when someone asked you a rude personal question, you were supposed to say:
    Whyever would you want to know THAT? or something to that effect. It kind of gently reminds them they have overstepped into personal territory.

    Or you could just say: "we can't" they don't have to know the rest of the sentence is "we can't because we decided not too". If they persist with the questions, then just say: why do you need the details? We can't, just leave it at that. People sometimes seem rude, but sometimes are just trying to be friendly, making conversation not realizing that they are being rude and boorish.


    Seeking Zen, I know several people that don't immunize and their kids are in public school. It is STRONGLY encouraged, but you don't HAVE to do it and there are forms for the schools to fill out so they can get in without it.
    Secondly you can tell other people to mind their own business about your kid.
    But if you really don't want them, then that is your business too. But there are ways around some of your arguments.
    And I'm sorry you are having trouble finding good mom material. Trust me they are out there. I consider myself a good mom and I hear it from my husband and others. So if this former reformed selfish party girl can find happiness and fulfillment as a stay at home mom, then surely there are others out there too. I'm sure when my husband met me he thought I'd make a terrible mom. But its funny that those 9 months of hormones really do make a LOT Of changes in a woman. Mostly for the better I think.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
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  8. #98
    Peeking In Duxxy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieComic Fan View Post
    "Mom, I don't like being an only child" "Why didn't you have more?" Sometimes having just one is as bad as not having any at all in some people's eyes.
    Your child turned on you too did he?? Our daughter has been begging me for a little sister for the better part of a year now. One day we were sitting outside and one of my daycare kids said "I'm going to be a big brother" an other one said "me too". My kiddo basically said,... now let's get this straight, you are going to be a big brother (pointing to one) and you are going to be a big brother (pointing to the other) both nod their heads yes. My daughter harumfffs, crosses her arms and says accusingly "my motherwon't LET me have a sister. I just about died laughing but I felt a tiny bit betrayed - by my own kid no less! lol
    I don't care what anyone has to say about my child bearing. I see so many parents out there who just don't deserve kids (and yes, I feel qualified to judge )
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

  9. #99
    FORT Fogey snoopy's Avatar
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    I did not "choose" to have kids, I just kind of got pregnant at 22 by my boyfriend of 4 years, and by the time I realized it (I was never "regular" with my cycle) I was over 3 months along. I STILL considered terminating it, not because I was unmarried but because I had made an "active" decision not to ever have kids. My childhood was great, but I already saw how difficult raising kids in this world was, and didn't think I could do it. Well. Laying in bed one night pondering this great dilemma I was faced with, I felt him move. Well again. That was it. My decision was no longer a decision. It was absolutely taken out of my hands. Before you feel movement, it is not real. For me, after that, it was a viable life that I had no choice but to go forward. (I WAS on the pill, and never skipped it, so I was not a moron who didn't use protection). Long story short, I applaud my young friends who have made this choice, but for me, I thank God every day (okay,MOST days!) that I had my Travis. He turned my life around and has brought me more wonder and joy than I knew I was capable of experiencing. Then came Jordan, and while he has tweaked my brain more than I thought possible, he makes me feel alive on a daily basis, and damned if I don't have a reason to get up every day, and they FORCE me to be the best person I can be!

    On the other hand, if I DIDN'T have them, I might be the next John Grisham, except I don't have the free time to even THINK about writing my book- yet!
    Go Tigers!

  10. #100
    FORT Fanatic gaby's Avatar
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    Isn't it interesting how when a girl states openly she does not plan to have children... other women start making excuses for her lack of being maternal... or being selfish... or just "hate children" logic.

    How very 18th century of them.

    At the ripe ole age of 38... and married a few years now... I knew at the age of 25, I would not be birthing any babies.

    It has nothing to do with being non-maternal, selfish or hating small children. I simply do not want any.

    What I never have understood... is why are women so threaten by other women who don't. And those same women feel the need to tell you how " Ohhhhh you would change your mind if you had one".... oh yea that is great logic. Oh then the ultimate comment of "They complete you"... LMAO! Actually I think my personality complete's me....

    Get over it. There are girls who simply don't want them...

    What I truly want to know... is why in the year 2006 that girls still get knocked-up "thinking" it will get them a husband. All it normally gets you is a life as a single parent.

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